It finally happened, my husband had sex with the other woman today. New emails?

[OFGnomore]

I'm having a hard time understanding why it would matter if he wants her for just sex or if it's more emotional than that? Either way' date=' he still cheated ( and continues to do so) and betrayed you. There's no gray area there imho.[/quote']

 

We'll I read that a lot here, BWs seem to dismiss lying if it were, "just for sex". I remember one BW being okay her H told his OW he love her, because he just said it for the sex!! Makes my head spin Exorcist style every time I read that. It's a strange rationalization I think that is used to cope (ineffectively) with the betrayal. IMO, it would be like saying, okay, honey, here's your carte blanche to go have sex with other woman and even tell her you love her if that's what takes but don't really mean you love her okay??? I find the most cheating MM will lie depending on who they're with. Like, all he has to do is change (insert OW/W here) and then tell the story.

[Cinnamon2000]

This morning, my husband finally had sex with his mistress, after having an emotional affair for 1.5 years. I have not confronted him but plan to soon. I'm still worried that he might have feelings for her, but torn. Here's what the new emails say:

 

*He tells her she was AMAZING in bed

 

*They spend a lot of time discussing their families, at the same time. She also has a child the same age as our youngest

 

*He tells her all the cute things our kids do, how HE watches them on weekends, how often they go out, he makes them breakfast

 

*When she says she's torn over whether or not to go back to work, he mentions that he wishes I didn't work, so she's doing the right thing and should wait until her kid grows up to go back to work

 

*He gives her advice on where to go with her husband on date night (???)

 

*She finds that amusing and he says "I hope we can do that... There's no other way to do it, it's the only way" (then ":(" (meaning that the spouses shouldn't become an issue) and she says "Yes, with small kids like ours...." and he agrees.

 

Does it sound like he has feelings for her? And that he's trying to keep them at bay? Or does he only want her for sex, since he encouraged her to go out with her husband?

 

Now you have solid proof that this is an affair and NO one can say it was just flirting, you should expose, especially to the OW's husband. Do it and do it big.

[SarahRose]

Have you actually talked to an attorney yet at all?

[bittersweet memories]

Edith

 

You have been posting about this for months. You have been asking and asking if your H has feelings for this woman or if it is just sex.

 

AND these hapless APs have been trying and trying to have sex for months now. AND you have watched attempt after attempt, and them plan to consummate again and again.

 

WHY have you sat idly by and watched this trainwreck happen?

 

WHY have you not confronted your H about this EA that has now gone physical and instead come here to ask strangers if he has feelings?

 

Why aren't you asking your H if he has feelings if you really need to know?

 

If you can convince yourself that he just wants her for sex will you stay with him?

 

 

An EA requires emotion. He has feelings. He told her to go out with her husband because if they keep things as normal at home as possible they can continue the affair undisturbed.

 

What i don't understand is she creates new profiles and she ask the same question and does nothing about her situation. I remember her posting the same exact question months ago. i don't get it...

[lilagirl]

I understand that's the big question, but my husband's feelings are a BIG question in my view. The biggest. I do have an exit plan, I just haven't implemented it yet. And until now I thought he had feelings for her but now I think he only wants her for sex, because why else would he encourage her marriage with her husband? And do you think they meant, in that exchange, that they're only with their spouses for the children?

 

( I took it to mean that they can ONLY have a sexual affair and shouldn't let feelings - of jealousy, in this case - get in the way, because that would mean emotional involvement they can't afford because we have small kids, as she put it. But the fact that he had a "sad face" next to it gave me doubts. as in ":(" )

 

Hi Edith,

 

fMOW (now OW). My MM and I are deeply in love, and just yesterday, I shared my insight on where they should go for dinner. Its acceptance of reality. When we started getting serious, I viewed it my relationship as a distraction from the other issues in my marriage... BUT... Because there has been no dicussion over email that there is jealousy over the BS, doesn`t mean there isn`t any. Also the unwritten rule of As is not to get emotional. As a result, both me and my MM hid our feelings from each other for a LONG time. It was after things became physical and intimate, that emotions became difficult to contain and hide any longer.

 

You seem to be okay with turning a blind eye, as long as you know that he still loves you, and is just distracted by her. I have no doubt his relationship is consuming for you. We can`t begin to pretend we know what is right for you and what is going on in your relationship.

