Spark1111 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I believe this is the case in my own situation. I didn't know how strong I was so I do believe he was more than a little blown away when he was served with divorce papers and I decided I could do bad all by myself and I didn't need his "help" in accomplishing that:rolleyes:. It's called a blink: When faced with incredible adversity and pain, your gut makes a snap decision and it is the source of strength and decisive action. Good for you BNB! Good for you Bent! I was amazed when my xAP's wife spoke to me on the phone at just how strong she was, given that he'd portrayed himself as her 'rescuer' and 'protector'. How ironic. And, how stupid of me for not seeing through the smoke blowing out of his ass. Happy you see it now HH! To be fair to men... I think many (if not most) in America have been taught since birth that women are not as strong emotionally as are men. So it's not exactly surprising for them to believe that we "can't take" - whatever. Of course, they are wrong... We can take whatever we need to take - at least as well as most men - and often better. Silk, often attributed to Mother Theresa: "I know God will not give me any more than I can handle. I just wish he wouldn't give me so much!"
PhoenixRise Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Spark have you been reading Malcolm Gladwell by any chance? My husband also sang that tired old song about me not being able to make it without him. I am amazed that he so thoroughly forgot who the hell he married. I was a stay at home mom at the time (at his request) but I have worked and supported myself very well my whole adult life. Every woman in my family is or has been divorced. I have seen for myself that divorce is not the end of the world. I think it shocked him right down to his toenails when I packed up and moved away and successfully started a new life without him.
Spark1111 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Spark have you been reading Malcolm Gladwell by any chance? My husband also sang that tired old song about me not being able to make it without him. I am amazed that he so thoroughly forgot who the hell he married. I was a stay at home mom at the time (at his request) but I have worked and supported myself very well my whole adult life. Every woman in my family is or has been divorced. I have seen for myself that divorce is not the end of the world. I think it shocked him right down to his toenails when I packed up and moved away and successfully started a new life without him. I have said the same dang thing! He FORGOT who he married, portrayed me as some sort of helpless unloving leach, and they both took my kind but tentative support of a depressed, distant and angry man as ....unloving? Unkind? Stupid? Within in 72 hours I had unearthed every piece of evidence I would ever need against the two of them should I have filed for divorce, exacted revenge, or done anything other than say, "Go get her." He was vomiting outside his office. Fear? Caught? Shame? Remembering now who you married? Afraid his portrayal of me to her would be exposed for the lies it was? I was a former investigative journalist, and I LOVE IT when people underestimate me! You CAN ALWAYS use it to your advantage. And yes, I am a platinum blonde. Even better!
Got it Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I have a slightly different stance on this. MM's wife assumed that he had portrayed her negatively which he never really did. Sure he wasn't saying she was the second coming but he was complimentary of her in a lot of areas. I was the same about my ex husband. He is a great guy, just at that point we were friends and nothing more.
MizzBlue72 Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 The STBDMM that I am with is a good guy. He has talked about his wife, and she seems like a good person. No- he never told his W about me.
Author datura_noir Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 Ok, just lemme state-for the record- that I moved out of our house while he was in the process of "breaking things off" with his AP (a ten day excursion, with a two day stay at a luxury hotel using OUR monies). I had moved out, moved on, etc...because he said he thought we might have to separate to see "where things were going. Only, HE meant that I should stay put and wait until he decided. He was shocked when he came back to an empty house and a girlfriend who seemed to have moved on. Isn't that what he wanted?? I stayed gone for a month, only to have him want to "work on us". Lest anyone see me as a hopeless doormat....I was far from it. Back to the original thread-yes, somehow I feel like I have to restore my reputation, especially about me cheating. But, would it matter now? Probably not. I just hate the idea of someone else thinking ill of me. Makes me want to take out a flyer or something...
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