Can a man really prefer TV instead of his wife?

[TaraMaiden]

One thing I would suggest is that you don't 'enable' him.

 

If he has disengaged from your relationship and is providing no input at all - then I would suggest you try doing the same.

don't cook for him, don't wash his clothes, don't prpare anything for him - including his suitcase.

 

And do try Lizzie's tactic.

go out one evening, without him.

recruit someone you know, and go out with her for the evening, but make sure you look a million dollars.

 

And don't fetch him supper before you do.

and if he cooks supper and dirties the dishes expecting you to clean up, shove them in his underwear drawer for him to deal with.

 

He's effectively 'divorcing' himself from you.

He is neglecting his marriage and his wife.

As such dearest, you no longer have a husband.

Really....

Do you?

 

See if any of the above grabs his interest.....

[aroma]

TaraMaiden, I have thought about doing what you say. I will put it in practice and see what gives.

I will give as much as HE gives, maybe with some reality dose he'll wake up before it's too late.

[just_some_guy]

Aroma,

 

I'm seeing a whole lot of attention and control issues on your part in this thread.

 

"He won't pay attention to me"

 

"I haven't changed my personality or looks, so I'm baffled as to why he's like this now."

 

"whenever I talk to him, like about how my day went or some info he needs to know, he doesn't look at me"

 

"to me, there's nothing more important than HIM."

 

"Please, I need to know how to break his habits,"

 

"Had I known it would be this bad, I would have said something."

 

"when I talk to him (not just gossip, but things he needs to know) and he doesn't even LOOK at me. Sometimes I have to repeat twice what I say b/c he didn't hear me the first time."

 

"I guess somewhere along the way he got bored with me and I didn't even notice. I don't think he's attracted to me anymore, can't explain it any other way."

 

"I think the main problem is that I let it become an addiction to him,"

 

"I will give as much as HE gives, maybe with some reality dose he'll wake up before it's too late."

 

I'm not saying he doesn't have some kind of problem, but you have a part in this dynamic too.

 

If a partner in the relationship becomes so demanding and needy of constant attention, the other will withdraw. Living that way is extremely draining emotionally on the other. To you it feels like neglect. Possibly to him, it feels like endless need for attention that can never be filled or satisfied. I've been on the other end of this equation and it sucked the entire life out of my spirit.

 

Think about the quotes I've taken out of your posts, how they are about control and your need for attention. "I need to know how to break his habits", come on, seriously? Think about how that is a serious control issue on your part. You cannot break his habit. That's absolutely insane.

 

Truth is there is no "us" without a "you" and a "me." It isn't real healthy to have someone else like your spouse or child become your "everything" and complete focus of your life. That is too much of a burden for any man to bear. It just is.

 

You need to focus on yourself, and becoming a happy, whole, well-balanced person all by yourself.

 

All that manipulating him through sex is going to do is utterly destroy your sex life. Y'all that posted that advice are pretty messed up. It all amounts to, "I'll gain power over him by exploiting his need for sex!!!" That is a recipe for killing all sex in marriage. But it is a stupid formula that women often follow. Then they whine, "he doesn't love me anymore". Yeah, when you turn his d***k into a control lever, don't be surprised when he cuts you off.

 

My advice, back off. Let go. Go work on you. Some individual counseling for you might be helpful. Go work out, make friends, talk to your relatives, figure out what makes you tick and deal with it. If you say it once, you're asking. If you say it twice, you're nagging.

 

People are naturally attracted to other people who are bright, glowing lights of happiness. They are repelled by black holes of neediness. Being a self-assured, self-reliant, whole human and beacon of light and happiness in your own right is absolutely the best attractant you can possibly put forth in your relationship.

 

Now he may very well have an "addiction" problem. But the reality is that YOU DO NOT HAVE THE POWER to fix him. So stop trying. It just makes you crazy and him withdraw more.

 

Don't enable him. If he wants to play TV games before his flight, don't pack for him. If he wants to fool around way after your bedtime because he was up watching TV all night, tell him it is too late for you that you need to do that earlier and need your rest. Don't use this as a club to beat him over the head, because that is a control issue. Just don't do for him that which a normal person can and should be doing for himself.

 

I would wager that you backing off, taking care of yourself, doing the things that make you happy and leaving him alone will cause him to at least wonder where you are and what you're doing.

 

Why not get a DVR? It's the easiest way to not miss TV shows. Let him watch his shows on a decent schedule. Go find something else to do while he's doing that.

