Marek Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 How do you go building relationships with people when their positive views on you are being sabotaged by others' oral poison? What's happened is that on campus there is this girl who I've been getting acquainted with. However, one of her friends dislikes me with a passion; she has been talking negatively about me behind my back. And I know people will shoot off generic advice along the lines of this: "If a girl genuinely likes you, what her friends think won't matter." That would be ideal, but that what's ideal usually isn't reality. Young womens' impressions of someone are greatly influenced by their peers' opinions (sadly independant thought and feeling is a foreign concept to most). So, how can I rectify the situation? Should I actually speak to the nasty so-and-so, tell her to keep her opinions to herself? Or should I do nothing?
123BeachFan Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 First thing's first... What is the friend saying about you (do you know), and is there any inkling of truth behind what she's beeing saying?
Author Marek Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 No, there is no truth to what this person is saying. What she's saying regards an embarrassing "incident" some people believe I was involved in. But it's completely unfounded, as I was not directly involved; I was merely a bystander.
123BeachFan Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Okay. Well, with the girl you like, tell her that you realize that she may think you were involved with (this incident). Explain your situation, that you were a bystander. Then see what she says about it. If she believes you, she'll discount what her friend has been saying about you. Take the higher ground here (compared to her gossipy friend). Speak and act like a gentleman, and this girl you like should see that you are a decent, solid sort of guy. Actions speak louder than gossip, and if you genuinely behave like a good guy, you'll be seen like a good guy. If you know this gossipy friend well enough, you can (calmly) sit down and discuss it with her. Don't accuse her or get nasty (it will only put her on the defensive and make it worse). Instead, you can approach it like "I realize you care about (girl) and I know you're trying to protect her. But I'd like to talk to you about what you think my involvement was over (incident) and clear the air over all of that."
LittleMissWonder Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I heard horrible rumors about my boyfriend when we were first getting together. It did almost sway me away from giving it a chance. But I talked to him about it and when he told me that it was utter B.S., I took a risk and believed him. Be real. be honest. The rest will fall in place from there.
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