Getting over MM

[alg24]

Hello everyone =)

 

Been asked a million times... What helped you get over MM and the "relationship"?

 

I've been in NC for about 3-4 days now with MM. Its so beyond difficult. (Been here many times as I am sure you can tell from my previous posts) But I was thinking what helps with NC... I keep trying to remind myself what a horrible person MM is. Remind myself what he has said to me... How bad he has hurt me... But it does not stop me from dreaming and waking up in tears. Perhaps since he was my first love it makes it harder. Then being in this small town (cannot wait till he goes away) Why can't I wake up? Get over myself? So everyone, what helped you with NC? What helped you open your eyes? Or just it truly just take time...

 

=)

[whichwayisup]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/

 

This thread has helped thousands of LS'ers over the years..Posted by a cool fella by the name of No Foolin'. Once in a while he pops in to say hello...

His thread lives on and I really hope you take the time to read it all - It's long but so helpful.

 

A, you can do this. It'll hurt and you'll probably have alot of bad days, crying and feeling like crap..BUT, as time goes on (cliche, I know, but time DOES heal all wounds) this will get easier.

 

Focus on the good stuff in your life. Your horse, your friends, family, your health, all your accomplishments. Work on building your self esteem back up. Any type of break up messes with one's head, probably even more so when involved with a MM. BE GOOD TO YOURSELF and don't spend another minute blaming yourself, or making you feel bad (wish I had done this/that etc, i'm stupid blah blah blah - NO more putting yourself down, k..It serves no purpose to do that.)..

 

Once he goes away it'll be even easier. Out of sight eventually will get you to out of mind and NC will be a breeze.

 

Plus, you have LS to help you as well.

 

Hope this helps.

[jthorne]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/

 

This thread has helped thousands of LS'ers over the years..Posted by a cool fella by the name of No Foolin'. Once in a while he pops in to say hello...

His thread lives on and I really hope you take the time to read it all - It's long but so helpful.

 

A, you can do this. It'll hurt and you'll probably have alot of bad days, crying and feeling like crap..BUT, as time goes on (cliche, I know, but time DOES heal all wounds) this will get easier.

 

Focus on the good stuff in your life. Your horse, your friends, family, your health, all your accomplishments. Work on building your self esteem back up. Any type of break up messes with one's head, probably even more so when involved with a MM. BE GOOD TO YOURSELF and don't spend another minute blaming yourself, or making you feel bad (wish I had done this/that etc, i'm stupid blah blah blah - NO more putting yourself down, k..It serves no purpose to do that.)..

 

Once he goes away it'll be even easier. Out of sight eventually will get you to out of mind and NC will be a breeze.

 

Plus, you have LS to help you as well.

 

Hope this helps.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. I'm also going to add your link to the Newcomers Sticky

 

Alg, I can't say more here than what's already been said, but please, please, please get some kind of help when you get home- or continue to phone consultations you've been having.

 

You have GOT to learn to love yourself more.

You have GOT to learn that his behavior was unacceptable.

And you have GOT to learn not to accept it out of the next guy.

Because there WILL be a next guy, trust me. I just hope some IC will help you choose better, because by then, you'll know you deserve better.

[whichwayisup]

I actually have confidence in Alg that she won't let herself spirral down like this ever again.

 

For some reason it seems many women (and men) put up with so much crap in affairs, continually get hurt and keep going back. And those same people would NOT put up with such treatment in a regular relationship.

[joey66]

Hello everyone =)

 

Been asked a million times... What helped you get over MM and the "relationship"?

 

Why can't I wake up? Get over myself? So everyone, what helped you with NC? What helped you open your eyes? Or just it truly just take time...

 

I don't have any answers. Just wanted to say you are not alone. ((alg24))

 

I understand how badly it hurts. I keep hearing and reading that I'll get over it in time. I hope soon.

[Lizzie60]

It will take time... only time heals a brokenheart...

 

stay strong..

[secretlady76]

I know your pain. Wished MM was horrible and then maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but he's anything but......I need to get a grip as I am a MW but this is terrible. Trying NC and I've already failed after about a day. RUBBISH.

[confusedinkansas]

[COLOR=#660000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/[/COLOR]

 

 

It takes time. 2 or 3 days is nothing. Sometimes it takes months & years to stop feeling that pain & move past what's happened.

I wish I had this post to read 2++ years ago. It's very insightful, enlightening & it hits the nail right on the head.

 

Good luck to you. It really does get easier. Stay Strong.

[alg24]

I actually have confidence in Alg that she won't let herself spirral down like this ever again.

