Author yume Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 I sent him a (long) message on facebook this morning dictating my feelings...I didn't gloss over anything to spare his feelings...he asked to speak with me in person, so we just did. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know about him - either he'll be worried and concerned for you, or he won't. I think he'll be very concerned, and is probably very worried about you right now. He didn't really explain much. He said he was sorry and that he knows he's lost the trust I had in him...and he has..and that he will do anything it takes to regain that trust. He kept saying he was sorry. I started to feel a bit ...because he kept apologizing...it just felt like bs to me. I don't know. I told him I need time. I'm not sure if this relationship is something I can continue. He says he knows that I know who he is, and that night it wasn't him. I just...can't get past the fact that...well, he's ten years older than I am...I don't understand how he could have let this happen...how he could have allowed me to do that to myself if he knew what it was like...I asked him if that was what being high was like and he said it was at first, and then it just got ****ed up.. So I think its pretty clear something was wrong with the weed. But I would gently suggest that you separate your reaction to the pot from your bf's actions. You have trusted him until now, presumably enough to have sex with him in the past and to decide to get high with him. He didn't push you once he understood through his own fog that you were upset. I know it was drugs, and I know it altered my reality, but it was still real. I don't know how to separate what happened that night from everything before. I'm not sure how I can trust him again. He said that he's stupidly in love with me and that he doesn't want to lose me again (we dated before and I ended things with him because I got back together with my ex). But...I'm not in love with him....nor am I close to loving him....we've barely been together a month...I'm just beginning to feel like I can't reciprocate the feelings he has for me and maybe that I never will be. I know that I can't expect myself to love someone just because they love me but what if I never feel that way back? I really don't know what to do.
norajane Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I told him I need time. I'm not sure if this relationship is something I can continue. He says he knows that I know who he is, and that night it wasn't him. I just...can't get past the fact that...well, he's ten years older than I am...I don't understand how he could have let this happen...how he could have allowed me to do that to myself if he knew what it was like...I asked him if that was what being high was like and he said it was at first, and then it just got ****ed up.. 1) That was not a regular high, so he had no idea that this would happen to you, or to him. He did not know this is what it be like for you. It's not usually like that, because pot alone does not have that effect. 2) It wasn't "you" that night, so surely you can understand that it wasn't "him" either. He said that he's stupidly in love with me and that he doesn't want to lose me again (we dated before and I ended things with him because I got back together with my ex). But...I'm not in love with him....nor am I close to loving him....we've barely been together a month...I'm just beginning to feel like I can't reciprocate the feelings he has for me and maybe that I never will be. I know that I can't expect myself to love someone just because they love me but what if I never feel that way back? I really don't know what to do. This is a whole separate issue and has nothing to do with the bad trip.
heartmonster Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Ive smoked pot many many times in my life and hated it every single time.! i kept giving it a "second chance" because many of my really close friends and bf do it... but i realized after sometime that it really isnt made for all although tons of other people swear by it. One time i litteraly had a crazy anxiety attack.., and the weed wasnt laced with anything because i rolled up the joint myself. so now you learned.. and you know not to deal with it again. As for your bf .. I really dont think he knew you were freaking out.., since you didnt tell him,. ,maybe he just wanted to do something new with you like experience intimacy while high,. just wait till u feel better and talk to him
whichwayisup Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Don't get high anymore. Tell your bf that you didn't enjoy it and you aren't into doing drugs. Ask him NOT to do drugs around you, he can do that with his friends..
allanworks Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Ive smoked pot many many times in my life and hated it every single time.! i kept giving it a "second chance" because many of my really close friends and bf do it... but i realized after sometime that it really isnt made for all although tons of other people swear by it. One time i litteraly had a crazy anxiety attack.., and the weed wasnt laced with anything because i rolled up the joint myself. so now you learned.. and you know not to deal with it again. As for your bf .. I really dont think he knew you were freaking out.., since you didnt tell him,. ,maybe he just wanted to do something new with you like experience intimacy while high,. just wait till u feel better and talk to him dude its not the paper thats laced its the weed its self .most the time you cant tell unless you taist it.
Author yume Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 This is a whole separate issue and has nothing to do with the bad trip. Maybe, but if it's coming up in his apology, it starts to become part of it. The bad trip is now contributing to my previous feelings about where I'm at in relation to where he is emotionally. My concern is having the trip forever associated to my feelings about him.
norajane Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Why did you get back together with him in the first place? You left him for your ex, now you're back together with this ex...seems like dating your exes is a pattern for you. What happened with the ex you left this guy for? Why did you get back with this guy? When was the last time you were on your own and didn't date anyone? Maybe you should give that a try and figure out what you want out of life and from yourself, and what kind of relationship you want to have in your life instead of bouncing from ex to ex.
