hopesndreams Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 It's best for you to get rid of that house and have no more dealings with him. You live in a small town and they will be living in that house together. Take the hit, pay the costs, do what it takes so they don't get that house, unless they buy you out. I just can't wrap my head around the fact he gets the house and you get nothing. It makes more sense if you both end up with nothing. Force his hand into giving you some money, at least!!! Or, gasoline?
LisaUk Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Hi Lisa, We sat down one night and went through all our bank accounts, credit cards etc and worked out what each of us had spent. He has actually spent a little bit more than me so my credit card debt is mine unfortunately I might go talk to the bank tomorrow and see if there is anything I can do! Im not ready to discuss it with him on Monday, its a massive decision and Im going to need a bit more time! Hi, we cross posted. Don't let him rush you, like I said in the suggestions above you don't HAVE to sell, sign over etc, the only way that can be forced on you is by court order and they look at all the circumstances.
LisaUk Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 It's best for you to get rid of that house and have no more dealings with him. You live in a small town and they will be living in that house together. Take the hit, pay the costs, do what it takes so they don't get that house, unless they buy you out. I just can't wrap my head around the fact he gets the house and you get nothing. It makes more sense if you both end up with nothing. Force his hand into giving you some money, at least!!! Or, gasoline? I'm with you H&D this sucks big time! That's why I am wracking my brain and my law books trying to figure a way for her to keep the house. For anyone else reading this thread, I just want to say (and I learnt this lesson the hard way too) NEVER cohabit and buy a property with someone, if you're married it's a whole different ball game under English law as the court decides taking many factors into account who gets what, but when you live together and this happens, it's h**l!
Author lisal0u Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 I did actually look into renting the house out but you have to change it to a buy to let mortgage and to do that the house needs to have 25% equity! I could get a lodger that would cover his half of the mortgage but I would still be left with not a lot of money to live. I didnt mind this when we were together as we had each other! Hopesndreams - funny you suggest gasoline ha ha! Id rather burn it down then have them to shack up there! It isnt fair that I could be left with nothing and Id rather sell and us both have nothing or even lose a bit of money then the alternative! Im going to tell him I need more time to consider my options! My Dad is stuck in Turkey at the minute and I really want to talk it through with him first!
Author lisal0u Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 You are so right Lisa! I would NEVER do it again! Thanks so much for looking into it all for me. The solicitor I saw said that it was a shame we wernt married as he could probably get a maintenance payment from him then! Hopesndreams - We have a pet lizard (bearded dragon) called Phil He's fine, Im looking after him at the minute as he's at the house! I actually bought him for Stuart as a bday present so I guess when Stuart moves out properly Phil will go with him! Going to Ebay some things tomorrow, every little helps as they say!
LisaUk Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I did actually look into renting the house out but you have to change it to a buy to let mortgage and to do that the house needs to have 25% equity! You mentioned your Dad helping you out with an inheritance, could you take the house in your name, change to a buy to let and off set the money from your Dad as the 25% equity? Then rent it to cover the mortgage until the house price goes up and your debts are free and clear then sell? I could get a lodger that would cover his half of the mortgage but I would still be left with not a lot of money to live. I didnt mind this when we were together as we had each other! Hopesndreams - funny you suggest gasoline ha ha! Id rather burn it down then have them to shack up there! It isnt fair that I could be left with nothing and Id rather sell and us both have nothing or even lose a bit of money then the alternative! Would you lose a lot more money by selling rather than signing it over to him? Im going to tell him I need more time to consider my options! My Dad is stuck in Turkey at the minute and I really want to talk it through with him first! Yes, don't let him rush you! He is one a******e for doing this to you, I mean buys a house with you, gets yo ito debt then cheats on you and leaves you and he didn't even let you know he was unahppy in the realtionship or give you time to try and resolve things before b******g off with the OW. B******d.
Author lisal0u Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Hi lisa, I'd need to borrow about the same to clear 25% equity or pay off the debts so it's probably better to clear the debts. It's just the time it's going to take to get the inheritance, I think it's just going to be too long! I worked out it would cost about £8k to sell it so we would need to sell for £115k to break even! The average of the valuations was £108k so we'd lose £7k! I'm going to make an appointment with the bank to see if there is anything I can do or that I haven't thought of! He is a total b*****d! And he doesn't even think he's done anything wrong! He told me id changed and he didn't like it! He said I was always angry and he was probably to blame for a lot of it! I think the damage was done to our relationship a long time ago but he didn't leave till he had her to go to!
LisaUk Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Hi Lisa So you would lose £3,500 and so would he plus he won't get his deposit back? I know £3,500 is a lot of money but I would be inclined to sell rather than let him have the house to shack up with her! WHy should he get out of this scot free and keep the house you have put so much work into? You're right he is a b*****d and it's amazing how they think they haven't done anything wrong isn't it? Mine was the same, it's like they don't seem to comprehend that you don't just dump someone you have been in a long term committed relationship with as if you have been dating for a year. After that many years you deserve a chance to work things out not to be broken up with like it's nothing! Only you can decide if it is worth it to lose the money in balance with him having the house. I wouldn't let him have it personally, you can always earn more money but you would have to live knowing he had that house and got away with the terrible way he treated you. You need to decide for yourself though. You say you think your relationship was broken a long time ago? Well might have been nice if he had mentionned it then? You can't have bought that house together that long ago, so things must have been alright then, so it can't have been broken that long ago. In other words Lisa this is his BS excuse to justify to himself cheating on you. He isn't worth your time and love, it's going to take some time but one day you will see him for what he really is.
