TLH Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Hey guys, So I just got out of a 6 year relationship 11 days ago (11 days NC), and while it was a mutual breakup, it still threw me into a whirlwind of emotions. Right now I am in a place where I know that we will not get back together, nor do I want to get back together. I have no real anger towards him, but some of the things he said during the breakup conversation make me sad. During the day, I am okay even though he is still on my mind. I think that for the short amount of time that has passed since that breakup, I am coping reasonably well. My biggest obstacle seems to be sleep. I go to sleep feeling fairly content, and not too upset. But I always dream of him and wake up in the middle of the night anxious and with a headache. And I can never fall back asleep. This is driving me nuts and I am so exhausted from the lack of sleep. I have also been sleeping on the couch because I'm not ready to face the bedroom. However, today I'm gonna try to "reclaim" my bedroom by cleaning, de-cluttering, and moving around some furniture. I hope that maybe this will help me. Do you guys have any suggestions or comments? Any insight would be helpful since this is my first LTR and the first guy I have been in love with. I'm not sure if this pain and confusion will ever go away or if I will ever stop constantly thinking about him. Also, I have a huge fear of never finding a guy that shares my core values, beliefs, and outlook on life. I guess I'm just scared and this lack of sleep isn't helping at all. Help?
jlr Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 This is natural. Whether or not it was mutual, six years is a long time. You're gonna need time to adjust to it. And the anxiety over never finding someone who shares your core values and such. I hear that. I've done that too. But it will literally drive you insane. But you have to reframe it. You have to say, I like me, and I'm cool with being alone. Hopefully I'll meet someone one day who is like me and they'll be an awesome bonus to my life. Instead of seeing it as such a doom and gloom, "it will never happen" scenario." You need to be ok with you first. And the rest is just icing on the cake.
GrayClouds Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Hey guys, So I just got out of a 6 year relationship 11 days ago (11 days NC), and while it was a mutual breakup, it still threw me into a whirlwind of emotions. Right now I am in a place where I know that we will not get back together, nor do I want to get back together. I have no real anger towards him, but some of the things he said during the breakup conversation make me sad. During the day, I am okay even though he is still on my mind. I think that for the short amount of time that has passed since that breakup, I am coping reasonably well. My biggest obstacle seems to be sleep. I go to sleep feeling fairly content, and not too upset. But I always dream of him and wake up in the middle of the night anxious and with a headache. And I can never fall back asleep. This is driving me nuts and I am so exhausted from the lack of sleep. I have also been sleeping on the couch because I'm not ready to face the bedroom. However, today I'm gonna try to "reclaim" my bedroom by cleaning, de-cluttering, and moving around some furniture. I hope that maybe this will help me. Do you guys have any suggestions or comments? Any insight would be helpful since this is my first LTR and the first guy I have been in love with. I'm not sure if this pain and confusion will ever go away or if I will ever stop constantly thinking about him. Also, I have a huge fear of never finding a guy that shares my core values, beliefs, and outlook on life. I guess I'm just scared and this lack of sleep isn't helping at all. Help? First those dreams are just your subconscious working it all through, it will lessen in time. Something you can do to help is before you go to sleep get a pen and paper and write. Write fast and what ever comes to your mind, just let it flow, grammar and spelling do not count, write why your sad or mad or lonely. Keep writing until nothing more comes out, just get it out of your head and on the paper. It will give your subconscious a bit of a break. You may also may wan to try a combination of zinc, magnesium and b6 (aka ZMA) it can help with sleep. And finally remember it does get better. Good luck.
D-Lish Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I have a hell of a time trying to get sleep. I have anxiety, and I can usually fall asleep initially, but I'll toss and turn and wake up after a couple of hours with intense anxiety. I have found it useful to drink a glass of warm milk and chase it down with a benedryl. It relaxes me and I can usually get a few more hours. You can just try the warm milk. It's a safe and easy way to get the rest you need. I sometimes use a script for immovane as well when I really need it. The anxiety will dissipate over time, it's just part of the process, and it will get better. It seems you are taking some positive steps by de-cluttering and moving furniture, every little thing you can do will help. I'm sorry you are going through this. I think it's important to get your sleep sorted first and foremost- sleep is a basic need. If it gets worse, do talk to your doc and see if there is something temporary he/she can do for you.
Recommended Posts