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So annoying: People who are "Hot N Cold" (AKA Bipolar)

always_searching

By always_searching
in General Relationship Discussion

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always_searching Established Member

always_searching

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By "bipolar", I don't mean people who have the medical condition, but, rather, those people who act like you're the best thing since sliced bread one minute and like you don't exist the next.

 

Ugh. So annoying.

 

So, here's the story: this guy acts friendly/attentive toward me for weeks, and then suddenly acts like a jerk. I just don't get it. So, for example, he's been so friendly toward me for weeks now, even on days when I feel/look like poo. Then there's today: I dress up, feel pretty, get hit on by a number of guys, and he (the only guy I'm actually interested in) acts like a complete and total ass toward me.

 

Hahahaha...I just don't get it. :rolleyes::lmao:

 

It's days like today that I wonder if he was ever really showing me signs of interest, or if I just made them all up--maybe I read too much into his actions. But when I think back on certain things, what I remember has good indication that he was interested e.g. attentiveness, eye-contact, smiling, body-language, etc.

 

So, a few questions: (1) why would he act this way--hot one minute and cold the next? (2) If you are one of these folks who acts bipolar toward certain people, why do you do it? (3) If you were in my place, what would you do? Just ignore him when he's being an ass, or talk to him and try to figure out why he's being an ass?

 

I really like this guy, and my actions toward him have been entirely consistent, I think. I'm fairly certain I deserve to be treated with a little more consistency than this--if he were interested in me as much as I am him, I would think he would be more consistent. However, I know some people like to play games. I also know that outside issues could be influencing his attitude toward me--we all have poor days, he may have had a headache, etc.. Or, it may have something to do with the fact that I openly disagreed with him in front of other people...but it wasn't in an unfriendly way!

 

Still, I can't help my liking him. Since I'm going home after school is out (in a few weeks), I won't be seeing him but a few more times. I'm going to miss him, and want to tell him to keep in touch with me, etc., but am thinking twice about doing so if his actions toward me are really going to be this inconsistent.

SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

Posted
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I hope it's not a proffesor.....

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
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These types don't have communication skills and probably find it easier to be a jerk and let you figure it out (meaning, back off and leave them alone) rather than just saying, I like you, but I'm not interested in a relationship...etc..etc..). It's a coping technique that gets them out of any situation, especially when it involves women.

and.then.some Established Member

and.then.some

Posted
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Short answer is he's only looking for approval. More than likely, it's what whichwayisup said. But I would also like to add that he probably likes the attention from you. He probably knows you like him, enjoys the flirting, but is only interested in that.

 

Flirts with you, you stroke his ego with signs of interest, and he feels great. You get a little too flirty and he feels it's time to back off (because of what whichwayisup said). He needs another dose or you've backed off, now he wants your attention on him again.

 

Don't give him the impression that you're mad at him and continue to be polite and cordial. But, I would feign indifference otherwise. Especially if you guys are friends, he'll more than likely try a little harder to get a giggle or something out of you again.

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always_searching Established Member

always_searching

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I hope it's not a proffesor.....

 

Hahaha...um...no?

 

:p

 

Seriously, though, it's a guy in one of my classes. But, now that you've mentioned it, male professors are just as bad about doing this.

 

Maybe it's a guy thing? As has been mentioned, some guys don't know how to communicate and like the attention.

 

It's just annoying--I hate games. I am a pretty direct person. If I don't like a person, I don't flirt with them. Honestly, I'm not really looking for a relationship--just "friends" who occasionally have sex.

 

:D

 

How does one go about conveying that without seeming "easy"? I mean, I am 25 and have yet to have sex with a man--I am freaking sick of waiting! I want to have sex with someone I'm interested in (i.e. think is attractive) on a deep personal level, and, yet, who doesn't want a long term relationship--I think this person is perfect.

Edited by always_searching
Template Established Member

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Here's my answers to your questions...

 

1) Maybe his dog ate his favorite sneakers, or his favorite sports team decided to hold a bake sale for dominican drug lords. Did you ask him what's his problem, or are you assuming he's specifically being a jerk to you? Maybe there really was a reason... or he's just a jerk.

2) I'm not one of those guys, as I believe, in the golden rule of reciprocation. Communications is much better on the same playing field. However, if the other persons decide to cop an attitude, then I will as well.

3) I don't think it's what would we do. It's about what you want. Do YOU want to find out why he did what he did? Do YOU want to remain friends with him? Some of us are at a point where we can easily say, "If this person done this to me, I'd cut him our of my life." But that's based on our own experiences and needs, not yours.

Template Established Member

Template

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How does one go about conveying that without seeming "easy"? I mean, I am 25 and have yet to have sex with a man--I am freaking sick of waiting! I want to have sex with someone I'm interested in (i.e. think is attractive) on a deep personal level, and, yet, who doesn't want a long term relationship--I think this person is perfect.

 

Have you considered a male escort. They are well trained in emotionally fulfilling a woman's need, and of course the lack of long term relationship is a given.

 

Honestly though, if a man was to invest himself to get into that deep personal level you are talking about, then he probably wants a long term relationship. Guys who don't, are really just faking it to get into your pants. Which is fine right!?

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always_searching Established Member

always_searching

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Have you considered a male escort. They are well trained in emotionally fulfilling a woman's need, and of course the lack of long term relationship is a given.

 

Honestly though, if a man was to invest himself to get into that deep personal level you are talking about, then he probably wants a long term relationship. Guys who don't, are really just faking it to get into your pants. Which is fine right!?

 

Haha, well, thanks for your responses.

 

I don't really want to have sex with someone whom I don't know. I mean, what about "friends with benefits"? It works for some people, right?

 

When I say I'm not interested in a long term relationship, I don't mean we can't stay friends long term and keep having sex when we feel like it--even be exclusive. I just don't want a "boyfriend" or a "husband" at this point. No being possessive and hanging around me all the time, that's all. He has his life, I have mine, and our lives occasionally intermingle.

 

:)

 

LOL, besides, I'm not going to pay someone to have sex with me--I'm decent enough looking to get it for free. I just want it to be with someone I'm actually attracted to, which doesn't include very many people. Generally, I'm attracted to women, so when I find a man who I consider attractive, it's a miracle.

Peaceful Guy Established Member

Peaceful Guy

Posted
Posted

how bout going to a party together?

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