rougepomme Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 OK, I don't usually do things like this, but I really need some advice. Um, I dated my guy for about a year. He went home to visit family for a month, and when he came back, he told me that he had gotten married (arranged marriage). I don't know how to deal with this at all. It came as quite a shock. We talked once, and I told him that I want nothing to do with him now (obviously), but what should I do now? I have to deal with so much crap at once, it seems, getting over him, and the relationship, all while knowing that he is married, and over me (well, I assume he is). He lied to me through his teeth, telling me that he wanted to be with me, and then he goes, and within a month completely changes his mind, moves on, and finds someone else. I don't know anyone who has gone through anything like this, and I need some advice. Should I talk to him more? Never speak to him again? Neither option sounds too appealing. Also, any ideas on how to get closure, and move on. Any advice is appreciated.
reasontosigh Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 The only thing I have to work with is I'm guessing you (I was thinking both of you here, but definitely him anyway) is of legal marrying age in your locale. In any case, I have always thought that where arranged marriages are still the cultural norm, the parties have known it would happen to them eventually very early on. If that's the case, I certainly agree he should have been honest from the get-go. Sorry for not having any advice to offer, but I do offer my condolences.
Arabess Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 It's hard to answer without knowing how he feels about all of this? It's difficult for me to even IMAGINE an arranged marriage.......much less respond to how to address it. Can you give more details without feeling like you are saying too much?
Author rougepomme Posted January 20, 2004 Author Posted January 20, 2004 Originally posted by reasontosigh The only thing I have to work with is I'm guessing you (I was thinking both of you here, but definitely him anyway) is of legal marrying age in your locale. He and I are both 22. In any case, I have always thought that where arranged marriages are still the cultural norm, the parties have known it would happen to them eventually very early on. If that's the case, I certainly agree he should have been honest from the get-go. Sorry for not having any advice to offer, but I do offer my condolences. He was honest that he knew he may be introduced to someone whom he could marry, but whenever I tried to break things off with him because of it, he said that we could find a way to be together. That's why it was shocking to me. He gave me the impression that if he did meet someone, he would decline, because he was more interested in trying to find ways for both of our families to accept our relationship. Instead, he chose to lead me on for as long as was convenient for him, and then take the easy way out. If you don't have any advice, ideas for sweet revenge are welcome too, lol.
reasontosigh Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 I wouldn't worry too much about taking revenge by your own (or any of our) devices. With any luck you may find out one day that his family "arranged" your revenge on him for you!
sarah12 Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 I have heard about this happening through friends and friends of friends. I'm assuming there are religious differences between the two of you. From what I've heard, the best way to 'deal with it' is to completely cut off contact. Never speak to the person again. The one situation I heard of recently, the guy actually attended the arranged marriage/wedding of his girlfriend and that was the last time he saw her.
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