joey66 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 There is a thread in the Infidelity section called "why people have extramarital affairs?" I replied that one possible reason is because you fall in love with someone else. It led me to the question in the title of this thread. (I don't want to t/j, plus I think this is the more appropriate forum.) Do you think it is possible to love your spouse (or SO) AND fall for someone else? My answer is yes, because it happened to me. Anybody else feel this way?
jthorne Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Not for me, it isn't possible. When I'm in love with someone, they are the only one on the planet.
Free4evva Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Not in love... But love none the less. Anything & everything is possible Every human being is unique so we love each person for unique reasons. Saying no or it's impossible is ridiculous! It's like saying I'll never fall in love because I hate it. Then one day it hits like a ton of bricks. We don't have control over that part of us as humans. But we do have control over situations. Just remember to try not use the word never. It's ignorant.
skylarblue Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I think so. People hold different types of love for many people simultaneously throughout their life; so it shouldn’t be impossible to think that someone can genuinely be romantically in love with two people at the same time. I don’t necessarily believe the “he/she couldn’t have really loved me if he/she was with or loved someone else”. But many people only have the need or desire to be in love with only one person at a time and do not or could not entertain it being any other way. I was in live with two people at once before; I had a long-term bf and fell in love with my friend. To make matters worse both loved me too and it kinda turned into a tug-of-war situation for a bit. It was not a very pleasant situation, and I think love triangles rarely (if ever) turn out well.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Hell no! i may lust after another woman, but only one stands in my eyes and in my heart that i love if you got weak boundries that's your damn fault.
allanworks Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 regretfully yes it happens. i knew a girl in love with 2 guys she ended up shooting herself.it causes allot of mental strain on women .men for some reason are a diffrent story why i dont know.
ladydesigner Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I'm not sure if it is possible to love 2 people with the same intensity. The love I have for my H is not the same "fantasy" kind of love I had with my XOM. Sure i believe I loved them both, but in different ways. Not sure if that makes any sense but it is my .02
JamesM Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 It is possible to have the FEELINGS of love or feel an infatuation with more than one person, but in the truest sense of the word love (as in the kind meant for an intimate and long term relationship), it is not possible. Now, I am not trying to say you are a liar. What I am saying is that you FELT love for both, but love is best defined as putting self second to someone else. It means that you want what is best for that person and will sacrifice for that person. Infatuation wants....Love gives. So, can you love two people with that definition in mind? The answer is best asked with the question...is "loving" a second person good for the first person? Can both be happy if you give your all to each? Was one person hurt while you "loved" the other person? The best way to determine if you actually loved both is to see how each feels and reacts when you say, "I love you as much as I love (2nd person)." I doubt either will say that you truly love them.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Do you think it is possible to love your spouse (or SO) AND fall for someone else? Yes, but it won't be the same sort of love.
wheelwright Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Despite being someone who was involved in an A I would say no for me. I don't discount it for others though. Perhaps they are more or less evolved than me? For me, it is one person. And I also feel that when you give your heart truly, it's a one off event. I believe that the kind of love we dream of is rarely found. But I wait eagerly to be proved wrong. All love touches our souls. But our souls are full of dreaming about what love is. If it's a hippy love that encompasses many, then thats your bag. Cool. My bag appears to be falling so badly for my xMOM that my soul will not permit me another love equal in soul connection. What we had was made of those bricks. Yet having lost him, I go about my life. I will welcome other loves if they happen along. But he was the one. I didn't believe in that before, but I do now I have experienced it. I see no wrong or right, better or worse in this. It's the way it is for different individuals.
Moanin Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 (edited) Do you think it is possible to love your spouse (or SO) AND fall for someone else? My answer is yes, because it happened to me. Anybody else feel this way? I believe that you can love two people at the same time, but you probably love them differently. If your heart is available to fall in love with someone outside of your marriage, then your heart isn't fully in your marriage. Edited April 22, 2010 by Moanin
Just a stone's throw Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Where does loving one's self fall into this? I think it's entirely impossible to deeply be in love with two people at the same time unless one is your SO and one is yourself. The 3rd loses out. The love for one's self may be the most selfish love when it comes to an A as it can be held above both the other loves in order to justify the A. I say this though I see myself in this picture and am trying to make it through the fog. One of the 3 loses out. imho.
White Flower Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Absolutely not, not for me. I can only love one man at a time and I can't just stop my feelings even when I'm crazy angry. I do believe we can love someone in the capacity of caring for them while being in love with another, but I do not believe we can be in love with two people at the same time.
fooled once Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 There is a thread in the Infidelity section called "why people have extramarital affairs?" I replied that one possible reason is because you fall in love with someone else. It led me to the question in the title of this thread. (I don't want to t/j, plus I think this is the more appropriate forum.) Do you think it is possible to love your spouse (or SO) AND fall for someone else? My answer is yes, because it happened to me. Anybody else feel this way? No, I don't believe you can. I don't believe you can truly love 2 people at the same time. I think you can be infatuated with 2 people. Heck, I don't even think you can love 2 kids the same that is why I only had 1 kid. I think this question will vary from person to person - there is black and white answer.
