dennisflorida Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I knew this about her before we married, so I knew the score. She's great every single day when it's Me and her and Baby. She's loving to me, we respect each other, we have fun together, we love our baby, etc etc. We're in our early 30's. She's 30, i'm 32. Only thing is she can be so shy & insecure sometimes. She's fine with me, we laugh, she yells silly, she really lets loose ... when it's just us, even out in public, she sings out loud to our baby, she'll laugh out loud, we have fun. But around my my Mother she's shy to the point of not talking sometimes and sitting quiet and uncomfortable. It's like she just SHUTS OFF and it comes off as rude. She doesn't have many friends she calls or hangs out with. It always fun for her to find old friends on Facebook or get emails from friends of hers, but whenever they want to meet up or she gets invited to things, she never goes. She's just too shy and wouldn't know what to say, she says. "I'm not good at conversation or just talking for fun, what if they think i'm a dork?' Anyway, anyone else like this? I accept my wife, i love her and she "works" for me, for my soul. But whenever dealing with my Family or any outsiders (having people over or going to other people's houses) it's just such a STRUGGLE to pump her up! I can't get her to be comfortable around my family. I just had a blowout with my Mother last week due to her asking why my Wife can seem so 'stuck up' and bored-looking whenever we go to their house. I defended my wife of course, but in the back of my mind...My Mother has a point. Her behavior can come off as rude. it's our only hardship in our marriage.
Author dennisflorida Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 Wasn't she already this way before you married her? yes, i did state that. But at times it feels like it's gotten worse and worse. It's like if i had to leave town for a week (which i might have to soon for sales work) i'm worried because my Wife will be all alone with our Baby...because she has no friends that she'd call or keeps in constant contact with...i know she won't call my mother for help (even though my Mother has always offered)...and my wife's Mom and Sister live 4 hours away.
TaraMaiden Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I knew this about her before we married, so I knew the score. She's great every single day when it's Me and her and Baby. She's loving to me, we respect each other, we have fun together, we love our baby, etc etc. We're in our early 30's. She's 30, i'm 32. Only thing is she can be so shy & insecure sometimes. She's fine with me, we laugh, she yells silly, she really lets loose ... when it's just us, even out in public, she sings out loud to our baby, she'll laugh out loud, we have fun. But around my my Mother she's shy to the point of not talking sometimes and sitting quiet and uncomfortable. It's like she just SHUTS OFF and it comes off as rude. She doesn't have many friends she calls or hangs out with. It always fun for her to find old friends on Facebook or get emails from friends of hers, but whenever they want to meet up or she gets invited to things, she never goes. She's just too shy and wouldn't know what to say, she says. "I'm not good at conversation or just talking for fun, what if they think i'm a dork?' Anyway, anyone else like this? I accept my wife, i love her and she "works" for me, for my soul. But whenever dealing with my Family or any outsiders (having people over or going to other people's houses) it's just such a STRUGGLE to pump her up! I can't get her to be comfortable around my family. I just had a blowout with my Mother last week due to her asking why my Wife can seem so 'stuck up' and bored-looking whenever we go to their house. I defended my wife of course, but in the back of my mind...My Mother has a point. Her behavior can come off as rude. it's our only hardship in our marriage. nope. This is your problem, not hers. You knew about this, before you married her. But you don't accept this, and you've become judgemental, because of the way it's making YOU feel, not the way your wife is feeling. You judge her behaviour as coming off as 'rude'. Did you think this when you met her/before you married her? My point is, you have no right to make this into a big deal, if she has remained as she always has been. What's changed? Why have you become less accepting of what your wife is like? Why, instead of seeing this as your (personal) problem, are you not seeing it as everybody else's because this is the way she is? It sounds as if your wife is chronically shy or may have self-esteem issues, bordering on an inferiority complex. But this is for her to face up to and address. You can mention it to her and be supportive of whatever she may want to do. but this is not for you to either judge or consider doing something about.