LisaUk Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Hi Lisa How are you doing? Haven't seen you post for a couple of days?
Author lisal0u Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 Hi lisa, not having a good one today! Got home to find him there doing some work! I just said hello and said I'd let him get on with his work! He said I could talk to him while he worked! I did and shouldn't have cos I just got upset he's been looking at flats and wants to get one asap! He hasn't said ifhes still going to pay half! He wouldn't really discuss it with me! So now i feel really stressed and under pressure to decide what to do with the house! I'm seeing the bank tomorrow to see if they can do anything to help! He said to speak to him after that! I told him I wasn't signing the house over because it was supposed to be our home not theirs! He got mad about that because if I can't afford it then the only other option is for us to possibly lose money selling! There's so muchto sort out, like splitting up our belongings, my head hurts :-( how are you doing? X
RedDevil66 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I understand your pain and I am sorry I've said this over and over, men RARELY leave to be alone to find themselves and when they say a woman is just a friend, they lie! My ex of 11 yrs did this to me also. Walked out after 11 yrs to "find himself" and live alone. Yep, he was cheating on me for a whole yr and left to be with her. weak people they are
Author lisal0u Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 Thanks red devil, I just wish I had some proof that he cheated or that the reason he really left was her! All our friends believe him when he says he didnt cheat and they were just friends! I seem to be the bad guy at the minute, haven't seen my 2 closest friends for over a week I think everyone is sick of me but because he's quite happy he's easier to hang around with! I asked him how he could move on so quickly last night and he just said I'm not over it yet!! How can he say he's not over me but be sleeping with someone else! He even said lots of people have told them it's too soon! After he moves out properly I don't imagine I'll see him again which is actually a relief! Just got to divide all our belongings up first! I'm not looking forward to that I just want it all to be over, i can't take much more!
Author lisal0u Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 Well today has been a better day! The bank were really helpfull and I now have a plan! I think having a plan is what is making me feel so much better than yesterday! I have spoken to the ex tonight and was very composed and business like! It shocked him and he even ended up crying! I have no idea why he was upset, I managed to hold it together! He just said its really really sad, I didnt say anything! He is going to carry on paying half the mortgage untill November when I should be in a position to go solo! Just got to sort out splitting up our belongings now. Hes seen a place to rent that apparently isnt very nice so he should have moved all of his stuff out by next week sometime! I think the reality of his decision is finally sinking in! I hope I feel like this for a few days at least!
LisaUk Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 (edited) Thanks red devil, I just wish I had some proof that he cheated or that the reason he really left was her! All our friends believe him when he says he didnt cheat and they were just friends! I seem to be the bad guy at the minute, haven't seen my 2 closest friends for over a week I think everyone is sick of me but because he's quite happy he's easier to hang around with! I asked him how he could move on so quickly last night and he just said I'm not over it yet!! How can he say he's not over me but be sleeping with someone else! He even said lots of people have told them it's too soon! After he moves out properly I don't imagine I'll see him again which is actually a relief! Just got to divide all our belongings up first! I'm not looking forward to that I just want it all to be over, i can't take much more! Hi Lisa, First, these people aren't your friends. It's amazing how something like this will show you very clerly who are the people that love you in your life and who aren't. Don't give these "friends" a second thought, if they truely cared for you they would understand how hard this all is for you and see his behaviour for what it is. It's not about taking sides, no one says they can't still be his friend, it's about caring for you and supporting you. WHo needs supprot right now? You just said he is easier to be around? So they are what is known as "fair weather friends" ie friends you don't need. WOuld you treat a friend like that? The day my ex left my best friend got a babysitter for her 1 year old, cancelled a friend coming over to her house for lunch that really wnated to see her as she had just gotten pregnant and was round my house within 30 mins. She stayed with me until my parents arrived, form 200 miles away 9 hours later! Then she called me everyday, took me shopping as I couldn't drive to get food and was the most supportive person to me in the world! My other friend who was 200 miles away where i live now, called me everyday on her one hour lunch break from work, EVERYDAY, and every evening. Trust me-these people are NOT your friends and you deserve better. So he's upset b/c he is going to lose money? OH BOO HOO FOR STUART! MAybe he should have thought about that before he decided to b***er off withour trying to fix things with you first. I know you want proof of him cheating, you aren't going to get it from him, he's too much of a coward! Trust in yourself Lisa, you KNOW he was cheating, if not physically then emotionally. Well today has been a better day! The bank were really helpfull and I now have a plan! I think having a plan is what is making me feel so much better than yesterday! I have spoken to the ex tonight and was very composed and business like! It shocked him and he even ended up crying! I have no idea why he was upset, I managed to hold it together! He just said its really really sad, I didnt say anything! He is going to carry on paying half the mortgage untill November when I should be in a position to go solo! Just got to sort out splitting up our belongings now. Hes seen a place to rent that apparently isnt very nice so he should have moved all of his stuff out by next week sometime! I think the reality of his decision is finally sinking in! I hope I feel like this for a few days at least! OH dear! Is Stuart having to go live in a hole? My heart bleeds! For goodness sake why can't he be a man! He made this decision all by himself, now he can live with it all by himself! How DARE he abuse you further by crying and putting more emotional stress on you. I'm so happy to hear you carried it off all business like. Way to be strong! So you get to keep the house! YAY! :bunny::bunny: Well handled Lisa, you should be proud of how you are handling all this. At a time where it is so hard to get up everyday you are dealing with all the legal and finacial stuff, good on you! Edited April 28, 2010 by LisaUk
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