facekilla89 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 me and my fiance have been together for 1yr 5 months and now she says she feels like shes not inlove with me anymore and she wants a break okay so i was like what kinda break she wants a break like we are together but dont act like we are and give her space so she can think and figure out what she wants we have two kids. we are still living together she wants me to go places with her and what not i dont understand what she wants you know i need some advice i want this to work she says she does to but she needs space she says she still cares and all and saying no matter what will i be her friend just in case we dont work out we have split up twice before and she called me four hours after i moved out and said i want you back we have been through alot together and i think we are a great couple and i just need advice on this thank you
GrayClouds Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 me and my fiance have been together for 1yr 5 months and now she says she feels like shes not inlove with me anymore and she wants a break okay so i was like what kinda break she wants a break like we are together but dont act like we are and give her space so she can think and figure out what she wants we have two kids. we are still living together she wants me to go places with her and what not i dont understand what she wants you know i need some advice i want this to work she says she does to but she needs space she says she still cares and all and saying no matter what will i be her friend just in case we dont work out we have split up twice before and she called me four hours after i moved out and said i want you back we have been through alot together and i think we are a great couple and i just need advice on this thank you Sorry for your pain. In most cases a break usually means that she has here eye on someone else but whats to keep you around in case it does not work out. Even if that is not the case, the only way she will miss you is if your not around. This means you have to focus on your self, keep yourself busy doing things that makes you happy, teaches you something new, helps you grow as a person. It feels counter-intuitive but she asking for her space, you have to give it to her. Again the more you try to perused her the more you will push her a way. Read this it may help: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/ Good luck and be kind to yourself.
chapter44 Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 First let me tell ya that I am sorry that you are going through this. I just went through this the day after Easter so I can understand your feelings and confusion. We were best friends for 6 months and led into a 1 1/2 year relationship and we were also engaged. It sounds as if you don't know why she wants a break or if there is someone else. Honestly I don't think it matters if she is interested in someone else (I found my fiance with another man at 6 in the morning in the house we shared). You need to decide what you are willing to accept so that you can maintain your sense of dignity and self respect. For me the choice was simple, respect is paramount and I could not and would not allow anyone to treat me that way. Before I left I told her how I felt, that I loved her and wanted nothing more than to make her happy and be her husband but I needed to love and respect enough leave. I would sit down with her and tell her how you feel then leave and break contact so she can experience a life with out you. I know that is easy to say but very difficult to do but I believe if you don't her doubts will continue to plague your relationship. During this time apart focus on yourself do the things you never had time to do and take care of yourself. Let her figure out her demons, sort through her doubts, and if she comes back it will be on the terms you are comfortable with and you will have maintained your self respect. It has been 3 weeks and I have had virtually no contact and do not intend to. I wish you the best and will be holding out hope that you two can work through this.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 She wants to be single while you stay her 'friend' and foot the bills.
Author facekilla89 Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 we are still together do you guys not understand she just wants space dont tell me the worst tell me what i seems like damn you people just wanting to put me down
Author facekilla89 Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 should i mention counsling or just sit down with her when she gets back home tommorrow shes staying at a friends house tonight i dont think there is a guy but really how do you just fall out of love with someone just like that please help me on this
Chochobong Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Only have time for a short post right now. While you wait for people to post replies, read as many of the other threads in the "Breaks and Break-ups" forums here as you can. They will give you some great insight into your own situation and show you more than not that things don't end up so rosy at the end of the path you're on. You are probably in the Denial stage right now, and I don't mean that in an offensive way. I was once there too.
GrayClouds Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 should i mention counsling or just sit down with her when she gets back home tommorrow shes staying at a friends house tonight i dont think there is a guy but really how do you just fall out of love with someone just like that please help me on this face I am really sorry for your pain. You are right people do not just fall out of live. The problem is she requesting space, and it is really hard on working on a realtionship, and I suspect even suggesting counseling will feel like your pressuring her. The harder you try to make this work the less strong and confident you seem. She wants space, let her see what life is like with out you. Until she is wanting to fight for this relationship, it is over, and there is very little you can do. Remember you deserve someone who love you fulling and will fight tooth and nail for your realtionship. Not someone who has to think about it. The more you understand that, the more you act on that belief, the great you show her your worth. While it is really hard to hear but the advice you have been getting is pretty good. Good luck and keep posting, people are here to help.