Author yume Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 (edited) Why did you get back together with him in the first place? You left him for your ex, now you're back together with this ex...seems like dating your exes is a pattern for you. What happened with the ex you left this guy for? Why did you get back with this guy? 1st ex I was with for about 3 months the second time...eventually came to the realisation that we weren't good for each other. I thought that maybe if we tried again, it could work but...it didn't matter how much I liked him, it wouldn't change the fact that we were too different.. I wasn't planning on getting back together with #2 at all...it sort of just happened...I know I probably should have said at the beginning that I needed time to be alone, but I didn't... When was the last time you were on your own and didn't date anyone? Maybe you should give that a try and figure out what you want out of life and from yourself, and what kind of relationship you want to have in your life instead of bouncing from ex to ex.I've been thinking this for a while. I haven't had a real break from a relationship since I broke up with my first boyfriend last year (and that relationship was two years old). This past year I was single for a short period of time...then saw first guy over the summer, broke up, single but still talking with first, started seeing second, stopped seeing second, got back with first, together for 3 months, broke up, now back with second. It is not pretty and I'm not proud of my love life. Its been a really rocky year, to say the least. It's been hard today not talking to my boyfriend, because we text often...and now that I said I need time, we haven't communicated since this morning...it's hard...I thought I needed the space but I'm feeling a little bit sad right now. :/ So the idea of ending things with him to sort myself out is..upsetting...I don't want to be feeling hurt and upset again (even though I should be used to it by now..lol) Edited April 23, 2010 by yume
norajane Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 .I don't want to be feeling hurt and upset again (even though I should be used to it by now..lol) You do see that you are creating this for yourself, right? Are you afraid to be on your own without a man in your life? Maybe you never adequately processed the ending of that two year relationship. Sounds like you rebounded to ex #1 and then have been bouncing back and forth ever since.
elysium23 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I doubt the pot was laced with anything. It sounds like you just got paranoid. Most people get paranoid eventually from smoking pot. Some more than others. I can't smoke because I get ridiculously paranoid. Nearly every time I have smoked I have had a panic attack. Anyway, it doesn't sound like anything to be alarmed about to me, just simple paranoia.
Author yume Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 You do see that you are creating this for yourself, right? Are you afraid to be on your own without a man in your life? Yes, obviously, and no.
soulm8 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Hmmm... may I ask how old you are? I don't like how you're not taking any responsibility for your own actions and choices. He didn't force you to get high AND he respected your body. You just don't love him. Tell him the freaking truth and set him free.
Author yume Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 (edited) I'm not going to bother stating my age because that information is available to you if you wish to know it that badly. Frankly, age isn't an issue here because it doesn't necessarily denote maturity. That said, I never said everything was his fault. That is not even what this is about. It was my idea to get high. He did not force me to smoke and yes, he did not continue to try doing things with me after I reacted. I realize now that most of my blabber has been reactionary to the experience. He asked me to forgive him yesterday, and I know now that there is nothing to forgive because it was an accident. He didn't know it was going to happen, and neither did I. There's nothing I can do about it now. I will have to bring up the issue with him about not being on the same emotional level and see what has to say; I did bring it up yesterday but I don't think he fully understood what I was getting at. Apart from that, I have nothing else to add here. Thanks to everyone for taking time to reply. Edited April 23, 2010 by yume
Peaceful Guy Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 (edited) my first time ever. You're sure about it being laced? i thought that too.. weed was not like that for me AT ALL when i first tried it. however, different people react differently. i don't think its a good match for you. it sounds like you were both buggin.. it sounds like you both tried something before you were ready.. i would shake it off and stick to movies or bowling etc. and safe social groups for a few years before you try getting high or being in a potentially dangerous (or uncomfortable) situation again. there's no need to rush anything. Edited April 26, 2010 by Peaceful Guy better wording
D-Lish Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 OMG, I hate the effects of pot- I get totally freaked out the same way you did. The first time I got high was in grade 9. Did it on my lunch hour and then went into art class and threw up on the art table. Another time I had a panic attack, thought I was dying. There was sooo much pressure to get high in my friend group when I was young, and I suffered through trips because I was an idiot back then. It messes with my head in the worst of ways. I can totally relate to your experience.
Peaceful Guy Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 There was sooo much pressure to get high in my friend group when I was young, and I suffered through trips because I was an idiot back then... yah, i was guilty of wanting friends to get high w. me and my other buds.. i wasn't a jerk about it but it never occured to me that smoking pot could feel totally different for someone else.. if you love it then you're like.. cmon, this **** is great, but it feels totally different for you. we had one friend J that specifically told me on numerous occcasions,, i just don't like how it makes me feel,, i get anxious.. took me years to realize how honest and truthful she was being! like i said, i wasn't a dick about it so it wasn't like heavy or uncool pressure to do it,, more like,, are you sure????? :laugh:
Peaceful Guy Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 My concern is having the trip forever associated to my feelings about him. well, its not THAT big a deal. you're gonna have to let go of it.. just cause it was totally out of the norm.. whatever..