 

You may find that after some time, he will begin wondering what's up with you.

Edited April 23, 2010 by just_some_guy

[Els]

Aroma,

 

I'm seeing a whole lot of attention and control issues on your part in this thread.

 

 

 

I'm not saying he doesn't have some kind of problem, but you have a part in this dynamic too.

 

If a partner in the relationship becomes so demanding and needy of constant attention, the other will withdraw. Living that way is extremely draining emotionally on the other. To you it feels like neglect. Possibly to him, it feels like endless need for attention that can never be filled or satisfied. I've been on the other end of this equation and it sucked the entire life out of my spirit.

 

Think about the quotes I've taken out of your posts, how they are about control and your need for attention. "I need to know how to break his habits", come on, seriously? Think about how that is a serious control issue on your part. You cannot break his habit. That's absolutely insane.

 

Truth is there is no "us" without a "you" and a "me." It isn't real healthy to have someone else like your spouse or child become your "everything" and complete focus of your life. That is too much of a burden for any man to bear. It just is.

 

You need to focus on yourself, and becoming a happy, whole, well-balanced person all by yourself.

 

All that manipulating him through sex is going to do is utterly destroy your sex life. Y'all that posted that advice are pretty messed up. It all amounts to, "I'll gain power over him by exploiting his need for sex!!!" That is a recipe for killing all sex in marriage. But it is a stupid formula that women often follow. Then they whine, "he doesn't love me anymore". Yeah, when you turn his d***k into a control lever, don't be surprised when he cuts you off.

 

My advice, back off. Let go. Go work on you. Some individual counseling for you might be helpful. Go work out, make friends, talk to your relatives, figure out what makes you tick and deal with it. If you say it once, you're asking. If you say it twice, you're nagging.

 

People are naturally attracted to other people who are bright, glowing lights of happiness. They are repelled by black holes of neediness. Being a self-assured, self-reliant, whole human and beacon of light and happiness in your own right is absolutely the best attractant you can possibly put forth in your relationship.

 

Now he may very well have an "addiction" problem. But the reality is that YOU DO NOT HAVE THE POWER to fix him. So stop trying. It just makes you crazy and him withdraw more.

 

Don't enable him. If he wants to play TV games before his flight, don't pack for him. If he wants to fool around way after your bedtime because he was up watching TV all night, tell him it is too late for you that you need to do that earlier and need your rest. Don't use this as a club to beat him over the head, because that is a control issue. Just don't do for him that which a normal person can and should be doing for himself.

 

I would wager that you backing off, taking care of yourself, doing the things that make you happy and leaving him alone will cause him to at least wonder where you are and what you're doing.

 

Why not get a DVR? It's the easiest way to not miss TV shows. Let him watch his shows on a decent schedule. Go find something else to do while he's doing that.

 

You may find that after some time, he will begin wondering what's up with you.

 

So IF he doesn't come around (which is very likely if it's a true addiction), how long do you propose she continue following your advice and living with this marriage-which-is-not-a-marriage?

 

Okay, I have actually thought of something which does work on non-chemical-induced addicts - they are forced by some inevitable turn of events to go cold turkey for a while, and after that it begins to lose its draw. For example, TV series addict is forced by his job/course to go to a rural area for a few weeks, where there is no satelite. However, it's true that the OP can't do anything about that without being incredibly sneaky and manipulative. Still, I believe that if one's partner is truly addicted, backing off gains nothing. Chances are he won't even notice her backing off until his mind is cleared of the addiction for a while.

Edited April 23, 2010 by Elswyth

[Enema]

Ehhh, I disagree with everyone.

 

You said the guy is good on weekends, you go out, spend time with family etc.

 

We've just had another thread on this forum about how 9-5 jobs are so draining and you never get any personal time. That's what he's trying to do - finish work and relax.

 

He's established video games as a great way for him to relax after work and he loves doing it. Does it mean you're less important than games? NO. What do you expect him to do, sit there on the couch and talk with you for a few hours? lol

 

Men and women are not the same creatures. You need to understand that, he's not going to act like a woman would and there's nothing wrong with that.

[angie2443]

Actually, he grew up NOT having any kind of video games or TV. He grew up in a farm up until about 25. Then he moved to the city and we met. The x-box he got over a year ago was his first "game" ever. His addiction grew slowly, first 2-3 times a week, now all the time!

Like "isthisallthereis", I take care of the bills, house cleaning, cooking, etc because dear husband is plugged all the time! I think the main problem is that I let it become an addiction to him, I never really complained until a few weeks ago.