Art_Critic Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 it's our only hardship in our marriage. Since when does being shy become a hardship in a marriage ? What kind of pressure are you putting on her ? What your mother thinks is totally not relevant to your marriage but your wife is... It sounds to me like you just need to tell your Mom to back off and you need to let your wife be herself.. She is just shy.. not some drugged out ogre..
laRubiaBonita Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 how old is the baby? i bet once that kid starts talking and being really mobile- she will get more comfy with herself...... kids seem to hone in on the handicaps their parents have- if she is shy, the kid will be loud and embarrassing
northstar1 Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I knew this about her before we married, so I knew the score. She's great every single day when it's Me and her and Baby. She's loving to me, we respect each other, we have fun together, we love our baby, etc etc. We're in our early 30's. She's 30, i'm 32. Only thing is she can be so shy & insecure sometimes. She's fine with me, we laugh, she yells silly, she really lets loose ... when it's just us, even out in public, she sings out loud to our baby, she'll laugh out loud, we have fun. But around my my Mother she's shy to the point of not talking sometimes and sitting quiet and uncomfortable. It's like she just SHUTS OFF and it comes off as rude. She doesn't have many friends she calls or hangs out with. It always fun for her to find old friends on Facebook or get emails from friends of hers, but whenever they want to meet up or she gets invited to things, she never goes. She's just too shy and wouldn't know what to say, she says. "I'm not good at conversation or just talking for fun, what if they think i'm a dork?' Anyway, anyone else like this? I accept my wife, i love her and she "works" for me, for my soul. But whenever dealing with my Family or any outsiders (having people over or going to other people's houses) it's just such a STRUGGLE to pump her up! I can't get her to be comfortable around my family. I just had a blowout with my Mother last week due to her asking why my Wife can seem so 'stuck up' and bored-looking whenever we go to their house. I defended my wife of course, but in the back of my mind...My Mother has a point. Her behavior can come off as rude. it's our only hardship in our marriage. You can't really change an introvert, it's how they are wired. I should know, I am one. I like people, in small doses. We arent' bored at all, we find small talk with people to be draining in social situations. Extroverts are charged by other people. Introverts are charged from within, their own thoughts. "Hell is other people at Breakfast" - Sartre.
Author dennisflorida Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 (edited) Since when does being shy become a hardship in a marriage ? What kind of pressure are you putting on her ? What your mother thinks is totally not relevant to your marriage but your wife is... It sounds to me like you just need to tell your Mom to back off and you need to let your wife be herself.. She is just shy.. not some drugged out ogre.. by hardship i mean, it's one of the (if not thee) only things we really ever have a hard time with in our relationship. Sometimes she'll admit she would like to do something, but she's just too shy to try...and she'll say that. i have told my Mother to back off, numerous times. But my Mother can be a tad dramatic at times and will just 'assume' things....assume that my Wife is unhappy with her when actually, she's just uncomfortable at say like a Family Function, etc. I don't put a lot of pressure on my Wife. I've tried to help her when she asks but I don't ever tell her "I want you to be THIS WAY". how old is the baby? i bet once that kid starts talking and being really mobile- she will get more comfy with herself...... kids seem to hone in on the handicaps their parents have- if she is shy, the kid will be loud and embarrassing Baby is almost 2. And i agree...Wife already seems a lot more outgoing and FREE since Baby has arrived in our lives. She Sings to her, plays to her, takes gorgeous care of her, takes her out to her baby classes when i work, she's really a great Mom. I've been impressed. Edited April 22, 2010 by dennisflorida
norajane Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 If she is good with you one on one, would it make sense for her to spend some time one on one with your mother? Maybe if they get to know each other without an audience, it will be easier for your wife to feel more comfortable with her. It can be rough if your true love is uncomfortable with your family - they'll both be in your life forever. Ideally your mom would need to accept that your wife is shy (not rude) and be sensitive to that by being open and friendly, while your wife would need to accept that your mom is grandmum to your child and it would be a good idea to make an effort to get to know her better so she's more comfortable with her. The only way to overcome shyness is "fake it til you make it". Shy people are at their worst in group settings, which will ultimately be a problem for her when your child needs to be in playgroups and for school events and things like that. Does she feel a desire to be more outgoing or do anything to feel more comfortable with anyone else but you?
