thank you posters!

[lilagirl]

Hi everyone.

 

i wanted to introduce myself to everyone. I have been reading the forums for a while, but have been scared to post in an effort to remain secretive in my double life...

 

On a brief level, I am in the process of a separation with my H, and have been hopelessly in love with a MM for quite some time. Our A has been going on for about a year. I didn`t leave my H for the MM, because the A highlighted it was time to leave... but certainly the emotional connection and getting feelings to the surface assisted in this.

 

I am still holding out for my MM to leave... he is still in the decision making process... I am holding faith that my soulmate will soon be with me.

 

I have had many amazing days, and many terrible days as an OW. It was SO much easier when I had my own hiding to do. I have found great strenth in this board, as well as allot of ill feelings and doubt... (Could my MM possibly be lying....)

 

I just wanted to say hello... and thanks for all the heart and love on this forum. I appreciate all the perspectives and helps me with understanding my situation, and what I will and will not wait for...

 

so THANK YOU!!!!!

[Just a stone's throw]

Welcome Lilagirl! Good luck to you!

 

at least if you lurk for awhile you come up with a nice short name unlike some of us that joined and posted on their first day.... what was I thinking???

 

JAST

[jennie-jennie]

Hi everyone.

 

i wanted to introduce myself to everyone. I have been reading the forums for a while, but have been scared to post in an effort to remain secretive in my double life...

 

On a brief level, I am in the process of a separation with my H, and have been hopelessly in love with a MM for quite some time. Our A has been going on for about a year. I didn`t leave my H for the MM, because the A highlighted it was time to leave... but certainly the emotional connection and getting feelings to the surface assisted in this.

 

I am still holding out for my MM to leave... he is still in the decision making process... I am holding faith that my soulmate will soon be with me.

 

I have had many amazing days, and many terrible days as an OW. It was SO much easier when I had my own hiding to do. I have found great strenth in this board, as well as allot of ill feelings and doubt... (Could my MM possibly be lying....)

 

I just wanted to say hello... and thanks for all the heart and love on this forum. I appreciate all the perspectives and helps me with understanding my situation, and what I will and will not wait for...

 

so THANK YOU!!!!!

 

Hi Lilagirl and welcome!

 

Hope your transition from MOW to OW goes well. I have done it too. It is challenging to say the least.

[lilagirl]

Hi Lilagirl and welcome!

 

Hope your transition from MOW to OW goes well. I have done it too. It is challenging to say the least.

 

Thank youy Jennie-Jennie. I appreciate that. It hasn`t been easy for sure. Mourning a marriage loss and trying to understand this R. A`s have a way of isolating your friends, and I need them right now... I guess its all about finding my balance in all of this. I have found a great deal of strength in your posts. Makes me feel like I am stronger than I am....

[White Flower]

lilagirl, welcome!

 

Tell your story and we will mirror our experiences back to you. Some MM lie about everything and some only lie to W about having an OW. And there are many in between, so post post post and we will do our best to help you see different perspectives. Our answers may not be yours, but will help you make informed decisions as your R progresses.

 

Best,

WF.

[jennie-jennie]

Thank youy Jennie-Jennie. I appreciate that. It hasn`t been easy for sure. Mourning a marriage loss and trying to understand this R. A`s have a way of isolating your friends, and I need them right now... I guess its all about finding my balance in all of this. I have found a great deal of strength in your posts. Makes me feel like I am stronger than I am....

 

That makes me happy! I do hope OW/OM will find strength in my posts, and perhaps find that balance quicker than I did. I bet you are that strong!

[Fallen Angel]

Thank youy Jennie-Jennie. I appreciate that. It hasn`t been easy for sure. Mourning a marriage loss and trying to understand this R. A`s have a way of isolating your friends, and I need them right now... I guess its all about finding my balance in all of this. I have found a great deal of strength in your posts. Makes me feel like I am stronger than I am....