 

I just think it's not normal for a married man to be plugged all the time at the expense of everything else. If he lived alone and was single, I understand. His behavior wouldn't affect anyone, not directly anyway.

And like MarriedTex said, he uses his video games/TV as his "reward" after a hard day at work, beer and all. He even sings by heart some of the tv commercials. Once I told him we were invited to a friend's birthday party, and he replied "oh no! I'm going to miss my show. Can't we go later (after the show's finishes)?" He looked genuinely sad. We went anyways, of course.

Maybe I have part of the blame in his addiction for not saying anything until now and not seeing the problem until now.

 

I'm wondering if he was addicted to something on that farm or just walked around bored out of his mind all the time.

 

IMO, walking around naked in front of him, or pulling other tricks from your hat, isn't going to work. It might in the beginning, untill the novelty wears off and then he'll go right back to his gaming.

 

This has nothing to do with you. You could be the most wonderful wife/partner in the world, and he would still want to play his games. You could be a horrible nag, and he would use it as an excuse to play his games. The problem is in him. The one thing you can do is make him aware of it (if he's open to that). If he becomes aware, then maybe he'll be willing to work towards change.

 

I''ve been where you've been before. It is a nightmare. I hope you find a way out. Good luck.

[tnttim]

Go out and have a blast without him. When you get home tell him how much fun you had without him. Keep doing it until he notices that his xbox is getting more attention than you are. Once he shows interest or wants sex, tease him, make him think he's going to get it and then don't give it him. Make him wait, make him earn it.

 

You can award him when he reaches 100 points, he'll relate to that.

[just_some_guy]

So IF he doesn't come around (which is very likely if it's a true addiction), how long do you propose she continue following your advice and living with this marriage-which-is-not-a-marriage?

 

So much drama, "this marriage which is not a marriage".

 

Geez, the guy is withdrawn he ain't beating her, sleeping around on her, or secretly gay or some other Oprah Winfrey tear-jerker scenario.

 

If she's sick of it now, she can go down to the lawyer and file papers.

 

But I see a woman who might possibly CRAVE attention. I mean, look how many posts in this thread alone. If you have ever been on the other side of that, well, it can be a challenge like I mentioned.

 

Okay, I have actually thought of something which does work on non-chemical-induced addicts - they are forced by some inevitable turn of events to go cold turkey for a while, and after that it begins to lose its draw. For example, TV series addict is forced by his job/course to go to a rural area for a few weeks, where there is no satelite. However, it's true that the OP can't do anything about that without being incredibly sneaky and manipulative. Still, I believe that if one's partner is truly addicted, backing off gains nothing. Chances are he won't even notice her backing off until his mind is cleared of the addiction for a while.

 

Look at what you're suggesting: trying to assert CONTROL on another human being. This is guaranteed to FAIL. What is required is the opposite, to let go, turn the focus off of him and on to herself.

 

The word addiction is tossed around a lot and honestly, I doubt this is a true addiction. He's withdrawing and avoiding and using the TV and stuff as a shield and an excuse. Why is he withdrawing? What is going on in the relationship that he has decided to avoid her? What is he denying her that bothers her so much?

 

This is all ripe for therapy. It can probably be worked out. Playing games of control and manipulation though, will just mess it up worse.

[shadowofman]

100% agree with just some guy. Video games are often more fulfilling than real life for some people. Why would he pay attention to you when he can hack an orc in two? Me and my SO are both very focused on various media. Just go out and have fun without him but I wouldn't suggest coming home and telling him all the details. That might make him want to tune you out more. Let his interest come to you on his own time.

[xxoo]

Like "isthisallthereis", I take care of the bills, house cleaning, cooking, etc because dear husband is plugged all the time! .

 

Aroma, do you also work outside the home? Forgive me if you've answered that and I missed it.

 

I do agree with justsomeguy that you need to figure out the root reason for his behavior, rather than engaging in games to (temporarily) draw his attention toward you. Why is he checking out? Is it work stress or home stress? Relationship dissatisfaction?

 

But I don't agree with posters claiming this is normal guy stuff. Men don't deserve an undisrupted evening of downtime simply because they are men. Women work too, and deserve partners during the week--not just on the weekends. Do NOT get pregnant with this man as things stand unless you are willing to parent solo while he plays video games. I've heard that sad story way too many times.

