sunshine2008 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I recently started dating a guy back in February... it was casual up until end of March when he asked me to be in a relationship with him. He is a wonderful guy... treats me like a princess, all i could possibly ask for if i was to write a list stating what i was looking for in a man. But something just hasn't clicked!!! We still havent slept together yet... which i think is a good thing, shows that he respects me. But i am not sure if i could immagine it either. My last relationship was very dominated by my ex partner... where as this time i feel i have all control. I feel that everything is in my power this time round and as i still have feelings for my ex i think i am walking all over him. I feel like it is more of a chore to go out with him sometimes, as he is very needy and would like to spend every second with me. I am not used to this and i like my own space. When i have talked to my friends they say that i am only attracted to the bad ones. This maybe true... but i know that this man could be a great potenial partner for my future. I am very confused, should i end it? Or continue to see if the 'click' develops?? xx
xRJ85x Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I recently started dating a guy back in February... it was casual up until end of March when he asked me to be in a relationship with him. He is a wonderful guy... treats me like a princess, all i could possibly ask for if i was to write a list stating what i was looking for in a man. But something just hasn't clicked!!! We still havent slept together yet... which i think is a good thing, shows that he respects me. But i am not sure if i could immagine it either. My last relationship was very dominated by my ex partner... where as this time i feel i have all control. I feel that everything is in my power this time round and as i still have feelings for my ex i think i am walking all over him. I feel like it is more of a chore to go out with him sometimes, as he is very needy and would like to spend every second with me. I am not used to this and i like my own space. When i have talked to my friends they say that i am only attracted to the bad ones. This maybe true... but i know that this man could be a great potenial partner for my future. I am very confused, should i end it? Or continue to see if the 'click' develops?? xx Talk to him about it, he'll understand and if he really likes you, he'll change. If you like your space, tell him just that! You like spending time with him but need your space. But don't flake out and send him mixed signals or just break up with him. One thing that all good guys have grown to hate more than anything are when girls end it with them because they overreact at the guy being too nice. The same girls that always whine about not being able to find good guys, then when one comes along they aren't as attracted to him because they try to treat them nicely, they take it for granted and the guy ends up getting really hurt.
bayouboi Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Same old song and dance. There is definitely a line that someone can cross to where they're so overboard and self-sacrificingly nice that it becomes creepy, but if this guy is just generally into you and "checks off" your list of everything you think you want, then I don't see what the problem is. You're most likely just not sexually attracted to him. Either way, you should probably let him go because even though he's probably a catch, he's apparently not a match.
123BeachFan Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I recently started dating a guy back in February... it was casual up until end of March when he asked me to be in a relationship with him. He is a wonderful guy... treats me like a princess, all i could possibly ask for if i was to write a list stating what i was looking for in a man. But something just hasn't clicked!!! We still havent slept together yet... which i think is a good thing, shows that he respects me. But i am not sure if i could immagine it either. My last relationship was very dominated by my ex partner... where as this time i feel i have all control. I feel that everything is in my power this time round and as i still have feelings for my ex i think i am walking all over him. I feel like it is more of a chore to go out with him sometimes, as he is very needy and would like to spend every second with me. I am not used to this and i like my own space. If the chemistry isn't there for you, it just isn't there. Sounds like you've given it enough time to crop up and it's just not happening. Best to let this one go. A couple of points of concern: -You mention that you still have feelings for your ex. Until you address this and heal from your last relationship, you won't be ready for your next one. -You mention that you feel you are walking all over this new guy. What behaviors are you seeing in yourself that makes you feel like you're taking advantage (or mistreating) the new guy? -The new guy is needy. Sounds like you overcompensated since your ex was controlling and overly dominating.
xRJ85x Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 If the chemistry isn't there for you, it just isn't there. Sounds like you've given it enough time to crop up and it's just not happening. Best to let this one go. A couple of points of concern: -You mention that you still have feelings for your ex. Until you address this and heal from your last relationship, you won't be ready for your next one. -You mention that you feel you are walking all over this new guy. What behaviors are you seeing in yourself that makes you feel like you're taking advantage (or mistreating) the new guy? -The new guy is needy. Sounds like you overcompensated since your ex was controlling and overly dominating. I'm gonna take beachfan's solid points, and say REALLY think about this new guy when considering them. As he said, you're still setting your ex as a standard (and in fact wanting a guy that 1ups him because you want better). So don't assume something isn't there just because you're not feeling it, because it may be something you regret in the future.