Art_Critic Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Baby is almost 2. And i agree...Wife already seems a lot more outgoing and FREE since Baby has arrived in our lives. She Sings to her, plays to her, takes gorgeous care of her, takes her out to her baby classes when i work, she's really a great Mom. I've been impressed. there is your answer.. time will help with the rest.. The terrible two's are just around the corner..hahahaha
Els Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 OP - I honestly think that if this is the biggest problem you have with your wife, you should get on your knees and thank whatever God you believe in for how lucky you are. Nobody is ever perfect, and contrary to what some people may try to make you believe, nobody's partner is ever perfect. There will always be something about your LT partner that you will not like. From observing RL relationships, I can assure you of this. Why did your parents say she looked 'stuck-up' just because she sat around being quiet? Don't you think that's a horrible judgement to make?
Author dennisflorida Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 If she is good with you one on one, would it make sense for her to spend some time one on one with your mother? Maybe if they get to know each other without an audience, it will be easier for your wife to feel more comfortable with her. It can be rough if your true love is uncomfortable with your family - they'll both be in your life forever. Ideally your mom would need to accept that your wife is shy (not rude) and be sensitive to that by being open and friendly, while your wife would need to accept that your mom is grandmum to your child and it would be a good idea to make an effort to get to know her better so she's more comfortable with her. The only way to overcome shyness is "fake it til you make it". Shy people are at their worst in group settings, which will ultimately be a problem for her when your child needs to be in playgroups and for school events and things like that. Does she feel a desire to be more outgoing or do anything to feel more comfortable with anyone else but you? Yeah, it is proving more uncomfortable since from time to time, my Mother has to comment and bring up situations to me, months later, where she felt my Wife was or seemed rude at a family party. i get angry with my Mother and will tell her to accept her and she usually backs off because she too was once very very shy when i was born she says. She does aspire to be an outgoing Mother that is involved with a lot of things for our Baby. She admires my best friend's wife who is Mother to two, says what she feels, takes great care of her kids, is involved at school, at cub scouts, at girl scouts, donates to charities, etc. Wife tells me at times that she really wants to be like her and thinks she's great.
Author dennisflorida Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 (edited) OP - I honestly think that if this is the biggest problem you have with your wife, you should get on your knees and thank whatever God you believe in for how lucky you are. Nobody is ever perfect, and contrary to what some people may try to make you believe, nobody's partner is ever perfect. There will always be something about your LT partner that you will not like. From observing RL relationships, I can assure you of this. Why did your parents say she looked 'stuck-up' just because she sat around being quiet? Don't you think that's a horrible judgement to make? I am Very thankful. I just hate for my Wife to miss out on fun things because she's shy. I'll admit, some here are right, maybe it is MY problem. It's my little insecurity of her shyness. But I truly do accept her and love her so much. I tell her too, every single day. My parents did say she seemed 'stuck up' or 'mad' because Wife once sat there in a room full of laughing family members, having a good time with a blank, semi-bummed look on her face, like she was bored and unhappy... So i remember i suggested we leave and we did. I DO think it's a stupid judgement to make and my Mother makes a lot of stupid judgements that aren't valid, and just assumes and then brings it up later. I hate that. We have missed out on some family things because i haven't wanted to subject my Wife to the uncomfortable-ness. No one is ever MEAN to her, and my Wife has had some fun at these things in the past but, with certain members or different members of my friend circle, she's just quiet and shy. Edited April 22, 2010 by dennisflorida
TaraMaiden Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Is it possible your wife actually doesn't like your mother, and has a hard time being with her? And I realise you care for your wife enormously. it's good that you posted your concerns... but be led by her, rather than trying to catalyse things on her behalf... was really all I meant.
norajane Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 and my Wife has had some fun at these things in the past but, with certain members or different members of my friend circle, she's just quiet and shy. Has she ever been with these people one on one? Maybe invite one member of your family over for lunch or dinner or something, so your wife can get to know them without a whole bunch of people being around.