Enema Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I'm guessing by your username that you're about 20 years old. You have terrible spelling/grammar so I assume you're uneducated. 2 kids. Engaged to what I assume is a girlfriend from highschool, or from when you were <18 years old. This situation is normal - she's thinking to herself, "I'm stuck with this dude forever? this is all I'm going to get? godammnit! I want to see if I can get anything better before I settle". So, she asks for a break to quietly see if she can land a bigger fish. If not, you'll be there as a faithful backup. I dunno man, anytime I see a story where one partner asks for a break I instantly know it's over - completely objective perspective here. Even if she stays with you, I think eventually she'll either cheat, or your marriage will just be painful. GL.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 should i mention counsling or just sit down with her when she gets back home tommorrow shes staying at a friends house tonight i dont think there is a guy but really how do you just fall out of love with someone just like that please help me on this You could ask her to go to counseling with you, but understand this: by the time someone asks for 'space' they've gone through months of an internal 'breakup' from you and they are at the point where they are almost, but not 100% ready to break it off completely, particularly if the breakup will leave them in a worse off financial bind (ie: she isn't ready to be a struggling single mother with two kids), and also if the person they are asking for 'space' to make emotional room for isn't 100% a sure thing yet. People don't ask for space to figure out if they love you. They ask for space to figure out why they don't. People who love you and genuinely want to be with you and ONLY with you do not want or need the sort of 'space' she is talking about. Nor is it something that happens suddenly. She is nearing the end of a long process that appears to you to be just the beginning. I think once you get to the bottom of things, there will be a male 'friend' that she has been talking to, or hanging out with, or emailing, or texting, etc. and the more she did, the quicker she reached the point where she needed 'space' from you. Seriously - do not attempt a talk or counseling with her until you know for sure. Please do not just ask her. She will lie if she still stands to lose something by you two breaking up completely. Think about it: how logical is it for someone with two kids to leave for no reason? There is a reason. If you dig deep enough you'll find it, or rather - him. 99.99999999999999999% of the time, when someone says they need 'space' it is because they want to devote the space they take from you and give it to someone else.
EmperorR Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Sorry man it's pretty much over, having kids means nothing in this day and age look around you see the amount of single moms, single dads. Divorced parents with kids, wives husbands walk out on their family daily. She probably checked out the relationship months ago, people that young are not keen to settling down. Try ad get custody if you can
ADF Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 we are still together do you guys not understand she just wants space dont tell me the worst tell me what i seems like damn you people just wanting to put me down People here are not trying to put you down. They're really not. They're trying to wake you up. There are no "breaks" in relationships. When someone asks for a break, or says they "need space," it almost always means they've found someone else. Almost always. At best, it means they are going to break up with you soon, for good. Your relationship with this woman is OVER.
Author facekilla89 Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 we are back together now and its going good she told me she didnt want to lose me she it was us fighting and argueing and she didnt know if we would work out and i am changing my attitude andshe like it we are putting the engagment on hold to see how things go not sure what to think but i dont think there was another guy cuz she was always calling and texting me if that means anything but we talk morethen ever now and just i feel like i needed to change my attitude so i am doing it and she is very happy with me right now we are not arguing at all so i think it is gonna work forever i hope but not everything goes the way it is planned i am hopping to move on in this relationship and make her happier then ever i am gonna go back to school so we will be more stable and happier so what do you think
EmperorR Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 we are back together now and its going good she told me she didnt want to lose me she it was us fighting and argueing and she didnt know if we would work out and i am changing my attitude andshe like it we are putting the engagment on hold to see how things go not sure what to think but i dont think there was another guy cuz she was always calling and texting me if that means anything but we talk morethen ever now and just i feel like i needed to change my attitude so i am doing it and she is very happy with me right now we are not arguing at all so i think it is gonna work forever i hope but not everything goes the way it is planned i am hopping to move on in this relationship and make her happier then ever i am gonna go back to school so we will be more stable and happier so what do you think Good Luck, but I've been there man, odds are in a few weeks or months she'll need space again etc., and this time for good. But Good Luck and all the best and I hope it works out in your favour
GrayClouds Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 we are back together now and its going good she told me she didnt want to lose me she it was us fighting and argueing and she didnt know if we would work out and i am changing my attitude andshe like it we are putting the engagment on hold to see how things go not sure what to think but i dont think there was another guy cuz she was always calling and texting me if that means anything but we talk morethen ever now and just i feel like i needed to change my attitude so i am doing it and she is very happy with me right now we are not arguing at all so i think it is gonna work forever i hope but not everything goes the way it is planned i am hopping to move on in this relationship and make her happier then ever i am gonna go back to school so we will be more stable and happier so what do you think I think punctuation would be helpful. I also think that developing specific goals for yourself like going to school, reading some books on realtionship building, and possible developing some healthy hobbies to help you grow is as important in successful relationship as trying to make the other person happy. You both are at the point in your lives where it is helpful to learn how to make yourself happy, find out who you are in and outside the relationship, and how to support each other as well as yourself in healthy ways, learn to communicate in productive ways. You may want to work with a professional to help you both, it would be a good investment for the future and a show a great deal of maturity.
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