canigetanswers Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Hi everyone, I'm not really sure what to do about this date. Six months ago, I asked this girl out. We went out for a couple of dates and it was Okay. At that time, what bugged me was how she constantly take 6 hrs before replying to each sms, which kinda killed alot of anticipation at that time. I just stopped contacting her after that. Fast forward to two weeks back, I saw her online and started talking to her (no idea why i did that). She seemed pretty chatty and was making witty comments (non-sexual flirting). I asked her out and she agreed. Turned out, she was pretty much the same. Waiting for me to lead and initiate most of the conversation. She did ask stuff about me. But what was worse (for me) is her body language. She may just be socially awkward or mayb she doesn't really like me. She likes to fold her arms, and during the movie she didn't sit close. Im the sort of person who will mirror other's body language so naturally i didn't make a move on her. She doesn't initiate to contact me too. However, I think she's interested because she agreed to go out with me and was willing to go dutch. I don't really feel like asking her out anymore so should i tell her that it's not going as i expected? or just not contact her like 6 months ago. I'm what they call a nice guy but somehow I've read that there wasn't anything going on so one shouldn't need to explain himself. What should i do?
Aveenolover Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 She could be socially awkward. Example: this guy i super like and i hang out, and i will never get close to him or try to cuddle, i like him to initiate it. Why? because im insecure and im not sure if he wants me to cuddle/get close to him. I dont want to be annoying and clingy. i SHOULD do it because he always ends up cuddling me but meh, socially awkward. lol. I'm only like that for the first few months though or until things become official and i know the guy is really into me. So if that annoys you about that girl, just know she probably wont be like that forever. Things that could help her get more intimate? Give her random compliments. But not a lot. Just let her know you are attracted to her and you wouldnt be grossed out/weirded out if she tried cuddling with you. Obviously dont word it like that but just say you really enjoy cuddling with her.
DustySaltus Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 You have to lead the way with a woman like this. You're mirroring her, she's mirroring you and everyone is so busy focusing on what the other person is doing that nothing happens. And the cycle just continues unless someone breaks it. To not talk to a woman for 6 months and then be able to pick up where you left off is not an easy feat. Many people would just move on but she wanted to go out again. The interest is obviously there. So if you want to give it a shot, take the lead and become more intimate with her. If you don't think it's worth it then move on. However, I think that if you do decide to make a move she will be very responsive...
tkgirl Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone, I'm not really sure what to do about this date. Six months ago, I asked this girl out. We went out for a couple of dates and it was Okay. At that time, what bugged me was how she constantly take 6 hrs before replying to each sms, which kinda killed alot of anticipation at that time. I just stopped contacting her after that. Fast forward to two weeks back, I saw her online and started talking to her (no idea why i did that). She seemed pretty chatty and was making witty comments (non-sexual flirting). I asked her out and she agreed. Turned out, she was pretty much the same. Waiting for me to lead and initiate most of the conversation. She did ask stuff about me. But what was worse (for me) is her body language. She may just be socially awkward or mayb she doesn't really like me. She likes to fold her arms, and during the movie she didn't sit close. Im the sort of person who will mirror other's body language so naturally i didn't make a move on her. She doesn't initiate to contact me too. However, I think she's interested because she agreed to go out with me and was willing to go dutch. I don't really feel like asking her out anymore so should i tell her that it's not going as i expected? or just not contact her like 6 months ago. I'm what they call a nice guy but somehow I've read that there wasn't anything going on so one shouldn't need to explain himself. What should i do? why would you want to ask her out again? out of boredom? you said you when you went out with her a few times the first time around that it was OK then a few months go by and you go out again but there obviously isn't any sparks between you two... time to cut your losses and find someone else to date. And no, I don't think you need to call her again... unless you told her you'd call her or made plans to hang out again. If not then I doubt she's even expecting a call from you. edit: I just re-read your post and must have missed the part about her being interested because she was willing to "go dutch" FYI... when a girl offers to pay her half it's usually because she's not interested. No it doesn't make sense but it's what we do... Edited April 22, 2010 by tkgirl