In_Repair Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I doubt the pot was laced with anything. It sounds like you just got paranoid. Most people get paranoid eventually from smoking pot. Some more than others. I can't smoke because I get ridiculously paranoid. Nearly every time I have smoked I have had a panic attack. Anyway, it doesn't sound like anything to be alarmed about to me, just simple paranoia. Bingo. I don't see how you can make a determination that the pot was laced just from the description of a one time user that freaked out. Beyond the basic classification of Indica, Sativa, or Hybrid... there are hundreds of various strains of marijuana, and considering the fact that the way they are grown and handled also has an effect on their various qualities... a "medicine" aftertaste, as described by a one time user, is hardly an indicator that it was cross contaminated during handling. Her feelings during the experience indicate an acute panic attack situation. Laced dope usually sells for more money, unless it's laced with something like embalming fluid... and even then...
Engadget Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Laced for sure. I got high once and literally got stuck and couldn't move or speak. Another time I got violently ill.
Peaceful Guy Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Laced for sure.. well, it surely COULD have been. but i have my doubts.. the truth is they were so inexperienced that it could have been and they wouldn't have known but also it could have just been pot and they freaked. people puke from just weed, and girls certainly get like that freeeeakkinnng out on pot for the first time.. really, like i said before, they were both in a situation they were'nt ready for and i think that's the issue here. how old do you think they are, 15? 16 max? 13 maybe? she was worried he tried to touch her boob while freaking out on pot.. cmon.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 i got high (marijuana) with my boyfriend for the first time last night and i'm pretty sure it was the scariest thing i've ever done. It was funny at first and then it just got...weird...and too much....it was worse than being extremely drunk. I had to just sit and stare, i couldn't do anything else, i couldn't lie down. I just wanted it to end...i kept asking how to make it stop..i won't attempt to describe the sensations i was feeling but i felt horrible emotionally...that i was bad and terrible and why did i do this to myself? I don't know how high my boyfriend was but...he was under the covers in bed and i was sat up, staring, and he eventually started trying to get me under the covers. I couldn't fight him, but i thought i should stay sitting up...and then we were under the covers, i was fully clothed, and i though what if he tries to do stuff with me while i'm like this? And he started taking the bobby pins out of my hair, and i knew that it'll probably happen....and then he started putting his hands underneath my shirt to get to my bra, and it was like i woke up. I said "what are you doing?" and he didn't answer me... I jerked my head up with this gasp...and then was pushing him away from me so fast i almost fell out of bed....i couldn't let him touch me....i had sat up and froze again and was holding a hand out to keep him away from me...and he was like "are you okay? It's me....whats wrong?" i basically didn't say a word to him the rest of the time while we were high. I sat like a statue. He ended up throwing up all over his bedroom floor.....then i threw up in the bathroom later on. My mind was just...........inexplainably messed, my heart was beating so fast and the stuff my body was feeling...i was freaked, to say the least. I think we smoked too much. I'm just....i don't know. When i was high i was thinking because of this we can't stay together...it's definitely changed something inside of me... What should i do? d.t.m.f.a. !!!!
tkgirl Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I used to get high a lot when I was younger and I learned there are certain times it's kind of fun... like when I'm doing something like snowboarding or surfing... but when I'm with people, especially people I'm unsure about, I tend to overthink things and can't relax. And I've learned that I can't get high with guys I'm dating and unsure about because I know it would cause me to think or feel things for him that weren't the real truth. Last guy I dated... and really liked... asked me to get high with him once and I was like "no thanks!" I knew it would be a huge mistake... just try to let it go and not let the experience change how you feel about him... but the pot? yep, it's not for you... no biggie.
sadintexas Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Part of me feels like he should have known not to touch me when I was in the state that I was in...wasn't my behaviour (sitting, staring, not moving) a clue as to how I was feeling? I know that he was high too but still....he's done it a lot more than I have... As you said, he was high too. He knows how it makes HIM feel. It would be natural for him to think that it affects you the same way. Perhaps it makes him amorous. In any event, the most important point about it is that he STOPPED when you told him to. He can't read your mind, and being that he was also under the influence, again the important thing is he stopped and cared about how you were feeling. You had a bad experience with the drug...whether or not it was laced is really irrelevant. This wasn't his fault and I don't see where he did anything wrong. You need to try not to associate HIM with this bad experience and separate it. Otherwise, you're going to throw away what I'm assuming was a good relationship. Having smoked pot plenty when I was younger, I can tell you that even when it has a pleasant effect, it can alter perception, physical sensation, etc drastically. Try to chalk this up to what it is...a bad drug experience.
sadintexas Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I just...can't get past the fact that...well, he's ten years older than I am...I don't understand how he could have let this happen...how he could have allowed me to do that to myself if he knew what it was like...I asked him if that was what being high was like and he said it was at first, and then it just got ****ed up.. So I think its pretty clear something was wrong with the weed. Unless you're 16, him being older than you has nothing to do with this. Frankly, I have to say you need to take responsibility for your own actions. How could he "let" you do that? Come on now, that's ridiculous. Furthermore, you say how could he...and then acknowledge something was probably wrong with the pot. How is that his fault and how could he have forseen that? Regardless, you made the choice to smoke with him. That's not his fault, nor is it his responsibility to ensure that YOU do the right thing. There are risks involved with doing drugs...have you not heard?
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