iTrap Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 First of all Hi, im new to this forum, well newly registered, cause i've bumped into it alot from google searches. Anyways, it seems like a nice place and i would like to share a problem of mine i am recently troubled about. I am having jealousy problems for the last year. Well it got worst the last year, i was always jealous but not this bad, i think. I read about a syndrome called Morbid Jealousy a.k.a. Othello syndrome. Once i found out something like this existed i was reliefed and now i'm trying to learn more about it but i still dont know when normal jealousy stops and the syndrome begins.. That been said a question always comes to me: is it a syndrome at all or is it just an easy way to blame something else rather then ourselves? Some people doubt it, im guessing cause maybe they just cant imagine what jealousy can do to your mind. I ,on the other hand, really need to believe in it or else i am really a horrible person. Jelousy is a normal feeling, i actually believe if it does not exist, there is no love. But what happens when you go too far with it? What is wrong with me that i doubt everything? This is what my jealousy looks like, and trust me, it sucks: The best way of describing it is with examples so here we go.. his phone will ring and all of a sudden an alarm goes off, my knees weaken and my stomach aches. "who is he talking to?" "why is he looking weird?"he will be talking to a friend and some phrases will come to my ears like : "dude its been so many years and you are still acting like that?" and my mind goes to an explination like this: "omg, he is cheating that's why his friend is telling him this" ect ect. although they could be talking about ANYTHING else..if i find out accidently by a common friend that he went out one night and he hasnt told me about it, i get all messed up. "why is he hiding it?" "i bet he was flirting with girls again" (yes he is a flirting type) "I bet he was with another girl too, thats why he didnt tell me"... and i continue thinking about these things over and over again till my head hurts.if i ask him "hey where'd ya find that music track?" and his answer delays a few seconds, he starts thinking and say "i just found it" i go even more nuts and start thinking a girl gave it to him (always specific girls every time, although i do have the feeling that every girl he talks to is sleeping with him) All of these thoughts come whenever they want to. All of his above actions sometimes go by me as a normal person. I dont know what triggers my behaviour yet. At first i called it "gut feeling". Familiar huh? of course! people should always follow their gut feeling.. so i did.. i thought i "knew what he was up to" (creepy i know) "im gonna figure him out" as if i WANTED him to hurt me and when i found out i would be very happy. ----------------------------------------------- Thing is we love each other very much. We have talked about this, he has admitted he did some stupid things to hurt me , like flirting with other girls in front of me ect, that drove me mad and when i say mad... i mean "bull in a glass shop mad" Those were my drinking days. Yes i think i was almost (was i?) an alcoholic. Sober for 4 months now. I told him i have done some really stupid things like yelling at him ect ect anyways i went to a doctor and he told me i was suffering from a mild to major depression. I am on medication and since then +the no drinking part, my mind is so clear. BUT the jealousy issues are still here only without all the drama. --------------------------------------------------------- I never mentioned to my doctor the jealousy issues i had and am having. I made an appointment for later this week once i found out about morbid syndrome ect ect it is ruining my everyday life! my head is geting hazy again, i cant think straight, and worst thing is i can not control the thoughts. So bottom line question.. does the syndrome exist? if it does not exist then all of this behaviour is normal?? Has any of you expirienced something so tensed and hurting? Thanks for reading this even if ya didnt make it till the end cant blame ya
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