Cantcope Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 So, I'm at day 3. Had a great day 1 and day 2. Shouldn't this get easier? Saw him today on a break and saw him typing on his phone. Obsessed with knowing who. DYING to know what he is thinking (as I'm sure we'd all love to know). These boards have given me hope for healing, hope that he will come groveling....and everything in between. In strength, I'm great, in weakness, I'm a wreck. I want to thank you all for sharing your stories and being here. I miss him so damn much, and I guess it will get harder before it gets easier. We've gone NC before (without really speaking it, just kind of ignoring eachother) and someone always caves. I want him back. I tried groveling on Saturday. All of my messages were ignored. I want to contact him so bad, but I know it's too soon, and I know my attempts would go unanswered. If there is anyone out there, just talk to me please. Help me keep my head straight. I'm at work and all I want to do is run off and cry! Ecery time I see him go out to smoke, I run out there too, just hoping that he'll say something to me. I was strong and I "unfriended" him on FB, so at least I don't have to see that. I'm just pining....longing....missing....hurting. Thansk!
puddles Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 No words of advice as such, just sympathy. I've noticed that i have good days where it doesn't "bother" me as much. I still love him unbearably and miss him incredibly but i can seem to cope on a good day. However, i also have bad days where i struggle to get out of bed and just cry and cry and cry. It slowly gets better where you have more good days than bad. Take it a day at a time.
Ilovecake Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Just when you think you're having a really good day and you're putting it behind you boom something happens that makes you think of the ex and you're back at square one. The good news is as time goes by this will happen less and less but you will have ups and downs, just like with everything in life. You're on day three and you run into him and aren't able to speak to him. I imagine it feels absolutely horrible. My advice to you is that you should definitely keep NC, especially since he blew off your attempt at communication before. I know it's hard but every attempt you make to talk to him will only annoy him and drive him away from you even further. People like a little mystery and if you have no contact with him, no matter how it ended, if he had feelings for you he is wondering what you're doing and thinking just like you are about him. Let him wonder, if anything it will make you more mysterious and interesting to him. I'm not saying that NC will bring him crawling back but nobody wants to come back to a sniveling wreck and at this point of the breakup when you still feel desperate for any connection it's the only way you'll come off in his eyes. I assume you ran into him on campus. Well next time you go to school make sure you look your best, shake your booty and put on a big smile, that way he’ll see what he’s missing. If he wants to talk to you he'll call you and if he doesn't call you than he doesn't want to talk to you, in that case just let it go and start the process of moving on. Good luck and stay strong.
Author Cantcope Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 Thanks! Your words were very kind. We actually work together. I am 34, divorced with a 5 year old son. He is 31. I just wish I could get past the hoping he grovels so that i can KNOW that he cared all along and that all of this hurt wasn't in vain. I guess time will tell. I keep thinking about how I'll feel like the most special girl in the worlde if he should come back. He never got to the point where he told me that he loved me. He did tell me once that he did love me, but was scared of saying it (after a few drinks of course). He's been hurt terribly in the past and has a bit of armour around his heart. He's said that he cares for me more than any other girl he's ever been with. Let's hope so. And for him...since I can't tell him directly.... I love you baby. You mean the whole world to me. I wish that I could tell you, and that you would want to hear it. But I hope you feel it in your heart. I miss you.....
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