I was the best man in her life and I feel she cheated on me

[asharpe]

I had a girlfriend who I met at work and we have dated six months. In the first couple of months her life turned for the worst. She lost her job and because of the economy she couldn't find another one in time before her finances fell apart. I stepped in and financially supported her for a month (which is hard to do when you're a college student) and I encouraged her to go back to school. I did my best to make sure I was there for her when she needed a new direction in her life, and one that would be long term. I did everything I possible could for her. I made sure that everyday I woke up with her I would give her 100 percent and I made sure that on the days she really needed me she got 120 percent. I feel that I gave her everything she needed both emotionally and physically. We never fought and I never raised my voice to her in anger. I loved her with all my heart and would have given my life for her at a moments notice. I found her another job and she met this guy she worked with. She started hanging out with him but I just assumed that they were just friends doing what friends do. This month, my life fell apart and I realized that the one person who I was hoping to be there for me wasn't. She, instead, would go out drinking with her friends and spend all of her free time with this guy. I started getting phone calls from people asking why they see her with this guy more than they see me with her. I was told that they cuddle during movies, the wrestle, and they are very handsy even when I'm around. Our relationship was on the rocks for only a few days. She admitted that she had feelings for him and that's when I told her that was cheating. I see it as she had feelings for him, they did things behind my back that normal, loving people would only do with their significant other, and she deceived me about it all. I don't think they had sex but you don't need to have sex to cheat.

 

I just want to know if I deserved what I got. Been trying to figure this out for a while. Is my definition of cheating wrong? and most importantly, how do I start over and help piece my heart back together?

 

I'm sorry this thread was long and I really appreciate any comments you may have

Edited April 22, 2010 by asharpe

[Sazerac]

Nope, your definition is not wrong. That is cheating; it's at best an EA and possibly a PA, depending on what happened between them.

 

It sounds as if in the relationship you gave and she took. Not a healthy balance.

 

I'd move on and find someone far more appreciative, if I were you.

 

Sorry, missed the last part about how to move on: 1) Get her out of your life physically. Go NC. 2) Start doing things for yourself to make YOU feel better, rather than slaving to make someone else happy with their life who doesn't appreciate it at all. 3) Do what you can to understand that she was using you. 4) Use your support group: friends, family, etc. Talk to them and let them be there for you. If you need to talk to an outside person, maybe a couple of counseling sessions to help you put things into perspective.

 

Best of luck!

Edited April 22, 2010 by Sazerac

[Green]

Forget the word cheating, and ask yourself what you want out of a relatonship? Even if she had never told you she had feelings for him, would you want a gf who has so little boundaries that she goes out and hangs alone with other men let alone gets all hands and touch with them.

 

First off if my gf wanted to hang out with other men alone I would tell her straight up you are not the girl for me. Second even if my gf was out in a group of friends with or with out me it would not be cool to be all flirty and touchy with some guy who wasn't me.

 

Did she cheat probably. What you need to learn is being nice to some one will not get them to stop cheating. Think of it from a womans point of view, they are nice to some men, even get pregnant with a mans baby and still they get cheated on. A cheating person will cheat no matter what.

 

You need to set boundaries, if a girl you are dating is out hanging with another guy you shouldn't even care if she is cheating that alone is to much.

[Dexter Morgan]

I just want to know if I deserved what I got.

 

I know you are being sarcastic with that remark. Of course you don't deserve this. You stood by her, gave her 100% consideration and support...and this is how she repays you? By partying and spending her free time with another guy?

 

Get rid of her....FAST!!

 

 

Been trying to figure this out for a while. Is my definition of cheating wrong?

 

no. she is giving her attention to another man. And I know you probably don't want to believe it but you know it deep down...she DID do more with this guy. She cheated physically...you can bet the bank on that.

 

 

and most importantly, how do I start over and help piece my heart back together?

 

by getting rid of this tart and getting back in the dating game. trust me, you may think that won't do the trick, but it will.

 

get rid of this unworthy tart and move on with your life....a much better life!!

[jnj express]

You let her hold hands with another guy right in front of you!!!!! She doesn't think much of you does she. Are you sure--you both are on the same wavelength as to whether you are in a relationship or not----Sounds to me like she thinks she is single. There are way to many good women out there who won't cheat on you----time to move on.

[CodenameD]

I used to put my soul into relationships, and I got hurt in the end.

 

On word: you two are NOT meant for each other. You are wasting time! True happiness waits for you only if you give up this and pursue other goals or girls!

[asharpe]

Thank you all for your support and your advice. When things like this happen, its hard to comprehend even the simple details. You helped me put some of those details into perspective. I appreciate what everyone has told me and I wish you all the best. Thank You

[Spectre]

They "wrestle"? What, is this girl 12 or something?

 

She also held a dudes hand right in front of you? Damn, this is one ballsy skank.