Els Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I am Very thankful. I just hate for my Wife to miss out on fun things because she's shy. I'll admit, some here are right, maybe it is MY problem. It's my little insecurity of her shyness. But I truly do accept her and love her so much. I tell her too, every single day. My parents did say she seemed 'stuck up' or 'mad' because Wife once sat there in a room full of laughing family members, having a good time with a blank, semi-bummed look on her face, like she was bored and unhappy... So i remember i suggested we leave and we did. I DO think it's a stupid judgement to make and my Mother makes a lot of stupid judgements that aren't valid, and just assumes and then brings it up later. I hate that. We have missed out on some family things because i haven't wanted to subject my Wife to the uncomfortable-ness. No one is ever MEAN to her, and my Wife has had some fun at these things in the past but, with certain members or different members of my friend circle, she's just quiet and shy. The problem is, I don't think your wife feels she is missing out on anything - and the most annoying thing in the world is someone trying to tell you that you're 'missing out' on something that you're not interested in. I have sat in rooms full of laughing people before, and very often I just think that whatever they're laughing at isn't funny. Sometimes I think it's even just plain dumb. While sometimes I force myself to crack a smile just so I don't seem like a downer, sometimes I really just can't be bothered - pretending to smile isn't gonna serve anyone, cause I'm too bad at pretending for anyone to not be able to see through it, and I'm certainly not enjoying myself either. The thing about us introverts is that there are just people whom we 'get', and people whom we 'don't get'. Admittedly that is a bit of a problem when it involves family - but I honestly don't think your wife would be any happier than she already is if you tried to do something about this.
Author dennisflorida Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 Is it possible your wife actually doesn't like your mother, and has a hard time being with her? And I realise you care for your wife enormously. it's good that you posted your concerns... but be led by her, rather than trying to catalyse things on her behalf... was really all I meant. Well....My Mother tends to love the drama. She's not crazy but she gets her feathers ruffled easily or her feelings hurt. She's a lil nitpicky at times. She's never given my Wife a hard time and always says she loves my Wife but then my Wife will accidentally act a certain way or say something in a tone that my Mother doesnt love and then I have to hear about it from my Mother 4-5 months later. Silly stuff though, That my Mother will just assume. SO, my Wife yeah, she is a little nervous around my Mother because she knows she's a little judgemental. Wife's parents? No Drama. They are loud and they are what they are and I love them to pieces. My Family? My fam can be a little on the gossipy side and although they are always nice, they can talk behind your back which is not nice. And say when Mother sees something she doesn't like from my Wife's behavior, she won't talk to me right away, she'll ask her sisters (my aunt's) if they noticed it too. She'll gossip, which I've told her is not cool. I TOTALLY don't blame my Wife for feeling uncomfortable with my Family. I don't. But as cool as my Wife is with me and as interesting and fun as I know she is, sometimes I feel it's a shame that others can't see it when she decides to 'turn off'
Author dennisflorida Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 *** I want to thank everyone for the words and advice on this matter. Having slept on it a few nights, It's really just a problem I personally have. I'm tired of having to defend my Wife to my Mother. My Father obviously has no problem with my Wife, it's my Mother. Dramatic, ol', nitpicky, judgemental Mother who wears a mask of kindness and "tries" to get along and acts the 'good one'. It bums me a little out that there are certain friends we can"t BOTH hang out with (she doesn't mind if I do) but whatever, I've accepted it this long and knew she was like this. I accept my Wife for who she is. I've told my Mother that my Wife is not Rude, she's just shy sometimes, so Get Over It. I know my Mother expects me to have a wife that will invite Mother over for dinner or ask her to come over to help her with the baby...But that's never going to happen. I've realized that my Mother wants to be the one invited to our house as well. She's not going to just pop over which has been puzzling me because she hasn't been asked to come see her grandchild in 4 months and she lives an hour and a half away...probably because she doesn't feel comfy around my wife i'm thinking Whatever, i'm babble typing. Thanks again everyone!
norajane Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I know my Mother expects me to have a wife that will invite Mother over for dinner or ask her to come over to help her with the baby...But that's never going to happen. I've realized that my Mother wants to be the one invited to our house as well. She's not going to just pop over which has been puzzling me because she hasn't been asked to come see her grandchild in 4 months and she lives an hour and a half away...probably because she doesn't feel comfy around my wife i'm thinkingThat's sad. Why can't you invite your mother over for dinner? Will your wife really object to that? Is that why you haven't replied when I've asked (twice) that you try to get your wife one on one with your family members so they can become more comfortable with each other? Your wife won't allow them into her home? And why would you expect your mother to just show up at your house uninvited? How would that be better than you or your wife inviting her over to see her grandchild?
