tkgirl Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 you're welcome! so... can you at least set up a time to talk? so you won't keep driving yourself crazy wondering what's going on. Just give her a quick call... I get that you're both busy but it would take like two minutes. Say something like "I know you have a lot going on right now and I do as well, but I think we really need to talk... can we set up a time next week to meet?" or something like that. Then leave her alone and give her some space... you say you want her to think about you... well, give her some time to do that. Yeah, I know she's had a lot of time already and should know what's going on with her feelings too by now... but give her a little more time if you can. Then when you do talk just be clear on what you want. You two started off as friends... then you fell in love with her. If she doesn't have the same feelings I think you need to be ready to let her go... you're feelings aren't going to go away for her and it's much too painful to pretend you are cool with being friends... believe me! It doesn't mean you can't care about her anymore, but you want something more and you can't wait around for her to figure it out. hang in there!
Author xRJ85x Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 you're welcome! so... can you at least set up a time to talk? so you won't keep driving yourself crazy wondering what's going on. Just give her a quick call... I get that you're both busy but it would take like two minutes. Say something like "I know you have a lot going on right now and I do as well, but I think we really need to talk... can we set up a time next week to meet?" or something like that. Then leave her alone and give her some space... you say you want her to think about you... well, give her some time to do that. Yeah, I know she's had a lot of time already and should know what's going on with her feelings too by now... but give her a little more time if you can. Then when you do talk just be clear on what you want. You two started off as friends... then you fell in love with her. If she doesn't have the same feelings I think you need to be ready to let her go... you're feelings aren't going to go away for her and it's much too painful to pretend you are cool with being friends... believe me! It doesn't mean you can't care about her anymore, but you want something more and you can't wait around for her to figure it out. hang in there! I was actually thinking about that today. I'm gonna have to tell her "I'll keep my promise that I'll always care deeply about you and even be there for you in a life or death situation, but I don't know if I can handle being just friends because I'll always want more. You've not only attempted to get close to me but you've come to me for support many times before. You've basically treated me like a pseudo-boyfriend. I know you didn't mean it, but you really can't blame me for getting attached at all, not for who I am." I also think the L word is gonna slip out too. I don't even know if I can set up a time to talk before she actually graduates. Definitely not in person, which is how I should be doing it. School is 3 1/2 hrs away, this weekend would have been the last before I would go out there to surprise her on graduation. It's something I'm gonna have to figure out how to do AGAIN.
Author xRJ85x Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 tk...My friend says it's crazy to ask but...would it be fair of me to randomly ask her "Are you being honest and not hiding anything from me?"
tkgirl Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 tk...My friend says it's crazy to ask but...would it be fair of me to randomly ask her "Are you being honest and not hiding anything from me?" fair shmair but she's likely to either give you a vague answer or get defensive and not answer the question at all. Why are you so afraid to just come out and ask her what you really want to know? is it because you are afraid of what you might hear? listen, you told her you think of her way more than a friend and now you need to just come out and ask her if there's any chance she could feel the same way about you. I have the feeling by the way she is acting the answer may not be want you want... but at least you will know where you stand. sorry friend... I know how bad it hurts to really like someone that just can't or won't feel the same way... I hope I'm wrong about her but her actions tell me that she doesn't
Author xRJ85x Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 fair shmair but she's likely to either give you a vague answer or get defensive and not answer the question at all. Why are you so afraid to just come out and ask her what you really want to know? is it because you are afraid of what you might hear? listen, you told her you think of her way more than a friend and now you need to just come out and ask her if there's any chance she could feel the same way about you. I have the feeling by the way she is acting the answer may not be want you want... but at least you will know where you stand. sorry friend... I know how bad it hurts to really like someone that just can't or won't feel the same way... I hope I'm wrong about her but her actions tell me that she doesn't No, I'm going to talk to her about it. Yes, I am afraid, but more afraid of the timing. I don't know whether I'm being a b*tch about not getting attention, or if she really doesn't care. I was in this same position until she called me last Thursday for support, and threw in that comment about "Why didn't you tell me you have a job? I thought you would tell me that." After I told others that, they said "Hey! You should be optimistic now!" And then came a couple nights ago. As far as the timing, do I bring it up now and risk (what some of my friends said) having her think "Hey I got a ton of friends here that I'm not gonna see again so I'm gonna focus all my time with them!" or do I bring it up after she graduates and thinks "Ohhh I'm so alone now!" and she starts calling me more? It's been timing that's put us both in this place of falling out and I'm thinking that it's timing that would bring us back in.
tkgirl Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 No, I'm going to talk to her about it. Yes, I am afraid, but more afraid of the timing. I don't know whether I'm being a b*tch about not getting attention, or if she really doesn't care. I was in this same position until she called me last Thursday for support, and threw in that comment about "Why didn't you tell me you have a job? I thought you would tell me that." After I told others that, they said "Hey! You should be optimistic now!" And then came a couple nights ago. As far as the timing, do I bring it up now and risk (what some of my friends said) having her think "Hey I got a ton of friends here that I'm not gonna see again so I'm gonna focus all my time with them!" or do I bring it up after she graduates and thinks "Ohhh I'm so alone now!" and she starts calling me more? It's been timing that's put us both in this place of falling out and I'm thinking that it's timing that would bring us back in. well then.. go with your gut and wait 'til you think the time is right to talk to her about it... but until you do, try try TRY not to over-analyze this any more. You WILL get your answers when and only when you talk to her... until then go do other stuff, fill your time with things you like to do and all that....
Author xRJ85x Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 well then.. go with your gut and wait 'til you think the time is right to talk to her about it... but until you do, try try TRY not to over-analyze this any more. You WILL get your answers when and only when you talk to her... until then go do other stuff, fill your time with things you like to do and all that.... I'm trying...ugh so much easier said than done. I'm even going out with another girl this weekend. I've had 9 girls "wink" at me today on Match. Everything else is going well, and I'm losing sleep over depression.
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