 

I just want to chime in here to let you know that being in an affair does NOT have to isolate you from your friends. I have always lived my life as honestly as possible, and along the way have met many friends who live by the same code. When I first realized that I was in an affair, I too thought I could not tell my friends the truth. But not having the outlet of their friendship took its toll, and sooner rather than later I came clean. What I found out is that my friends love me, all of me, even when they do not agree with every decision I make. I have found that they are supportive and understanding, and are there for me on my bad days even while I may be doing something they do not agree with. Trust your friends and open up to them, if you find that you lose a friendship along the way, then count your blessings that you found out now that their love was not the unconditional love of a friend that you deserve. (((hugs to you)))

 

P.S. I found that even my most devoutly religious friend wants for nothing more than my happiness and is happy for me that I am finally finding it, even if it is not the way she would have chosen for me. She is supportive of me in my relationship, and her support is invaluable.

[Passion4Life]

Thank youy Jennie-Jennie. I appreciate that. It hasn`t been easy for sure. Mourning a marriage loss and trying to understand this R. A`s have a way of isolating your friends, and I need them right now... I guess its all about finding my balance in all of this. I have found a great deal of strength in your posts. Makes me feel like I am stronger than I am....

 

don't you think there isn't anything for you to mourn when you said you had been hoplessly in love with om & left your marriage after the affair ?

[secretlady76]

I have to agree. For the short time I have been using this site (all of a couple of weeks) it has given me so much advice and support about a situation I felt I was experiencing on my own, you know, I was the only one in the world feeling the way I do. This site has helped realise that I am not alone and many people have and will experience what I am currently feeling. Many thanks.

[jennie-jennie]

I have to agree. For the short time I have been using this site (all of a couple of weeks) it has given me so much advice and support about a situation I felt I was experiencing on my own, you know, I was the only one in the world feeling the way I do. This site has helped realise that I am not alone and many people have and will experience what I am currently feeling. Many thanks.

 

Your post makes me really happy, Secretlady. I too felt there was nowhere I could turn, nowhere where people understood. If we can provide a place for OW to support each other so much is won.

[lilagirl]

don't you think there isn't anything for you to mourn when you said you had been hoplessly in love with om & left your marriage after the affair ?

 

As I said, I didn`t leave my H for my MM. There were many factors that lead to that decision, including it being an unhealthy, abusive relationship. Because I have another partner, does not make it so that I don`t experience all the pain and grief associated with ending a relationshp and marriage.

 

I just want to chime in here to let you know that being in an affair does NOT have to isolate you from your friends. I have always lived my life as honestly as possible, and along the way have met many friends who live by the same code. When I first realized that I was in an affair, I too thought I could not tell my friends the truth. But not having the outlet of their friendship took its toll, and sooner rather than later I came clean. What I found out is that my friends love me, all of me, even when they do not agree with every decision I make. I have found that they are supportive and understanding, and are there for me on my bad days even while I may be doing something they do not agree with. Trust your friends and open up to them, if you find that you lose a friendship along the way, then count your blessings that you found out now that their love was not the unconditional love of a friend that you deserve. (((hugs to you)))

 

P.S. I found that even my most devoutly religious friend wants for nothing more than my happiness and is happy for me that I am finally finding it, even if it is not the way she would have chosen for me. She is supportive of me in my relationship, and her support is invaluable.

 

 

Thanks FA. I don`t beleive I am in a place where i could do that just yet. The risk and implications of a D Day are too high. We have allot of common friends. The thought of that makes my heart skip a beat at how amazing with would be to confide in my friends. You are very lucky...

[SavannahSmiles]

P.S. I found that even my most devoutly religious friend wants for nothing more than my happiness and is happy for me that I am finally finding it, even if it is not the way she would have chosen for me. She is supportive of me in my relationship, and her support is invaluable.