White Flower Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 No, I don't believe you can. I don't believe you can truly love 2 people at the same time. I think you can be infatuated with 2 people. Heck, I don't even think you can love 2 kids the same that is why I only had 1 kid. I think this question will vary from person to person - there is black and white answer.Not to t/j, but when my exH was getting his Vasectomy our urologist encouraged us as parents that love never stops growing. If we have a 'surprise' or 'accident' baby then our love will only multiply and be available for more children. I do believe this works for children, but not in romantic Rs.
crazycatlady Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 There is a thread in the Infidelity section called "why people have extramarital affairs?" I replied that one possible reason is because you fall in love with someone else. It led me to the question in the title of this thread. (I don't want to t/j, plus I think this is the more appropriate forum.) Do you think it is possible to love your spouse (or SO) AND fall for someone else? My answer is yes, because it happened to me. Anybody else feel this way? I think it is possible. I don't think everyone is capable of it. I'm not sure its the same way because I think we love everyone differently. I love my children differently but I can't say I love either better or more then the other just differently. They are different people so of course my love for them would be different. I think romantic love is similar. Anyway for romantic love.....I have no interest in multiple loves....multiple lovers, sure but not multiple loves. I'm devoted to my husband and its how I like it. I love my friends, I love some of my lovers, but not in love, not with devotion. But I know my husband loved both me and her at the same time. Their love was different then our love, but he loved her. I don't know if time would have made it stronger more lasting, but when she handled dday the way she did by hiding away from us both, it took a hit so it wasn't as strong, but it was also newer. My husband does though want a second, he has the capacity to love more then just me and when he's happy, it makes me happy. If we can find someone that suits us, I think it could be a lovely thing. I will be honest though and say I'm glad I don't have to figure out how to make it work with my sister though. So simply yes I do but I don't think its in the same way. But that to me doesn't mean its lessor. CCL
secretlady76 Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I love my husband. But when the MM came on the scene and we became close then the love I felt for him was the more 'new' type of love rather than the long term love I felt for my husband. I don't think you can feel the heady type love I was feeling for the married married for two people. Of course this type of love rarely lasts and it would eventually turn into the the type of love I felt for my husband. I have to keep reminding my self that how I am feeling now for the MM I did once feel for my husband..........a long long time ago!!!!....but because I haven't had the chance for the love I felt for the MM to become the, well, how shall I put it, mundane type of love, then it has become so intense and powerful......it's basically doing my head in!!!
shadowofman Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Love is love is love. You may love your parents or you siblings or your children exactly the same way you love your husbands or wives. Love only exists in degrees. And it is still entirely possible to love two people to the same degree. Mother/father. brother/sister. son/daughter. first wife/second wife. If there happens to be a situation where lover #1 is hurt by the idea that you love lover B, then we instinctively make a decision to unlove one or the other. Not very difficult to do, but a rational action in order to at least preserve some love. Most people's denial of their own poly-amorous capability is a rational decision to deny it. The plot of the movie "Brothers" is a great example of the psychological battle that culture creates. You cannot make the claim that polyamory does not exist.
crazycatlady Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Love is love is love. You may love your parents or you siblings or your children exactly the same way you love your husbands or wives. Love only exists in degrees. And it is still entirely possible to love two people to the same degree. Mother/father. brother/sister. son/daughter. first wife/second wife. If there happens to be a situation where lover #1 is hurt by the idea that you love lover B, then we instinctively make a decision to unlove one or the other. Not very difficult to do, but a rational action in order to at least preserve some love. Most people's denial of their own poly-amorous capability is a rational decision to deny it. The plot of the movie "Brothers" is a great example of the psychological battle that culture creates. You cannot make the claim that polyamory does not exist. I don't deny that polyamory exisits, infact that's my husband. But I don't agree that everyone feels that way. I don't think I have the ability and its not a decision to deny it. I've given this a lot of thought. Though I will concede that I might be denying it because I know another man simply would take too much time and effort. Your take on love is interesting too. I can see your point. I've never really believed there was a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone except as a degree of sexual attraction/desire for them. CCL
Tommy's Girl Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I love my husband. But when the MM came on the scene and we became close then the love I felt for him was the more 'new' type of love rather than the long term love I felt for my husband. I don't think you can feel the heady type love I was feeling for the married married for two people. Of course this type of love rarely lasts and it would eventually turn into the the type of love I felt for my husband. I have to keep reminding my self that how I am feeling now for the MM I did once feel for my husband..........a long long time ago!!!!....but because I haven't had the chance for the love I felt for the MM to become the, well, how shall I put it, mundane type of love, then it has become so intense and powerful......it's basically doing my head in!!! This makes a lot of sense. Some of us that were lucky enough to experience head over heels love with our spouses and then see that love turn into something different - still good but the newness is gone and the infatuation- I believe we can relive it the "new" kind of love (including lust and infatuation) with a different person if we let ourselves go there. The problem (or I guess it's not a problem) is, like you said, the newness will wear off and that love with eventually change too. I believe it is possible to love two people at the same time but neither will get the love they deserve or are supposed to have in a monogamous relationship. You can't give your all to 2 people.
SummerLady Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 There is a thread in the Infidelity section called "why people have extramarital affairs?" I replied that one possible reason is because you fall in love with someone else. It led me to the question in the title of this thread. (I don't want to t/j, plus I think this is the more appropriate forum.) Do you think it is possible to love your spouse (or SO) AND fall for someone else? My answer is yes, because it happened to me. Anybody else feel this way? No. Only one person will truly own your heart at one time. There may be a second choice. BUT always a first. It cannot be equal...
Passion4Life Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I love my husband. But when the MM came on the scene and we became close then the love I felt for him was the more 'new' type of love rather than the long term love I felt for my husband. I don't think you can feel the heady type love I was feeling for the married married for two people. Of course this type of love rarely lasts and it would eventually turn into the the type of love I felt for my husband. I have to keep reminding my self that how I am feeling now for the MM I did once feel for my husband..........a long long time ago!!!!....but because I haven't had the chance for the love I felt for the MM to become the, well, how shall I put it, mundane type of love, then it has become so intense and powerful......it's basically doing my head in!!! there is a saying that if are in love with some one and then fall in love with some one else , you should stay with the second person because you never loved the first person .
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