Scrwriter Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Hi All, I've posted here before. A very verbose post about my current situation. Right now I'm torn. I want to restart my life. I want to date again. I have no clue as to how to do it because it's been 18 years since I have. I'm an attractive smart guy but getting into the dating scene again fills me with dread but I want something more. I want to have a life. To be happy again. She's keeping me in limbo. Separation. No resolution. I still have feelings for her. And I'm torn. I don't want to beat my head against a wall with her but I also don't want to torpedo any hope of reconciliation. Jesus, I'm confused. Time is ticking away and I want happiness. What to do? How do I even begin to start dating? Freaking clueless in that regard.
tojaz Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Sorry, being blunt here. Do you want a reconciliation or do you want to date others?? The choice of one will greatly effect the other. Where do your priorities lie? TOJAZ
2sunny Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 i'd say that as long as you still have feelings for her - it is wise not to date new women - or simply not fair to them. at least for a while and your attachment to your wife have diminished. you need time to process being on your own... and heal. when you get to feeling healthier then consider a woman. otherwise you are leading her on and likely to get confused with your feelings. i feel much stronger after a few years past my divorce which lasted 20 years. it takes time. stay busy with friends and family otherwise you are likely to hurt some women you would prefer not to. hugs for healing...
trippi1432 Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Hi All, I've posted here before. A very verbose post about my current situation. Right now I'm torn. I want to restart my life. I want to date again. I have no clue as to how to do it because it's been 18 years since I have. I'm an attractive smart guy but getting into the dating scene again fills me with dread but I want something more. I want to have a life. To be happy again. She's keeping me in limbo. Separation. No resolution. I still have feelings for her. And I'm torn. I don't want to beat my head against a wall with her but I also don't want to torpedo any hope of reconciliation. Jesus, I'm confused. Time is ticking away and I want happiness. What to do? How do I even begin to start dating? Freaking clueless in that regard. Scrwriter - haven't looked back at all your posts yet, but do want to offer up something since you appear to be very new to the boards. When my ex left...the first time and the second time...I did want to reconcile. I tried the advice that I was given by my friends....be aloof...be mysterious....dress up like you have a date...guess what. Backfire...he wound up in the sack with another woman almost instantaneously. We both regret it now, because there is no going back once that bridge has been crossed (15 year relationship). Good question posed here, do you want to date or do you want a reconciliation....there's no room for both....a wrong never makes a right.
Author Scrwriter Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 I guess the answer of do I want to date or do I want to reconcile is I don't know. I truly don't. i'm not up for anymore rejection, yet I do have feelings for her. How could I not? She's been my wife for 18 years and is the mother of my children. But I don't want to f--ing sit around and wait on her to change her mind arbitrarily and then when she decides she's found another man, I'd be crushed. I just want to protect myself. I want to be happy. I want someone to appreciate me. I can't give you an answer if I want to date or reconcile because the reconcile portion of it is COMPLETELY out of my hands. I don't like being in that position. I've tried everything. Worked on our relationship, changed, lost weight, was supportive for 10 months and all I get back is COLD responses. I'm a person who needs some emotional response. So here I sit. Do I venture out. Having nothing but cold and vitriol spilled at me for a year or do I still try and beat the dead horse? Is it a dead horse? When do you know it's a dead horse is my question really? Thanks for letting me vent.
You Go Girl Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Isn't your wife the vindictive lawyer that goes through your garbage? And you're thinking of stepping out before it's done in the courts? I don't think you even have the option! Forget about the desire. Maybe it's time for a good talk with your wife to discover if that horse is dead or not.
MoscaVia Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I reccommend a book called "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad To Stay". It helped me see what the answer was for me. Its not a real long book, easily readbale.
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