 

 

This is one of those things that gets under my skin. I am not perfect by any means and I have made lots of mistakes, but I must say I've always known when I'm right and when I'm wrong. A religious friend's views is not going change that. If I am sleeping with another man's wife, I am wrong. If it makes me happy, I am still wrong. If a devoutly religious friend supports something does that make it right? There is a difference between being religious and being godly. We don't answer to religious friends. We answer to God. What makes one person happy may destroy another person. So wrong actions shouldn't be excused because they make you happy. If this friend were really devoutly religious she would know that happiness isn't the purpose of life. If she believes the Bible is the world of God then she would know God expects us to be obedient. He didn't make the exception - Oh, unless you want to do something else that makes you happy! If you it makes you feel better that this friend supports you that's great, but it has nothing to do with God.

[Confused4Now]

This is one of those things that gets under my skin. I am not perfect by any means and I have made lots of mistakes, but I must say I've always known when I'm right and when I'm wrong. A religious friend's views is not going change that. If I am sleeping with another man's wife, I am wrong. If it makes me happy, I am still wrong. If a devoutly religious friend supports something does that make it right? There is a difference between being religious and being godly. We don't answer to religious friends. We answer to God. What makes one person happy may destroy another person. So wrong actions shouldn't be excused because they make you happy. If this friend were really devoutly religious she would know that happiness isn't the purpose of life. If she believes the Bible is the world of God then she would know God expects us to be obedient. He didn't make the exception - Oh, unless you want to do something else that makes you happy! If you it makes you feel better that this friend supports you that's great, but it has nothing to do with God.

Well put and I totally agree with this....

[Fallen Angel]

This is one of those things that gets under my skin. I am not perfect by any means and I have made lots of mistakes, but I must say I've always known when I'm right and when I'm wrong. A religious friend's views is not going change that. If I am sleeping with another man's wife, I am wrong. If it makes me happy, I am still wrong. If a devoutly religious friend supports something does that make it right? There is a difference between being religious and being godly. We don't answer to religious friends. We answer to God. What makes one person happy may destroy another person. So wrong actions shouldn't be excused because they make you happy. If this friend were really devoutly religious she would know that happiness isn't the purpose of life. If she believes the Bible is the world of God then she would know God expects us to be obedient. He didn't make the exception - Oh, unless you want to do something else that makes you happy! If you it makes you feel better that this friend supports you that's great, but it has nothing to do with God.

 

I am pretty sure I never said that what I do is supported by God because my religious friend supports me. I never said that her love and support mean that what i do or do not do is always right. You are twisting my words. What I said was that despite her religious beliefs (and the fact that in her eyes I am commiting sin) she has not turned her back on me, and does not sit in judgement of me. She still extends to me all of her love and friendship. See, she is rather "Godly" in that she knows how to love the sinner despite the sin. (And she also is obedient to God in that she knows it is not her place to judge me. )

[Just a stone's throw]

I can totally relate to FA's post. The only friend and other person besides LS'ers who knows about my A is one of my most religious friends and I confided in her early on about the A as she and her H are struggling also. I am so blessed by her friendship in that she also did not judge me for what I was choosing to do in my life. It does not mean she didn't offer advice but she withheld judgement and has to this day which to me speaks to her practice of her religion.

[Hazyhead]

I can understand what you mean, FA and JAST, but I think it's more of an acceptance thing than a religion thing. Everyone has a moral compass (even if for some it's well hidden) and to share your secret relationship with someone you trust and respect and NOT be condemned can be cathartic. Before dday when things were becoming very strained, I started to share what I was going through and I felt like a weight had been lifted. When those I confided in supported me and did not judge I was actually surprised as I'd done this horrible thing, in my mind. Their strength, however, was also a contributor to accepting the final break, knowing that they would be there for me when it was hard, and they were.

[Just a stone's throw]

Agreed, Hazy.

[scatterd]

You both have been cheating how will either one of you trust each other you both know what you are capable of when the newness wears off and the fog is gone you going to wish you kept the other one.Think about it Good luck.