[just_some_guy]

I do agree with justsomeguy that you need to figure out the root reason for his behavior, rather than engaging in games to (temporarily) draw his attention toward you. Why is he checking out? Is it work stress or home stress? Relationship dissatisfaction?

.

 

She needs to get to the root reason of her own behavior.

 

She has to accept that she may never know his root reasons, that he may never change. Only he can know his own root reasons for doing whatever and he may not even knowingly understand them.

 

But by accepting and letting go, turning the attention on herself, will there be any chance of moving forward.

 

This is a situation that is well suited for counseling. No one seems to be cheating, no violence, no drugs. Why not give a pro a chance to help?

[angie2443]

Aroma, I had a thought. How close are you to your husband's mom or dad? I am very lucky in that I have a wonderful mother-in-law. Twice, when my husband and I have experienced rough times, I was able to talk to her. I never attacked my husband and was very respectful of him and her when we had these talks. She was able to shed a lot of light into my husband's personality and past that made me understand much of what was happening. If you feel confortable to do this, or if he has siblings you could talk to, it might give you insight into what is going on with your husband. There is nothing worse than trying to solve a problem without any solid information.

[sally4sara]

I disagree with the people saying he isn't doing anything that is a big deal. And the idea that gaming is more interesting than real life? That is warped.

I like some games. My husband likes many many more. We watch shows too and will watch one even if it isn't our favorite because it is time together cuddling on the couch. But for all his interest in these things - he will shut them off without request because time with me is important to him too. I don't even need to ask.

 

The fact that it is not or time with you is regulated to one or two specific days out of the week, indicates an inability to prioritize his relationship as a husband and father. Those are full time obligations. your partner and child not not have a pause/off button. You can't put them in a save file for later. Acting like that is okay is HIS way of being controlling. The OP's distress over this is not being controlling, it is the result of her husband's controlling habits.

[aroma]

But I see a woman who might possibly CRAVE attention. I mean, look how many posts in this thread alone. If you have ever been on the other side of that, well, it can be a challenge like I mentioned.

I'm sorry, but I don't crave attention, what I do CRAVE is a normal, 50/50 relationship. I don't think it's considered "normal" a man that spends waaayyy more time staring at a tube and playing games than with his wife (or even friends) or just doing something else, any other hobby. He's so hooked on his addiction that even before going to work, at 6:30 AM, he will eat his breakfast in front of the tv! Never mind that I got up with him to fix him coffee and breakfast. Sometimes he answers a call and will NOT turn off the tv or even lower the volume, or will leave the tv on when he goes take a shower.

 

I have started being less tolerate of his addiction, and instead of "nagging" at him and getting him and getting me upset in the process, which could lead to a big argument and nowhere close to a solution, well, actions speak louder than words. For example...

 

Last night as always, he expected me to serve him supper in the living room. I said, "is the rice ready?" Of course not. So I asked him to please prepare it (in the rice cooker) b/c I had to go out and buy some groceries missing. He was surprised and a bit upset, but didn't say a word. When I came back from the store, not only had he prepared the rice, but he had washed the dishes that had piled up!

 

Also, since Tuesday, I don't get up with him to fix him breakfast. First he kicked and yelled, saying "how am I going to make breakfast, coffee, and get ready for work?" I stood by what I said, and well, somehow he CAN do it all by himself, like a big boy.

 

I really think that somewhere along the line, he has taken me for granted. Now my job is to "undo" that, slowly but surely.

[aroma]

Aroma, I had a thought. How close are you to your husband's mom or dad? I am very lucky in that I have a wonderful mother-in-law. Twice, when my husband and I have experienced rough times, I was able to talk to her. I never attacked my husband and was very respectful of him and her when we had these talks. She was able to shed a lot of light into my husband's personality and past that made me understand much of what was happening. If you feel confortable to do this, or if he has siblings you could talk to, it might give you insight into what is going on with your husband. There is nothing worse than trying to solve a problem without any solid information.

Unfortunately his family lives 4 hrs away. We moved to this city when we got married, not knowing anyone. He barely gets to see his friends b/c they all work a lot. But again, it's no reason to tune out everything and make the TV your best friend!

[angie2443]

Also, since Tuesday, I don't get up with him to fix him breakfast. First he kicked and yelled, saying "how am I going to make breakfast, coffee, and get ready for work?" I stood by what I said, and well, somehow he CAN do it all by himself, like a big boy.

.

 

 

Unlike adults, kids don't have the same inhibitions or control.