 

For some reason it seems many women (and men) put up with so much crap in affairs, continually get hurt and keep going back. And those same people would NOT put up with such treatment in a regular relationship.

 

I agree. I must admit, I am VERY weak right now. Its a good thing he is leaving soon... He ended the affair, but I am ending it as well. He knows how to work me enough to get me to come back to him. I think its done for MM which will help me in the beginning. I would not go looking for this is another relationship. Actually, I want to be single for awhile and work on myself. But this situation with MM was a never ending cycle. For some screwed up reason I kept allowing myself to go back.

What makes my head spin was the textor issue (read previous threads). How he was with me last week laughing and giggling and then telling me/blaming me for being the textor. Then telling me he wants nothing to do with me. Just ending it that way.. BUT it does not matter. Its done. I am struggling but its done!

 

Thanks everyone.

 

I just have these awful moments making NC so tough.

 

And this textor still texts me awful messages.

[alg24]

That link is VERY helpful. Will read more later as well...

 

So true. NEED TO KEEP AWAY. NOT SEE THEM. NOT HEAR THEIR VOICE

 

Living in a small town with exMM hurts so bad.

 

And I keep remembering "the good." I think about how a week ago I made him french toast, and we were laughing together. Now he just threw me out... Its so easy for him... So easy to officially end it.

[jthorne]

I agree. I must admit, I am VERY weak right now. Its a good thing he is leaving soon... He ended the affair, but I am ending it as well. He knows how to work me enough to get me to come back to him. I think its done for MM which will help me in the beginning. I would not go looking for this is another relationship. Actually, I want to be single for awhile and work on myself. But this situation with MM was a never ending cycle. For some screwed up reason I kept allowing myself to go back.

What makes my head spin was the textor issue (read previous threads). How he was with me last week laughing and giggling and then telling me/blaming me for being the textor. Then telling me he wants nothing to do with me. Just ending it that way.. BUT it does not matter. Its done. I am struggling but its done!

 

Thanks everyone.

 

I just have these awful moments making NC so tough.

 

And this textor still texts me awful messages.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. If you loved yourself more, you wouldn't give a flying phuk whether he was done, if YOU were done. You would not allow what someone else thinks to define you.

 

You also would have bowed out of the texting drama real quick. All you had to do was stop responding to them and stop feeling the need to defend yourself. But you didn't trust yourself enough to know that YOU were in the right, and it didn't matter what their little game was- it didn't matter what they thought of you.

 

I hope these things will change with time.

[alg24]

Hey =)

 

I have not replied to textor. Sends text here and there and I've been ignoring for the past couple days.

 

MM and I have not spoken in 3 days?

 

The W did text me today- out of respect I texted her back. She mentioned MM's clothes. Requested I drop them off at HER HOUSE! I told her I wouldn't do that. Noted that the clothes are in the back of my extra car (Which I will not have back until Saturday) I also mentioned how MM could have gotten clothes/other clothes left at my house the past four days but never did. (He could have easily gone into the apartment parking lot gathered the clothes out of the back of the car without conflict or seeing me. I noted I would not know when he would be coming nor do I want to see him)

 

So yea... But if they text me about clothes again I will tell them (when the car comes back) they can retrieve them OR if she would like to meet up I can hand them to her. I refuse to step onto their property (especially if she is not home) and drop them off. Just seems like a bad idea. I do not want to go to the barn because to many people. I have ZERO desire to be holding onto these clothes. This is NOT a ploy. The clothes were sitting in the UNLOCK car in my public apartment parking lot--- actually parked a building down from my unit (which is on the second floor) I mentioned and a friend mentioned to MM the whereabouts of his items. When I spoke to him three days ago he blamed me for having his wallet, and told me he does not care about his clothes. (But bitching to the W yesterday about not having them) So that is that. I am not obsessing or even caring about. Its not my way of holding onto him or keeping the door open. He could have easily retrieved them (I live six minutes away?)

 

Ughh!

[alg24]

I am just trying to stay VERY busy and avoid running into him. When I need to go to the barn I go the long way, try not to go when I know he could be at his farm or driving down the small dirt road. I just don't want to see his face. Or hear his voice.

[2sunny]

why are you still haggling over his damn clothes? place them on the street corner and tell him he can pick them up.

 

SO MUCH back and forth over HIS clothes... IF HE really wanted them he would have gotten them.

 

i say just throw them out - or leave them on the curb somewhere.

 

end of clothes. i think you like holding the clothes hostage... to keep the attachment going to MM. otherwise you would have just dumped them somewhere - anywhere - and told him to get them immediately.

 

get it over with. less attachment to MM - less you think about him. to keep this alive is to keep the affair active with constant thoughts about his stupid clothes.

