limbogirl Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Not really but I need some advice from anyone who has had a similar situation. I am in something really deep. I am married to man that is a saint first of all. I have 2 kids and a typical suburban life. Then enters OM. He is single, no kids. I am not trying to escape a bad marriage. I am not searching for something I don't have. It's just that this guy does something to me. We have not met irl yet. We have been talking since December. We live in the same city and we know from mutual friends that we are real people who exist and our pics are real. He is not pressuring me at all to do anything. We just have a strong connection and unsual chemistry. I want to end this but I can't get him off my mind. I've tried NC but after 2 or 3 weeks he breaks it and I always end up responding to him. I want to meet him irl but I am afraid. Part of me wants to meet him so that I'll realize he's just a fantasy and I can get back to reality. Would this be stupid? Would the opposite happen and I might actually find he lives up to the fantasy or that the attraction is stronger? Has anyone else had a hard time with NC? Like you can do it just fine but the OM breaks it and the cycle starts again? I hate being so weak and confused. More than anything, I hate that I think about him at all. I've never cheated or wanted to cheat on my husband. I don't know why I let this happen. Any advice? I can take the punishment. Don't be easy on me. :laugh:
Woggle Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 You say don't be easy on you so I won't. Get out of fantasy land before you end up doing something that you regret. Once you cross that line you can't go back and this will bring nothing but pain to yourself and your family. This is just some dumb crush that you have built up in your head. If you have a happy marriage like you say that hire a babysitter and have a fun night out with your husband instead.
lilagirl Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Hi Limbogirl. my stbx H and I met online. He was everything i thought he would be in person - only better.... (in the beginning!) If you meet him in person, you will fall deeper into the A. My advice, is to go NC, and make your marriage even better than it is. I know this will be hard, but an A is a ton of work, and the longer you are together, the harder it will be. You will get yourself in a deeper and ruin your marriage. I guarantee it.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Honestly, invest in some crystal meth or crack cocaine. It will make you feel good and won't wreck half the havoc with your marriage and life. Just because it feels good doesn't make it right. You would risk a good marriage to a "saint" for a man you've never met because of how YOU feel around him???? Good grief girl, there are woman that would pay good money to have a husband who is a saint. Auction him off to the highest bidder, take the money and start a new life with your OM. Can you tell me what good can possibly come from this or are you choosing to ignore the obvious?
bentnotbroken Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Tell your husband and see what he thinks of you meeting him.
norajane Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I've never cheated or wanted to cheat on my husband. Then DON'T. You already are, to some degree, but end it now before it goes further. You're not a child. You have control over your actions. BLOCK him from contacting you. Imagine this saint of a husband reading your emails to this guy. Imagine your husband finding out you are planning to meet this guy. Imagine your husband finding out you're having an affair. Imagine your husband visiting an attorney, filing for divorce, suing you for custody of the children, and dumping your ass on the street. Imagine looking into your kids eyes' and explaining why mommy and daddy are divorced. You have choices. You have been making choices every step of the way to get deeper and deeper into this relationship. If you choose to meet him, you are making another choice closer to destroying your marriage. Get your head out of your ass and stop creating distance between you and your husband. Protect what you love; don't hurt it and don't throw it all away for a stupid crush on some guy who doesn't love you or your children. Honestly, invest in some crystal meth or crack cocaine. It will make you feel good and won't wreck half the havoc with your marriage and life. For real! Your husband will be devastated and nothing will ever be the same again. Go to the Infidelity forum here on LS and READ the thread by people who have been betrayed by their dumbass spouses. If that doesn't show you the kind of damage you would do to your husband and your children, you are way too into yourself. Better off just divorcing first, then screw around with whomever you want.
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 You can do anything once you commit to it. If you were really committed to your marriage, you would commit to keeping NC.
SavannahSmiles Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 You can do anything once you commit to it. If you were really committed to your marriage, you would commit to keeping NC. This is true. Limbogirl -I think you are in that fantasy world that I was in when I wanted switch partners for a night with my H and his BF. You can allow yourself to escape - so to speak - and like others mentioned it is similar to an addiction or drug once you have a taste. Also like an addiction it will ruin you and have to stop. It might not feel good at first - similar to detox - but right now you are not thinking about your H. You are thinking about yourself. You are convincing yourself that you can somehow live 2 lives. Maybe you can for a little while but it will become increasingly difficult to get out of one or the other. If your H is a saint and you have kids remember the OM is just a man. He is just a distraction. I have no doubt that you love your H and never wanted to cheat on him. Don't start now. I think NC will clear your head. If it is too hard for you to not reply to OM when he keeps breaking NC you could try again to tell him he can't contact you. Have you clearly stated that you don't want him to contact you? You said he doesn't pressure you. The fact that you have been talking since last year, live in the same city and have mutual friends but still have not met irl makes me think he could move on and so could you. Maybe it's just a fantasy for both of you. Don't take it to anothe level. I hope you make the right choice and I do understand what you are going through.
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