undisclosed Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 (edited) My BF broke up with me at the end of March (after over 3.5 years)because he said he could not see himself marrying me and that he still loved me and I didnt push him away, but he decided he couldint see himself marrying anyone ever. He said it was very difficult saying goodbye and I told him he was welcome to contact me, but I was gonna try my best not to contact him because it still hurt. So, the first week was HORRIBLE! I FAILED MISERABLY at not contacting him in the first couple days and sadly I didnt hold my composure very well and cried like twice. He proceeded to text me randomly that week and that was not making me feel better, so I decided to meet with him at the end of the week to tell him we should wait on friendship. He agreed, then two days later, I text him to change my mind because I missed him so much, at this point he said he wanted to be friends but we should give it some time to cool off because it was still very hard to talk and it was too soon to hang out because it would be hard for it to not go back to how we were before the breakup. So nxt week, I call him and he is kinda rude, and says he does want to see me, but its still hard and its akward talking to me and we can txt but no everyday. Again! I broke n texted him the nxt week with a comment about something he should get that I thought he would like, but he never texted back. That weekend was my birthday and he didnt wish me a happy birthday ...I was devastated! It was clear that he is really going for no contact and i havent talked to him in like two weeks. It's still sooo hard! I want more than anything to move on and have school to focus on, but he seems to consume my thoughts and I havent had a night where he's not in my dreams or I fall asleep thinking about him or even wake up with him on my mind. During the day, I go from okay and empowered to devastated and manic again! I would like to stop caring already! Does he just not care? Is it actually hard for him or was he trying to let me down easy and why woulding he say happy birthday? If he wanted to see other people then I would have completely agreed because I've been there, but he was sooo adamate about how much he loved me, but said it was the right thing to do to seperate now instead of later because he did not want me resenting him. Its been soooo hard, should I just give him space and contact him in a month or two if the devastating feelings persist, or just wait for him, and have I completely made it so weird that he wil continue to ignore me? BTW im in my early 20s and he will be in his mid 20s this year, I never pressured him on the issue, but He said it was going on four years and he was starting to feel it and didn't see the point in being in a long relationship if you are not marrying that person and He thought that I would want more later (thats why he though it was the right thing to do), but I was happy to just be together now, however he maintained his decision. Edited April 22, 2010 by undisclosed
teanoranges Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 It was most likely an excuse for wanting to be single again... he wants to see if the grass is greener anywhere else.. seriously? I'm breaking up with you because I don't want to marry you? because I know you don't care about marrying right now but you will want to in the future? He's dumb.. push yourself to try and move on. I don't entertain memories anymore, and sadly, I can't recall other things that have nothing to do with my ex, but at least I don't think of my ex anymore!! First loves are tough. Its the time when we all get our 'fairytales' crushed. We grow up alittle. Good luck.
dreamer0123 Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Hey... Similar thing happened to me EXCEPT... it was me asking where things were going...and my ex was a complete coward and made every excuse in the book when the real reason is probably that he didn't want to marry me. At least your ex told you the truth! But- I know it doesn't make things easier...but yes- give him and yourself some space... it might not change anything but the space will make you feel better. There are always going to be moments that are harder than others... birthdays, anniversaries, christmas, new years- and the list goes on and on... It's soo hard.. I know... we all know what's its like to have that empty nausiating feeling.. or the frustration of trying to stop thinking of your ex... Just take it moment by moment- that's what I learned. Moment by moment because thats all you can do now...
Author undisclosed Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 Hi, Thank you guys for your input. I'm sure there was more to his reason, but its all irrelevant now, although it still hurts. Dreamer0123, I completely agree with you, I thought it would be a day at a time, but some of the days it really feels like moment by moment. You always want to believe your relationship was so special and the exception to all breaks, but thats usually not the case. And yes teanoranges, he is dumb and this is definitely a growing experiences. O well, Ill just keep on keeping on...lol. Though, I will admit I still get episodes of denial
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