xxoo Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I accept my Wife for who she is. I've told my Mother that my Wife is not Rude, she's just shy sometimes, so Get Over It. I know my Mother expects me to have a wife that will invite Mother over for dinner or ask her to come over to help her with the baby...But that's never going to happen. I've realized that my Mother wants to be the one invited to our house as well. She's not going to just pop over which has been puzzling me because she hasn't been asked to come see her grandchild in 4 months and she lives an hour and a half away...probably because she doesn't feel comfy around my wife i'm thinking Dennis, you've got to step up and take charge, in a way that cuts drama. I was curious and looked up some of your old threads, and this isn't the first thread about Mama Drama! Your mom should not be such an important influence in your life at this stage. It is completely appropriate and expected that your mother doesn't "pop over" when she lives 1.5 hours away, and has a strained relationship with your wife. It is appropriate for her to wait for an invitation. If you want your mother to visit, extend an invitation! Talk to your wife about it, but why is it up to your wife to extend an invitation to your mother? Of course, if you wife is aware that your mother is critical of her (calls her rude), she probably has hesitations about hosting your mother. Fair enough. Talk to her and see what is comfortable for her. No overnights? Dinner at a restaurant instead of your home? Picnic in the park? Maybe your wife could use the visit as an opportunity to get some "me time" while your mom is there to lend a hand--giving her some space from your mother. Talk to your wife and consider her needs, but be clear that you want your mother to visit! And, of course, shut your mom down immediately whenever she speaks critically of your wife. "We are not having this conversation." is clear and effective. There is absolutely no reason for you to give audience to your mother's criticism of the wife that makes you so happy.
Author dennisflorida Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 That's sad. Why can't you invite your mother over for dinner? Will your wife really object to that? Is that why you haven't replied when I've asked (twice) that you try to get your wife one on one with your family members so they can become more comfortable with each other? Your wife won't allow them into her home? And why would you expect your mother to just show up at your house uninvited? How would that be better than you or your wife inviting her over to see her grandchild? Nora: My Wife wouldn't object, she just wouldn't cook for fear it would suck. ha! I more meant, My Wife isn't going to invite my Mom over because that's not her thing. She doesn't invite anyone over other than her family. If it's my Family, it's up to me to invite them and that's fine. Wife is a bit ruffled with my Mom because my Mom hasn't visited in a while to see her grandbaby but Wife doesn't hate her. Uncomfortable around her, yes. A little disappointed that she hasn't visited lately and taking it personally, yes. Hate her, no. xxoo: it isn't up to my Wife to invite my Mother to our apartment in my beliefs. In my Mother's, it is. She was brought up old school. She's a "You should call your Mother" kinda Mom, not the other way around. My wife's family is opposite. They aren't formal at all. They just come over, they don't wait for an invite and I'm fine with that. I just need to be the one to extend the invites to my Family more. My Wife doesn't understand that and sees it as 'well, they just don't care if they have to be invited'. But i need to just tell (even though I have) "That's the way your family is, this is the way My family is, i love you and we just have to deal with it". Dennis, you've got to step up and take charge, in a way that cuts drama. I couldn't agree more and I get that now. Thanks
Author dennisflorida Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 Dennis, you've got to step up and take charge, in a way that cuts drama. I was curious and looked up some of your old threads, and this isn't the first thread about Mama Drama! Your mom should not be such an important influence in your life at this stage. It is completely appropriate and expected that your mother doesn't "pop over" when she lives 1.5 hours away, and has a strained relationship with your wife. It is appropriate for her to wait for an invitation. If you want your mother to visit, extend an invitation! Talk to your wife about it, but why is it up to your wife to extend an invitation to your mother? Of course, if you wife is aware that your mother is critical of her (calls her rude), she probably has hesitations about hosting your mother. Fair enough. Talk to her and see what is comfortable for her. No overnights? Dinner at a restaurant instead of your home? Picnic in the park? Maybe your wife could use the visit as an opportunity to get some "me time" while your mom is there to lend a hand--giving her some space from your mother. Talk to your wife and consider her needs, but be clear that you want your mother to visit! And, of course, shut your mom down immediately whenever she speaks critically of your wife. "We are not having this conversation." is clear and effective. There is absolutely no reason for you to give audience to your mother's criticism of the wife that makes you so happy. UPDATE: I recently took Charge and shut my Mother down for being critical and more things came out such as I think she's stressed and critical and judgemental over others and she's the ONLY person that has a problem with my Wife and needs to calm down. Well, she called my Sisters and cried, told them I was so rude and she's tried so hard and blah blah blah. My Wife is hurt and starting to get angry about ever having my Mother over now. Mother's Day is in a few days too, GReat! I see your point about me being the one that "invites" all the time if i want Mother in our lives but My Wife sees it as 'She doesn't care' if she needs an invite.