Imagine how it feels when you're determined to program your DVD player and aren't able to do it, no matter how hard you try, because you can't understand how. It's pretty frustrating — do you swear, throw the manual, walk away, and slam the door on your way out? That's the adult version of a tantrum. Toddlers are also trying to master their world and when they aren't able to accomplish a task, they turn to one of the only tools at their disposal for venting frustration — a tantrum

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/tantrums.html

 

Does this sound like your husband?

 

I think you may be looking at this the wrong. Yes, it is fustrating and it isn't right. I know you need to vent. You also need to realize that you are not the cause of his problem. You can help him see it, maybe. You can't fix it, though, without him understanding that he has a problem.

[aroma]

Aroma, do you also work outside the home? Forgive me if you've answered that and I missed it.

Yes, I work full time, and I'm just as tired as he is when I come home. So why would he be allowed to relax on the sofa, watch tv and play games until he passes out while I cook dinner, clean the house, take care of bills? Grrr I'm really upset right now. I am SURE that if it was the other way around, he would have NOT tolerated my attitude too long. He wouldn't have allowed me to go there.

 

But enough is enough. Things will have to change, period.

[crazycatlady]

I think Just A Guy and XXOO make some great points and you should reread them. I also have to chime in against the whole use sex idea. NEVER use sex for anything but the fun its meant to be.

 

I still think you need to engage into his downtime activities too. Maybe if you took part of them, he will open more to you. Heck, take over the activity and claim you time with the gaming system.

 

Let the house get a little messy. Feed yourself and not him. Do your own laundry, not his. If he asks why, say marriage chores are joint, roommates do their own. And leave it at that.

 

I don't get the whole BILL thing. Everyone always goes on and on about how hard it is to pay bills. Get online bill pay at your bank, when the bill comes in, set it up to get paid and boom you are done. It takes 30 seconds. Not a chore to get up in arms about. Now if you want to whine about scrubbing toilets, doing dishes, folding laundry, sure sure. but paying bills? How many bills are there anyway? Gas, Water, Electric, Phone, TV, Internet, cell, rent/mortgage, insurance, car payments. Even if you wrote checks for them all, it should take more then a minute for each one.

 

Get a dvr, its like 10 dollars a month extra through the cable company. He can record his shows and watch them at a better time.

 

CCL

[xxoo]

Yes, I work full time, and I'm just as tired as he is when I come home. So why would he be allowed to relax on the sofa, watch tv and play games until he passes out while I cook dinner, clean the house, take care of bills? Grrr I'm really upset right now. I am SURE that if it was the other way around, he would have NOT tolerated my attitude too long. He wouldn't have allowed me to go there.

 

But enough is enough. Things will have to change, period.

 

Yep, time to confront the issue for certain.

 

You know, there are so many threads on this forum about wives who no longer want sex--women who acted like the loved sex before marriage, and then want no sex after marriage. They are characterized as selling a bill of goods--of "bait and switch".

 

I really see this as analogous. Early in marriage, your H spent time with you. He acted like he prioritized and enjoyed spending time with you. And now he's changed. Not cool, and not excusable because he is a man.

 

Another point made on the other threads (the sex threads) is that, if you live with the partner's new behavior for years on end...if you advance the relationship (buy a house, have kids, etc) with the new behavior in place....you are accepting the new behavior and have less footing to object years later. Now is the time to make waves and make your needs clear. Good luck!

[xxoo]

I don't get the whole BILL thing. Everyone always goes on and on about how hard it is to pay bills.

 

Online or not, it is just one more stressful thing to be responsible for each week/month. I hate paying bills

[Els]

So much drama, "this marriage which is not a marriage".

 

Geez, the guy is withdrawn he ain't beating her, sleeping around on her, or secretly gay or some other Oprah Winfrey tear-jerker scenario.

 

If she's sick of it now, she can go down to the lawyer and file papers.

 

But I see a woman who might possibly CRAVE attention. I mean, look how many posts in this thread alone. If you have ever been on the other side of that, well, it can be a challenge like I mentioned.

 

Uh, how is it a marriage when they don't spend ANY time together, as per her OP? What would you call your marriage if your wife went out with her friends every single day and couldn't be bothered to do anything with you, including sex? If she threw a huge fuss if something prevented her from going out with her friends for ONE day? We won't know whether or not the OP craves attention or not, but based on her OP, what she wants sounds pretty reasonable.

 

You didn't answer my question: How long should she put up with this while patiently waiting for him to change?