 

My prediction is that he WILL fall in love with her, if he isn`t already, but he will not leave you for her. She will not push him to leave unless you start seeing evidence of her innate unhappiness in her in that she is sharing the marital issues with him, and they are marriage-breaker type issues. They could carry on this A for a long long time without even a discussion about leaving.

 

Good luck.

[2sure]

Edith,

 

You are more privy to the details of this affair than someone who has hired a PI. You have complete conversations, seemingly from every day, and also somehow have knowledge of the thoughts behind the words of both your H and the OW.

 

You are inquiring , continually, if his words and actions mean that he cares about OW.

 

Are you OW?

[CarrieT]

What i don't understand is she creates new profiles and she ask the same question and does nothing about her situation. I remember her posting the same exact question months ago. i don't get it...

 

I asked the same question in a different thread she posted about the exact same thing.

 

Not sure what she is waiting for when she has all the information she needs but is continually posting about his FEELINGS....

[edith]

No, I'm not the OW, but I can see how you would think that. I work in IT, and getting access to my husband's work email is not a problem. I check it after he goes to bed and he has no clue.

 

I do have all the conversations and I know it's crazy for me to worry about his feelings, but I do. I still do. Somehow it would hurt less if he didn't love her. Even though I'm still leaving. And someone asked if I've met with the attorney - no, not yet, that's what I'm waiting for. As I've mentioned, there's a lot of property to be discussed and I want to make sure I get the best end of the deal. I'm a very quiet person, but I usually win in the end...

 

Thank you all for your support and for being so honest.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

Somehow it would hurt less if he didn't love her. Even though I'm still leaving.

I want to make sure I get the best end of the deal. I'm a very quiet person, but I usually win in the end...

 

Thank you all for your support and for being so honest.

 

Edith, there is a huge difference in love and 'affair fog' which is probably what is going on..it sounds more like an obsession on both parts..that doesn't mean love. BUT that shouldn't stop you from leaving his sorry ass! you don't deserve this kind of desrespect and I hope you pull the carpet right out from under him! stay sstrong, you know we're all here to help you though it!

[Lizzie60]

Edith.. if you think it's only for sex.. then it is possibly just for the sex.. I wouldn't worry about it..

[Lizzie60]

jthorne.. I was being sarcastic... because this is exactly what the OP wants to hear..

[MizzBlue72]

Sounds like they are having an NSA affair ... and maybe he is helping her with her hubby.

No - doesn't sound like he has feelings.

If you want to preserve your marriage - confront him. Force the issue - tell him you have seen the emails.

Good luck.

[scatterd]

Edith you need to stop this before it gets too deep stop them in their tracks.T would let him know either he stops or you leave or are you working to get evidewnce to take him down,Im just saying its time.take take care and big hugs.

[HappyAgain]

So sorry you have to go through this but it's the same story for loser husband. I had to go through the same stuff. My xH was even masturbating in his father's bed (where he was staying after I told him to leave) on the phone with a wh*re he found on the Internet.

[stillafool]

No, I'm not the OW, but I can see how you would think that. I work in IT, and getting access to my husband's work email is not a problem. I check it after he goes to bed and he has no clue.

 

I do have all the conversations and I know it's crazy for me to worry about his feelings, but I do. I still do. Somehow it would hurt less if he didn't love her. Even though I'm still leaving. And someone asked if I've met with the attorney - no, not yet, that's what I'm waiting for. As I've mentioned, there's a lot of property to be discussed and I want to make sure I get the best end of the deal. I'm a very quiet person, but I usually win in the end...

 

Thank you all for your support and for being so honest.

 

 

Why haven't you already seen an attorney?

 

I hate to tell you this but your husband is crazy about this OW and now that they have had sex they are itching for more. You need to get on the ball about contacting an attorney to protect yourself even though I don't see you having a problem in that area as your h is a cheat. But, you need to see an attorney and start the process of leaving since this is what you have already decided you will do. You can stop asking people if your h has feelings for the OW now as I think you know the answer already. You need to tell your h of your findings immediately. This will tell you more about his feelings for you. The OW may not want to leave her h just yet at least until she knows your h is free.