LostMe Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 So, i was doing very well, I heard from xMM a couple of days ago but didnt respond. No point. He's so distant now. He tells me nothing about his life at all anymore so there's not really anything to talk about unless i make an effort. I saw a friend for drinks last night, someone we both used to work with, she asked me if i'd spoken to him lately and I said not much (no one knows about me and him other than that we were close friends). She then tells me a load of stuff about him and his life and what he's up to. It's just friendly and she was contacting him, it's not that I think there's anything going on. It just makes me so angry and upset that he's closed himself off from me so much saying he's busy and doesn't talk to anyone and then i hear this. I'm jealous. I miss him and it stings to hear about him from someone else. I thought his barriers might be up with me as a self-preservation measure partly. Now i feel like he just lost interest, got bored of talking to me and it's as simple as that. I want to give him a piece of my mind for cutting me out of his life without so much as an explanation but i won't. I will keep NC. I just feel such a fool for thinking I might have meant something to someone i spoke to almost every day for a year. I'm probably overreacting. I don't know anymore. I'm just being selfish and cross.
jthorne Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 When I first started coming here, one poster said, "There's nothing that says F*ck You like NC." It's true.
ladydesigner Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 When I first started coming here, one poster said, "There's nothing that says F*ck You like NC." It's true. ABSOF**KINGLUTELY I love NC for that reason alone.
Just a stone's throw Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Lost, I am so sorry you had to hear that. I have to ask the obvious question though. And I apologize in advance. Does your friend know this stuff because your exMM is confiding in her now? Do you think she is just "feeling you out" to see if you know more about him for her own benefit? I can imagine that having someone else discuss things about him that you would have previously already known because of your R with him is very painful. Perhaps you not only need NC from exMM but NC from the friend? If you don't want to hear about these things, it may need to be a consideration. I definitely feel for you! HUGS!!
Author LostMe Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 Lost' date=' I am so sorry you had to hear that. I have to ask the obvious question though. And I apologize in advance. Does your friend know this stuff because your exMM is confiding in her now? Do you think she is just "feeling you out" to see if you know more about him for her own benefit? I can imagine that having someone else discuss things about him that you would have previously already known because of your R with him is very painful. Perhaps you not only need NC from exMM but NC from the friend? If you don't want to hear about these things, it may need to be a consideration. I definitely feel for you! HUGS!![/quote'] Hey JAST. Nah, it's not like that. We have a group of mutual ex-work friends, the others talk to him too. It was superficial stuff really but I used to be the one that everyone asked about him so i wasn't really prepared to hear about his life from someone else. He's been giving me the impression that's he's distant with me because he's busy. It's obviously more personal than that. It'll happen again I'm sure. I just need to accept that's the way it's going to/needs to be. Kills though. Ruddy ego. I've filled a whole Word doc with a rant at him! There's smoke coming off my keyboard! Sigh.
Brightmoon Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 So, i was doing very well, I heard from xMM a couple of days ago but didnt respond. No point. He's so distant now. He tells me nothing about his life at all anymore so there's not really anything to talk about unless i make an effort. I saw a friend for drinks last night, someone we both used to work with, she asked me if i'd spoken to him lately and I said not much (no one knows about me and him other than that we were close friends). She then tells me a load of stuff about him and his life and what he's up to. It's just friendly and she was contacting him, it's not that I think there's anything going on. It just makes me so angry and upset that he's closed himself off from me so much saying he's busy and doesn't talk to anyone and then i hear this. I'm jealous. I miss him and it stings to hear about him from someone else. I thought his barriers might be up with me as a self-preservation measure partly. Now i feel like he just lost interest, got bored of talking to me and it's as simple as that. I want to give him a piece of my mind for cutting me out of his life without so much as an explanation but i won't. I will keep NC. I just feel such a fool for thinking I might have meant something to someone i spoke to almost every day for a year. I'm probably overreacting. I don't know anymore. I'm just being selfish and cross. It's perfectly understandable how you feel LostMe. You spoke everyday for a year. It can't be easy to write that off. I would be jealous too, under those circumstances. It's not overeating. Totally understandable. I hope you are able to move on quickly. He is a pillock. You are doing really well. All the best ((hug)).
Just a stone's throw Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 It'll happen again I'm sure. I just need to accept that's the way it's going to/needs to be. Kills though. Ruddy ego. I've filled a whole Word doc with a rant at him! There's smoke coming off my keyboard! Sigh. Hey Lost, Hope today is a better day! So what did you do with your "manifesto"? Was it just for your journal or were you intending to send it to MM? Hopefully it was a cathartic activity and it helped even if you did blow out your keyboard in the process? Just thought I'd check in and say hope today is sunny where you are! JAST
Author LostMe Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 Hi JAST, thanks for thinking of me! Feeling calmer today thank you! My novel was just to have a rant at him, every other word is an expletive so he'd have a hard job understanding what it says! I'm still angry at him for saying he's too 'busy' to tell me what he's been up to but mostly I'm angry at myself for believing it. I know it's unrealistic to think we'd be friends but it's not like we fell out. I do feel like having a go at him for not just being honest with me, I always have with him. I feel like such a fool. NC is best though right? I'm afraid if I cause a drama he'll tell me he just doesn't want to discuss his life with me anymore instead of what I want to hear which is that he finds it hard cos he misses me too. How are you feeling today? You sound so much happier, you've come such a long way these last few weeks! Hope you're enjoying the sunshine too
Hazyhead Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I'm sorry Lost, it must suck to hear about him from someone else... wouldn't you be able to change the subject or, maybe, tell your mutual friend that he's not your favourite person and you don't wish to discuss him at all. Hell, if she then goes back and tells him that, then all the better. I love that quote that JThorne used; it's my one bit of power that I walk away from my xAP with - I have not, and will not, ever dignify him with a response to his cowardly, selfish gibber. I wish him well... just don't ever want to hear about it! Stay strong; you're doing well.
secretlady76 Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Probably best if the subject of him isn't brought up at all between you and friends. It only adds fuel to the fire. I am sorry you never got an explanation as it does help. However, even if you got an explanation would you believe it or would you then over-analyse the explanation, you know, "Did he mean it like this or like that?" blah blah blah.....it only continues the questions. I think you're best to stick with NC and avoid talking about him or hearing about him. Hopefully he will vanish eventually. Good luck.
Just a stone's throw Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Yep Lost, I do feel better, stronger and indifferent toward him. Like I could run into him and go "eh". I don't know why that email exchange with him this past week made the difference for me. I think it was realization that he wants me to think I was just a piece of a$$ to him. If he had said I was a good friend and a great piece of a$$ I might have felt different but nope. Just a piece of a$$. Well, I'm not anyone's piece of a$$ except my H's. So there, I have gotten my head around it and am refocused. You do have to look at it with your exMM that he just can't handle telling you about his issues any longer because it hurts him too much. I do believe deep down he cares about you and misses you but is making that conscious effort to draw the line in the sand. He has to for you and himself. Continue to be strong, Lost!! NC is worth it. I don't feel any need at this point to contact exMM. I was trying to find reasons before and now I just don't. I think this time, he'll notice but I really don't care. Indifference is a blessing!
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