SophieA Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 LD BF is here. He got here last week and will be here for 17 days total. He has two brothers who he sees once or twice a year that flew in to spend time with him. They are all staying at his dad's house and have been for the past 4 nights. I knew that the brothers were flying in to see him. I understand how important family is and how important it is for them to have guy time. I expressed this to my boyfriend and also told him that I hoped we'd still have enough time together. He assured me (note: this was all before he flew home, if that matters) that he'd still be staying the nights at my place. I have to work all day (8-5) and he could spend time with his bros during the day, then come to my house and spend nights with me. He'd get up when I left for work, or shortly after, drive back to his dad's and hang out with his bros while I was at work. And repeat. I was so happy and comfortable with this idea. At least I'd have nights with him, I thought. Well, it worked out for the first night but since then he's been staying at his dads. This means I haven't seen him *at all* for the past 3 days. ****Please remember this is a LD relationship...we only see each other about 8 weeks out of the WHOLE YEAR**** Am I wrong for feeling terrible about it? Shouldn't he want to spend more time with me? I've started a fight with him about it over email this morning. I feel like I'm a low priority if he can't even come spend a few hours each night with me. I would do anything to spend time with this guy and feel like he's shi**ing all over me. I almost feel like it's time to let go.
Els Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Hm. Are his brothers and dad free the whole day? Was there any particular reason he gave you about not coming home those 3 days? Or he just said 'I wanna stay at my dad's', and you didn't ask why nor remind him of the arrangement?
Author SophieA Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 Yes, he dad and brothers are free all day. His dad is retired and his brothers took time off work to fly here to see him. The first night he stayed with me and it was great. The 2nd night he said "I'm going to stay with my brothers tonight, I think." Which was fine b/c I had homework to do anyway, so I told him that was fine. The 3rd night I had class after work until 7 but was home by 8 and assumed he'd be coming over. He called me and said "you're probably tired, it doesn't make much sense for me to come stay tonight b/c you'll be sleeping right away." Ok... Last night they had been drinking so he called and said he was going to stay with them again. I guess maybe he just feels like since they leave on Sunday he'll get to see me all of next week? Should I just be okay with that? *sigh*
Els Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 (edited) Oh, they're here for half the time? It does make sense, IMO - they're family and he doesn't get to see them any more often than he gets to see you, right? It's tough but sometimes that's the way it has to be. Of course, you do have every right to decide that it isn't worth it - regardless of whether he has a choice in this or not, it's certainly hard on you having only 8 weeks a year with a guy and having to share half of that with his family. If you truly feel you'd be happier without this, you might want to reconsider staying. Edited April 22, 2010 by Elswyth
Mrs_AJ Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 (edited) It's understandable that he wants to spend time with his brothers. However... Does he see them less than your 8 weeks together? I mean whenever he is free, is that time spent with you or is it always split with family? Also, if he spent the whole day with them I think it's fair to spend the evening with you. In fact I would think that he should be eager to do so. EVEN if you go to bed early after a day's work. You're apart for such long amounts of time and even then, due to his school scheduele, you have limited time to talk etc. (He is at med school, true?) Did he invite you out with them? For example over the weekend when you're not working perhaps? I wouldn't be happy. Spending time together is crucial in an LDR. He should have made time for you just as he made time for his brothers. OR he should have been honest to start off with and tell you that he would spend more time with them the first week and then hook up with you the 2nd. However having to wait for him and then having him "turn you down" is not a loving thing to do. Not in my opinion. Also if he is still around why are you emailing him? Call him and talk to him about it. Discuss it with him and see how he feels about it. Edited April 22, 2010 by Mrs_AJ
Enema Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Drinking with brothers, who are here for half the time he has. Makes sense to me. He can't really drink with the bro's during the day, then come over to your place at night all messed up. He'll probably devote time to you next week... if you hadn't started the fight.
D-Lish Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Why isn't he inviting you to come to his dad's pace as well? It makes sense to me that he'd want to spend time with his bro's, especially since they flew in to see him. However, Why can't you be there too?
Romance Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Why can't you go over to the dad's and chill with him in the brothers? Were you invited? If not, I'd be a little sad. I can see him spending a night or two there..but 3 in a row i'd be missing him and sad he was so close yet not with me!
Els Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Uh, would you really want to barge in on an all-guy drinking session? That would probably hinder more than help, especially if you yourself aren't much into drinking.
Author SophieA Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 Answering your questions: Were you invited? I was invited over the first night and went for a few hours. I didn't really enjoy myself because they were playing video games, watching action movies, doing typical guy stuff. Like I said, I totally understand the importance of guy time. I don't want to impose. Does he see both you and his bros equally? To be fair, he sees his brothers less often than he sees me. He sees them once or twice a year and sees me 4-5 times. Why are you emailing vs calling? Because I was at work. I work M-F 8-5.
Deeblondie82 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Well Hopefully he came to see you and if not I would question it
Els Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Since she hasn't posted since then, I'd wager that he did.
Author SophieA Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 Yes, he has been staying with me for the past few nights since his brothers left. It has been wonderful. (And *super* hard to get up and go to work in the mornings.) I appreciate all of your responses as it's nice to hear unbiased opinions as to whether or not I'm overreacting. I was. It's just a hard pill to swallow (what?! You mean I have to share him with others??! ) when you're in a LDR. Of course, I don't have to remind you all of that. Thanks again.
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