LittleMissWonder Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 If you have to question it, the attraction may just not be strong enough. Be honest with him about how you feel. It is only fair for him to know.
EasyHeart Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 You can't teach someone to be assertive. This is a common story -- wimpy, needy men are not the strong, confident men that women want. Let him go and find a needy, desperate woman who will think he's dreamy. You need to find a real man that makes you weak in the knees.
Sivok Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Yeah, unfortunately guys like him believe what they're doing is everything a woman truly desires - treating them like royalty and be extremely nice. That may be true, no one - guy or girl - likes being trampled on and crushed by the 'jerk'. The problem is, what sounds logical and what triggers attraction is something that just cant be helped. In this case, you appreciate what he does, but it's not attractive
Lizzie60 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I recently started dating a guy back in February... it was casual up until end of March when he asked me to be in a relationship with him. He is a wonderful guy... treats me like a princess, all i could possibly ask for if i was to write a list stating what i was looking for in a man. But something just hasn't clicked!!! We still havent slept together yet... which i think is a good thing, shows that he respects me. But i am not sure if i could immagine it either. My last relationship was very dominated by my ex partner... where as this time i feel i have all control. I feel that everything is in my power this time round and as i still have feelings for my ex i think i am walking all over him. I feel like it is more of a chore to go out with him sometimes, as he is very needy and would like to spend every second with me. I am not used to this and i like my own space. When i have talked to my friends they say that i am only attracted to the bad ones. This maybe true... but i know that this man could be a great potenial partner for my future. I am very confused, should i end it? Or continue to see if the 'click' develops?? xx If you feel it's a chore to go out with him... please let him go.... you are only stringing him and it won't work... trust me it won't. you have already lost respect for him.. you don't see him as your 'equal'... not good.
Chicago_Guy Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I recently started dating a guy back in February... it was casual up until end of March when he asked me to be in a relationship with him. He is a wonderful guy... treats me like a princess, all i could possibly ask for if i was to write a list stating what i was looking for in a man. But something just hasn't clicked!!! We still havent slept together yet... which i think is a good thing, shows that he respects me. But i am not sure if i could immagine it either. My last relationship was very dominated by my ex partner... where as this time i feel i have all control. I feel that everything is in my power this time round and as i still have feelings for my ex i think i am walking all over him. I feel like it is more of a chore to go out with him sometimes, as he is very needy and would like to spend every second with me. I am not used to this and i like my own space. When i have talked to my friends they say that i am only attracted to the bad ones. This maybe true... but i know that this man could be a great potenial partner for my future. I am very confused, should i end it? Or continue to see if the 'click' develops?? xx Does this guy kiss your ass? I assume that you must think that he is needy for reasons other than simply because he wants to spend a lot of time with you.
mem11363 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 This is sad and unnecessary. There is nothing "good" about being bad. It just so happens that "bad boys" are also typically independent and have a high risk tolerance which makes them a lot of fun. Your current guy does not grasp the notion that it is attractive to be: - independent - assertive - NON CLINGY - which means he should let YOU come to him some amount of time if he is always pushing for time/attention disaster waiting to happen Guys who do this in long term relationships including marriages often end up sexless - lets face it this is pattern of behavior is a huge turnoff. Conflict - the right type of conflict - is sexy. You should try to explain this to your current guy. Maybe he will be smart enough to get it. If not, lose him. I recently started dating a guy back in February... it was casual up until end of March when he asked me to be in a relationship with him. He is a wonderful guy... treats me like a princess, all i could possibly ask for if i was to write a list stating what i was looking for in a man. But something just hasn't clicked!!! We still havent slept together yet... which i think is a good thing, shows that he respects me. But i am not sure if i could immagine it either. My last relationship was very dominated by my ex partner... where as this time i feel i have all control. I feel that everything is in my power this time round and as i still have feelings for my ex i think i am walking all over him. I feel like it is more of a chore to go out with him sometimes, as he is very needy and would like to spend every second with me. I am not used to this and i like my own space. When i have talked to my friends they say that i am only attracted to the bad ones. This maybe true... but i know that this man could be a great potenial partner for my future. I am very confused, should i end it? Or continue to see if the 'click' develops?? xx
mem11363 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 HE doesn't see himself as your equal. If you feel it's a chore to go out with him... please let him go.... you are only stringing him and it won't work... trust me it won't. you have already lost respect for him.. you don't see him as your 'equal'... not good.