 

be honest... are you REALLY trying to get rid of the clothes - or are you using it as a weapon against him and his wife... seems like it.

[alg24]

why are you still haggling over his damn clothes? place them on the street corner and tell him he can pick them up.

 

SO MUCH back and forth over HIS clothes... IF HE really wanted them he would have gotten them.

 

i say just throw them out - or leave them on the curb somewhere.

 

end of clothes. i think you like holding the clothes hostage... to keep the attachment going to MM. otherwise you would have just dumped them somewhere - anywhere - and told him to get them immediately.

 

get it over with. less attachment to MM - less you think about him. to keep this alive is to keep the affair active with constant thoughts about his stupid clothes.

 

be honest... are you REALLY trying to get rid of the clothes - or are you using it as a weapon against him and his wife... seems like it.

 

 

Listen, I have had the clothes sitting in my extra truck and he knew he could have retrieved them. A friend of mine texted him and said listen I will drop them off at your work (barn) but please let me know if thats okay and what time. (I was not involved) she never got a text back! She waited a day, also noting that the clothes were currently sitting in the truck unlocked. Takes 30 seconds to pick them up! I am NOT holding onto his clothes. They were sitting in the truck for DAYS! I never locked up the truck at night... The duffle bag and other things he had were sitting in the back. So what am I suppose to do? I do not give a **** about his stuff. Did not check the car until a friend took it. He asked me if I wanted my stuff back (various items he had) I said NO.

 

The W texted me about something else and then mentioned the clothes. She told me he had mentioned it the other day... Also noting to me that is full of bull****, lies, and drama.

 

So please do not think I am holding onto his clothes extra hoping for contact. The wife tells me today she is so looking forward to divorce and cannot stand him. My reply- I wish you much happiness but your personal life is none of my business.

[alg24]

 

get it over with. less attachment to MM - less you think about him. to keep this alive is to keep the affair active with constant thoughts about his stupid clothes.

 

be honest... are you REALLY trying to get rid of the clothes - or are you using it as a weapon against him and his wife... seems like it.

 

 

 

Using it as a weapon??? Against him and his wife?? He did not ask the W to call me. The W mentioned it because he freaked out the other night. I am holding onto NOTHING- thats why I told him i do NOT want my stuff back. And left the clothes for him..

 

I have NOT gone to his barn to drop it off because he has made it VERY clear to me that he does not want me there during the day. Do not feel comfortable going there 9:30/10PM at night as he suggested. People know my car on the property. Legit, what if a saddle or something is missing the next day? (A saddle is worth over $2,500) Do not need that possibility. And four days ago my friend was ready to drop it off. But I sent him and she sent him a message the whereabouts of the clothes.

[2sunny]

then why do you keep posting over and over about his items in your trunk.

 

text him - do it - that his things are out at the curb tomorrow morning at 8am. if he doesn't pick them up at 8, someone else will stroll by and claim them. then just do it. be gone when he comes by.

 

then the whole thing is over. no need to keep rehashing his stuff. he makes an effort IF he wants it - obviously he hasn't wanted it THAT badly or he would have picked it up weeks ago.

 

make it end - get rid of it pronto either way - by putting it out on the curb. THEN you can forget about him completely and start moving forward.

 

 

 

ps... he may not even want to bother, so don't be surprised... some men just don't care enough to be uncomfortable or to go out of their way. and in that case - why should you care more than he does?

[alg24]

Sorry, did not mean to rehash clothing situation BUT I was mentioning I had been keeping NC and W contacted me/clothes had been mentioned.

[Samantha0905]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/

 

 

Thanks for sharing that! It was the first time I've read it. It's very helpful.

[alg24]

That link was beyond helpful

 

I find not seeing MM and not hearing his voice is very healing.

 

When I see him or have a dealing with him it makes my hard work crumble.

 

Currently he is gone for about four days =) Its so nice not having the possibility running into him.

[fooled once]

Alg ((hug)) Sorry, been wrapped up in health issues the last couple of days and I meant to respond to your email earlier.

 

Listen, dump the clothes in the trash OR take them to his wife's house and leave them in a box for him on her step.

 

But GET RID OF THE DAMN CLOTHES.

 

I too think you are holding onto them -- because you want contact with him.

 

If you don't want contact, you will get rid of them. He has had ample time to get them, he has chosen not to. So dump them.

 

((hugs))

 

I promise - if YOU stick to NC - it WILL get easier for you. You have got to stop remembering these "good times" and remember all the horrible things he has DONE to you and SAID to you.

 

Much love to you my friend!!