 

Look at what you're suggesting: trying to assert CONTROL on another human being. This is guaranteed to FAIL. What is required is the opposite, to let go, turn the focus off of him and on to herself.

 

The word addiction is tossed around a lot and honestly, I doubt this is a true addiction. He's withdrawing and avoiding and using the TV and stuff as a shield and an excuse. Why is he withdrawing? What is going on in the relationship that he has decided to avoid her? What is he denying her that bothers her so much?

 

This is all ripe for therapy. It can probably be worked out. Playing games of control and manipulation though, will just mess it up worse.

FYI, I didn't suggest anything. I simply said that that was the only THING that I have ever seen to work - I have never said that SHE should do it. Please read my post.

 

As for your suggestion, this places the blame on her, and the onus for change on her, and IT CANNOT BE SO. There's nothing wrong with individual therapy, yes, and it may help her to figure herself out better and be good for self-development, yadda yadda. But until and unless her man is willing to admit that something is wrong in their relationship and do something about it such as going for MC or trying to work things out WITH her instead of just sitting in front of the TV, nothing she does about herself will change this scenario. Spouses who are withdrawing from a bad relationship don't throw hissy fits about missing an episode of TV.

[Els]

I'm sorry, but I don't crave attention, what I do CRAVE is a normal, 50/50 relationship. I don't think it's considered "normal" a man that spends waaayyy more time staring at a tube and playing games than with his wife (or even friends) or just doing something else, any other hobby. He's so hooked on his addiction that even before going to work, at 6:30 AM, he will eat his breakfast in front of the tv! Never mind that I got up with him to fix him coffee and breakfast. Sometimes he answers a call and will NOT turn off the tv or even lower the volume, or will leave the tv on when he goes take a shower.

 

I have started being less tolerate of his addiction, and instead of "nagging" at him and getting him and getting me upset in the process, which could lead to a big argument and nowhere close to a solution, well, actions speak louder than words. For example...

 

Last night as always, he expected me to serve him supper in the living room. I said, "is the rice ready?" Of course not. So I asked him to please prepare it (in the rice cooker) b/c I had to go out and buy some groceries missing. He was surprised and a bit upset, but didn't say a word. When I came back from the store, not only had he prepared the rice, but he had washed the dishes that had piled up!

 

Also, since Tuesday, I don't get up with him to fix him breakfast. First he kicked and yelled, saying "how am I going to make breakfast, coffee, and get ready for work?" I stood by what I said, and well, somehow he CAN do it all by himself, like a big boy.

 

I really think that somewhere along the line, he has taken me for granted. Now my job is to "undo" that, slowly but surely.

 

This is also a good idea, to stop enabling him. That might work - I'm crossing my fingers for you!

 

P.S. He kicked and yelled?!

[xxoo]

She needs to get to the root reason of her own behavior.

 

She has to accept that she may never know his root reasons, that he may never change. Only he can know his own root reasons for doing whatever and he may not even knowingly understand them.

 

But by accepting and letting go, turning the attention on herself, will there be any chance of moving forward.

 

jsg, I'm curious if you would give the same advice to a husband whose wife suddenly no longer wants to have sex?

[crazycatlady]

Online or not, it is just one more stressful thing to be responsible for each week/month. I hate paying bills

 

Since I screwed up the past two months (well it was two months but a two week period) in a row, I understand, but people drone on and on about it and its really rather simple. Now if you wanna talk laundry or dishes, I'm right there with you.

[just_some_guy]

jsg, I'm curious if you would give the same advice to a husband whose wife suddenly no longer wants to have sex?

 

In many cases, yes.

 

What is more attractive? A begging, clingy, angry, needy husband/wife, or a confident, happy, self-assured husband/wife?

 

If the sexless wifey is not suffering a medical condition, not out cheating with someone else, or hasn't decided she's gay or something, then why would she not want to have sex? All that is left is fatigue and stress. Rest fixes fatigue. Stress can be from within or outside of the marriage relationship. If the stress is from within the marriage, hubby needs to start with himself, do a personal inventory and see what's going on with himself first. Hygiene not up to standards? Gained weight, not taking care of himself? Lousy attitude? Once he has a handle on his own situation, then he needs to look in the "us" column.

 

Several times in this thread, I have also recommended professional intervention. They have a fixable situation. Some counseling would probably help them a lot.

 

I never said it was her problem, or that her husband didn't have a problem. TV is not an addiction. It's a way to avoid something in the relationship or possibly entirely in his own emotions. If it is the relationship, then there is probably a him, her and us component.