Author canigetanswers Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 She could be socially awkward. Example: this guy i super like and i hang out, and i will never get close to him or try to cuddle, i like him to initiate it. Why? because im insecure and im not sure if he wants me to cuddle/get close to him. I dont want to be annoying and clingy. i SHOULD do it because he always ends up cuddling me but meh, socially awkward. lol. I'm only like that for the first few months though or until things become official and i know the guy is really into me. So if that annoys you about that girl, just know she probably wont be like that forever. Things that could help her get more intimate? Give her random compliments. But not a lot. Just let her know you are attracted to her and you wouldnt be grossed out/weirded out if she tried cuddling with you. Obviously dont word it like that but just say you really enjoy cuddling with her. Yeah. i really think she's like that. I think im more intrigue by the mystery than anything else. Coz romantically, I'm not really feeling it. there were a number of awkward silences during the date. I hated the feeling alot. i felt like im not able to be natural when around her. I don't think I shld be getting intimate with her because i just can't bring myself to do it. You have to lead the way with a woman like this. You're mirroring her, she's mirroring you and everyone is so busy focusing on what the other person is doing that nothing happens. And the cycle just continues unless someone breaks it. To not talk to a woman for 6 months and then be able to pick up where you left off is not an easy feat. Many people would just move on but she wanted to go out again. The interest is obviously there. So if you want to give it a shot, take the lead and become more intimate with her. If you don't think it's worth it then move on. However, I think that if you do decide to make a move she will be very responsive... I agree that there;s interest b4 the date. whether she still has interest right now, only asking her out again will tell. I know im that kind who wants things to be natural, like we can joke and talk w/o thinking/pressure. why would you want to ask her out again? out of boredom? you said you when you went out with her a few times the first time around that it was OK then a few months go by and you go out again but there obviously isn't any sparks between you two... time to cut your losses and find someone else to date. And no, I don't think you need to call her again... unless you told her you'd call her or made plans to hang out again. If not then I doubt she's even expecting a call from you. edit: I just re-read your post and must have missed the part about her being interested because she was willing to "go dutch" FYI... when a girl offers to pay her half it's usually because she's not interested. No it doesn't make sense but it's what we do... It was somehow boredom, but at that time i did feel that things were much better than prior times, hence i asked her out. I guess you are right about the sparks. Really i don't have to call her at all? Man, i feel like a jerk. But i guess that's life eh? regarding the going dutch thingy, i think there's a lot of views about this. I live in Asia, but in a metropolitan country. some girls say going dutch is to let the guy know that they are not gold-diggers. Some say is because, like you said, they are nt interested and don;t wanna owe anything to the guy. So i'm not really sure how she feels. All i know is that a greater extent of my thoughts are with not asking her out again. Seem like from your answer i really just let it be and not contact her again.
tkgirl Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 It was somehow boredom, but at that time i did feel that things were much better than prior times, hence i asked her out. I guess you are right about the sparks. Really i don't have to call her at all? Man, i feel like a jerk. But i guess that's life eh? regarding the going dutch thingy, i think there's a lot of views about this. I live in Asia, but in a metropolitan country. some girls say going dutch is to let the guy know that they are not gold-diggers. Some say is because, like you said, they are nt interested and don;t wanna owe anything to the guy. So i'm not really sure how she feels. All i know is that a greater extent of my thoughts are with not asking her out again. Seem like from your answer i really just let it be and not contact her again. it's simple really.. if you want to ask her out again, do it... but if you haven't felt any sparks yet then chances are she doesn't either... don't waste your time anymore.
Author canigetanswers Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 it's simple really.. if you want to ask her out again, do it... but if you haven't felt any sparks yet then chances are she doesn't either... don't waste your time anymore. i actually came to that conclusion already. Just not sure if i shld tell her or not.
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