xxoo Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 UPDATE: I recently took Charge and shut my Mother down for being critical and more things came out such as I think she's stressed and critical and judgemental over others and she's the ONLY person that has a problem with my Wife and needs to calm down. Well, she called my Sisters and cried, told them I was so rude and she's tried so hard and blah blah blah. My Wife is hurt and starting to get angry about ever having my Mother over now. Mother's Day is in a few days too, GReat! I see your point about me being the one that "invites" all the time if i want Mother in our lives but My Wife sees it as 'She doesn't care' if she needs an invite. Ok, deep breath. There is a difference between "shut down" and "attack!". I can understand how you would lose it and all that would come pouring out, but I'm sure you can see how it doesn't help the situation. Here's the thing: You can't fix your mother. You aren't even responsible for fixing your mother. You just need to enforce your own boundaries--in each conversation, and in the relationship overall. If you mom brings up your wife, give a polite-but-firm "Mom, I'm not interested in hearing criticisms of my wife. Did you see any good movies lately?" (change the subject). If she persists, move to "We aren't having that conversation again. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss with me?" If not, end the conversation. Your wife is hurt. Why? Please tell my you don't repeat all this nonsense to your wife. Don't listen to it, and certainly don't repeat it. Support your wife. Tell her things that build her up, not knock her down. Your mother's opinion is not worth repeating. I don't understand this part: I see your point about me being the one that "invites" all the time if i want Mother in our lives but My Wife sees it as 'She doesn't care' if she needs an invite If you want to invite your mother, have that discussion with your wife. Don't wait for your wife to want to invite your mother, because it won't happen! LOL! Let your wife know that you would like to invite your mother, and then negotiate a visit that your wife can tolerate. As for Mother's day....let it be your wife's day. She is the mother of your child. Celebrate her with your baby. Send your mom and nice card and call her on Mother's Day to tell her how much you love and appreciate her--but don't invite that drama into your wife's special day. Spend time with Mom another day.
stillafool Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 If she is good with you one on one, would it make sense for her to spend some time one on one with your mother? Maybe if they get to know each other without an audience, it will be easier for your wife to feel more comfortable with her. This is a great suggestion. I use to be shy and would much rather get to know a person one on one. OP did you tell your mom that your wife is painfully shy?
norajane Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 UPDATE: I recently took Charge and shut my Mother down for being critical and more things came out such as I think she's stressed and critical and judgemental over others and she's the ONLY person that has a problem with my Wife and needs to calm down. Well, she called my Sisters and cried, told them I was so rude and she's tried so hard and blah blah blah. My Wife is hurt and starting to get angry about ever having my Mother over now. Mother's Day is in a few days too, GReat! I see your point about me being the one that "invites" all the time if i want Mother in our lives but My Wife sees it as 'She doesn't care' if she needs an invite. What a clusterf*ck. Dude, why are you making everything worse? You only need to do 3 things: - Refuse to listen to criticism of your wife - Invite your mother to come over and visit her grandchild - Remind your wife that your mom wanting an invitation has to do with her being an hour and a half away, so just "dropping in" is a ridiculous expectation. I'm not buying that the problem here is your wife is "shy". I think her expectations of your mom inviting herself over when she is clearly not welcome are ridiculous.
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