torninpieces Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Hey guys, Im new here so im still trying to feel my way through..... there's this guy (we'll call him brian), we sort of have history in that he we met 7 years ago became friends and he asked me out a month or 2 later, the problem was we were both pretty young back then and well im 3 years older than him so i never really entertained the possibility.... so i never really said no but nothing came of it. we'd talk and he actually asked if we could maybe be friends with benefits... again... nothing happened. he was a really sweet guy, we'd walk home together if ever he came past the shop i used to work at and the one time we did kiss he asked before he even made the move... anyway, as it turned out i met someone and got into a pretty serious relationship and we just naturally lost touch.... when i moved out of home brian found out and he sent me an email, the exact contents of which i dont recall, but to the point of how i shouldnt disrespect myself. i remember reading it and being confused/surprised that he sent that. so after this we just lost touch and had no communication for about a year until i sent him a msg on fb, just to see how he was.... we lost touch again nearing 2years and i dont know all this time i never forgot about him, i mean he never consumed all my thoughts but i always had in mind. So one day i send him a fb message and all went well, we started chatting and everything and he seemed genuinely happy to hear from me again, but he always seemed confused/uncomfortable because he somehow thought i had a bf. i told him i didnt and we were good but he would say that he didnt want to lead me on and he just sees me as a friend. and im like thats ok its not like im looking for a relationship, i just wanted to reconnect with him and go from there. but im so confused because we'd talk and all is good until he says he's confused and he needs to think things through, days would pass or even a week or 2 until he messages me to say sorry for not being in touch cos he's still trying to sort himself out. and all the while, i wait patiently not forcing the issue. i let him be, until one day something happened and he just says that we cant talk because he started seeing someone.... i was so heartbroken, i cried about it and i sent him a reply trying to explain and what not... but he was just like sorry but it just wasnt meant to be. he said he'll always be there as a friend but things we're just too complicated. so i eventually accepted it and i was doing well until he messages me like 3-4weeks later sayin he wasnt with seeing anymore and that he was confused and had me on his mind, he eventually asked me for advice, so i tried to be cool and collected and tried to be a friend. anyways, he was like thanks for the advice and all we're back on.... behind this though, when we chatted he was saying that he still thinks about me and when i asked him whatever happened to us, he said that he didnt know but he said he fell for me years ago but i shot him down and naturally things just fell apart. he said he still holds on to this fantasy but he's gotta let it go. he said it might be better if just go our own ways because being friends just doesnt seem to be option because we have this history of him liking me, the sexual/physical attraction between us and he just doesnt want to rekindle those feelings... but it doesnt make sense cos he says he knows he cant feel that way about me anymore so why would it be so hard then? he just doesnt make sense, i really care.. i wanna know how he really feels but i cant seem to get him to open up. what's going on? can someone please help me make sense of this all? PLEASE, im so broken and even though i try so hard i just cant get over it.
Author torninpieces Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 (edited) Rorschach thanks so much for replying and the tip! i've reposted in dating..... i've been holding back because i dont want to seem like im chasing... when we got to talking about what happened, he just seemed to shy away and just said he didnt want to talk about it. and then when i asked him if i ever did cross his mind all those years he said no and that he could forget about me in a heartbeat if he wasnt reminded of me! =( im honestly shattered... i really like him, and i do regret not going for it when i had the chance. do you really think he still cares, is there still something there? i feel like he hasnt been totally honest with me, i know he's the only one who has the answers but i cant help but wonder... he consumes my every thought and it kills me to think i no longer mean anything to him, or the possibility of losing touch again... what do i do? where do i go from here?? im just lost, cos 1 min were good and then the next he'd be saying im sorry for leading you on and making you feel anything for me? i mean come on whats with that? Edited April 23, 2010 by torninpieces
Author torninpieces Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 so its been weeks since we last spoke, i feel like im running out of time.... should i initiate contact and just send him a msg or should i wait? i feel llike if i dont do anything id be out of the picture? sorry for all the questions, but i really dont know what to think anymore, so any help/opinions would be great!
Rorschach Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 There is honestly not a single shred of doubt in my mind that he still has feelings for you. Maybe it's a guy thing but there are girls I had a crush on in high school that i still have feelings for. If you really want something to happen you have only one option, you have to contact him and tell him how you feel. Those friends I have in highschool that I had a crush on, I'd act the exact same way to them as he is acting to you. He probably won't make an effort to contact you (at least not for a LOONG time) so the ball is really in your court and you have to decide what you want to do.
Author torninpieces Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 Rorschach, you're a very wise man... you definately make a LOT of sense! i kind of hinted at it, i sent him a message a few weeks ago after that whole messaging incident we had, when he asked me for advice about his ex girlfriend (which i dont really understand either, cos seriously why would you ask someone who you pretty much told to leave you be cos he was seeing someone for advice? surely he has other 'girl' friends he can go to- though admittedly i was glad he came to me). a week later i sent a message on the pretense that i was making sure he was ok, but then i said that i couldnt get him off my mind and how that sounded wrong but i just wanted to let him know.... and all i got was a message saying he was sorry for making me feel anything for him and for leading me on and he was like ttyl.... and i was like ok, wow i just made an ass of myself... then he sends me a msg going im online if u wanna talk for a bit... i jumped on and we got the apologies out of the way and then he goes i know this sounds wrong but i still think about f*** you a fair bit and then he went weird again and was like sorry i cant do this to someone, and i dont know you're a friend.... and you know it feels like everytime we do talk its always goes back to the physical... i mean i love knowing that he still finds me attractive but do you think that maybe its just about the sex thing, because we did flirt with the idea of hooking up, being friends that have fun together so to speak, which never eventuated cos he just went all weird..... so is it possible that its just about this or is it deeper? as a guy, if you really fell for a girl all those years ago and she broke your heart, would you ever forget? and could you ever give it a chance if it presented itself to you? i never knew i even meant anything to him.... is the whole blocking on fb and msn his way of distancing himself as you said? its so immature, why would you guys do that if you talk to the girl anyway? by other means? why cant you guys grow a pair and just talk it over...
Rorschach Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Some guys are just terrible at these things. Personally I doubt if he JUST wants something physical if he had romantic feelings originally, he may feel that the only connection he could have with you is physical because way back when you had no romantic feelings towards him. If one of my old crushes ever showed up and said 'hey, want to get back together' I'd be more than happy to jump at the opportunity, I don't think ALL guys feel this way, but I know I do, and from the sounds of it your guy does too. The facebook thing, in my view, is immature, but some people take FB very seriously and wouldn't view it as an immature act. If I had to guess I'd say when he blocked you he thought to himself 'okay, I really can't talk to her anymore, this is just going to end badly, I'm going to block her on FB so I'm not tempted' but then he broke down and contacted you some other way. Sort of like people who throw away their cigarettes and 'quit' but then bum them off friends.
Author torninpieces Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 Hey Rorschach, thanks so much for taking the time to reply and all i really appreciate and value ur input, its putting alot of things in perspective! So i was thinking of rocking up where he works and 'bump' into him, done up but not so obvious and without showing interest...i just want to make him realise what he's missing out on and what he could have if he's just honest. Would this be a good idea? or do you think he could see through it? i want him...as a guy what would be the best way a girl could get your attention? how can i make him want me like that again?
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