Chicago_Guy Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Not true. Men can learn to be assertive. Sometimes all it takes is a gentle push, which other times it takes much more. Different women want different kinds of men anyway. I agree. This guy might not may much experience dating and therefore doesn't know how he is supposed to behave.
Sweetie1977 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 (edited) I wouldnt deal with it,i need a MAN not a wimp A man leads takes charge in a relationship makes all the decisons and takes responsiblity for them Edited April 21, 2010 by Sweetie1977
EthanH Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I recently started dating a guy back in February... it was casual up until end of March when he asked me to be in a relationship with him. He is a wonderful guy... treats me like a princess, all i could possibly ask for if i was to write a list stating what i was looking for in a man. But something just hasn't clicked!!! We still havent slept together yet... which i think is a good thing, shows that he respects me. But i am not sure if i could immagine it either. My last relationship was very dominated by my ex partner... where as this time i feel i have all control. I feel that everything is in my power this time round and as i still have feelings for my ex i think i am walking all over him. I feel like it is more of a chore to go out with him sometimes, as he is very needy and would like to spend every second with me. I am not used to this and i like my own space. When i have talked to my friends they say that i am only attracted to the bad ones. This maybe true... but i know that this man could be a great potenial partner for my future. I am very confused, should i end it? Or continue to see if the 'click' develops?? xx I think the chemistry is only not there because he is so needy. He just needs to realise this. Sounds like he doesn't realise this. I wish in my last two relationships, I almost feel like I should have got a tattoo on the inside of my eyelids saying 'don't be needy'... I know it sounds easy not to be, but sometimes it is very difficult to stop yourself... I don't mean big time neediness, I mean sometimes getting caught up in things. However, the fact you see it as a chore... I think you need to leave this guy, because if you have been dating and it already seems like a chore... I mean... it should be amazing atm, you should be wanting to spend every minute with him, he should be on your mind all the time and you shouldn't have doubts yet! The fact you ask if he could be too nice shows that you already think he is. Fair enough he respects you, but why are you dating a guy you cannot wait to sleep with? There are too many things which scream to me that you just aren't that into him. You don't need to be a nasty guy to have a bit of chemistry about you and self respect...i mean, if he is needy after 2 months, how much worse is it going to get?
sagetalk Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 This a key a point to forming relationships with women. Too many guys on here focus on looks, size, money, but really the vast majority of women are after the way a man acts and behaves. This is the whole reason why players are successful and inexperienced guys end up alone. Players know how to act, inexperienced guys do not. It seems that many women's attractions to men are based almost exclusively on behavior. I have seen many posts on here where the guy was everything the girl wanted except how he treated her. Ironically, his treatment is usually too nice/kind/sweet/clinging. Ignoring her and using her for sex will usually have her in an obsessive passion and yearning for you. I don't think I will ever understand dating . Thank goodness women are so attractive I want to keep at it anyway .
EYECANDY000 Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I think its moreso like the forbidden apple. I bet that if he was to dominate the relationship, talk to you here and there, and have you chase him you would be a lot more attracted to him. thats just my opinion
PJKino Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I wouldnt deal with it,i need a MAN not a wimp A man leads takes charge in a relationship makes all the decisons and takes responsiblity for them Why should a man make every decision in a relationship? I want to be your partner not your father..Im not here to hold you by the hand and tell you what to do and were to go.. Why do some women want to be told what to do and expect theer Man to always make the decisons? Is it a submissive want to be dominated thing? Do you feel women arent smart enough to make any decisons in a relationship? Or is it just laizness and dont want to accept responsiblity when having to make a decisions?
Recommended Posts