xRJ85x Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 So I had another thread a month back about how I've fallen in love with a best friend of 3 1/2 years. I'm making this one because, well, tonight I've pretty much gone mushroom cloud with confusion. I've been trying to stay close with her, but I've gotten to see her once every couple of months. Some important notes: -She lives 3 1/2 hrs away -9 months ago when she wasn't really busy, she'd call me two to three times a month to keep in touch and tell me how much she missed me. -She's stressed to the point where she gets sick week in and week out from lesson plans, helping move her school around, job applications, waitressing on weekends, etc. -She's told me she doesn't like to show much affection when it comes to love. So honestly I don't know how to read how she feels above all else. The deal is that I took everyone's advice, and told her how I felt. I wrote it in a VERY DEEP love letter in her bday card along with her present. So as my friend said, whatever she does after she read the note is what really matters. So I don't hear anything from her for a few days. I text msg'd her a week later with an inside joke because where I was reminded me of it. She laughed and said "Btw I got your mail. That was really sweet." I told her that I meant everything I said and that I would talk to her about it more after graduation. A couple weeks later (last Thursday) I get a call from her. She's flipping out because her car broke down, her school has been pushing the staff to hurry moving everything for renovations, and she has her cert. exam coming up. I calmed her down, and she caught up with me a little. An interesting part was that when I told her I got a new job, she said "Why didn't you tell me you did?" I told her she hasn't picked up the phone the last couple of times I called and I thought I should give her space. Since my friends and I planned on going out for a special event this weekend, I obviously wanted to see her. Tonight I called her. No pick up. She was on Facebook but it said she was filling out job apps. I didn't leave a voicemail so I text msg'd her saying "I just wanted to know if you would like to go out to dinner then go watch the game after?" She text msg'd me back saying "I can't. I have to work. I have my cert. test in the morning and then work all night." I asked if there was any chance in between and she said she told a friend she'd meet up with her for an hour if she had a chance. I wished her good luck and said goodnight. She said thanks, but not just any thanks, a "Thanks kid!" something she says to all her other guy friends. So as you can see, she's given me nothing. She's continued to talk to me after I told her how I felt, and even called me a couple weeks later for help (something my stepsister said was just like how she would call her bf for help). Yet tonight she ignores my call while were both watching the game, and treats me like an average friend over text msgs. So honestly, wtf? I'm losing it, torn between what I should do (rip into her for giving me no indication of anything) and what I promised (that I love her and I don't wanna stress her out). She's graduating mid May, and I had planned on bringing flowers that day and having my friends and I play a kind joke on her. Thanks in advance to anyone who brings advice, I've gotten to know a few names on here and it's nice to see honesty.
tkgirl Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 hey xRJ85x! I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this... and I wish I had some advice for you! I just think some things take time... it's good you let her know your true feelings but now you need to step back a bit. You can't get mad at her for not feeling the same way about you.. I know you know that. She needs time to figure out how she feels now.. and that's why she is acting distant. I'm sure she got a little freaked after learning how you really feel and is trying to process it all. You just got to keep giving her space... in the meantime, hang in there and try not to think about it too much... easier said than done though!
clashcity19 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 The very least she could have done was respond to your letter. I don't think that saying, "I got your mail. That was really sweet," qualifies as a response. It sounds like to me (a complete and total outsider who doesn't know either you from Adam), like she is maybe avoiding the response. There could be a lot of reasons for it, but it is not very nice of her to just ignore it after you poured your heart out to her. I really hope that you can get the answers you want. If I were you, I would call her out on her evasiveness. You have been friends a long time; there should be more respect there than that. Even if it makes things awkward for a little while, at least you'll get your response, which is what I think you deserve. If it's not the response you are hoping for, maybe there will still be a friendship there at the very least. If it is the response you are hoping for, all the better.
carhill Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 There's an old saying about how one treats people on the way up determines how they'll be treated on the way down. Hope the 'way down' time is long in coming to this 'friend', for I fear she will have an interesting life lesson coming when it does. Advice? Black hole her. Nothing else to say....she's not your friend. You're her friend, and more. That 'more' is what is driving this. Without it, there would be nothing. Sorry.
Author xRJ85x Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 hey xRJ85x! I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this... and I wish I had some advice for you! I just think some things take time... it's good you let her know your true feelings but now you need to step back a bit. You can't get mad at her for not feeling the same way about you.. I know you know that. She needs time to figure out how she feels now.. and that's why she is acting distant. I'm sure she got a little freaked after learning how you really feel and is trying to process it all. You just got to keep giving her space... in the meantime, hang in there and try not to think about it too much... easier said than done though! I was hoping you'd be the first one to post! Seriously though, it wouldn't be her not feeling the same that I would be getting mad at, it would be because she didn't give me one side or the other. She's given me nothing. It was her acknowledging that she liked the gift AND calling me to keep in touch after that showed me she wasn't freaked out and could possibly give it a shot. Since this was the last possible weekend I would try to see her before she graduates (on May 15th), I know I just have to keep my head straight. What really pisses me off is stuff like her saying "Why didn't you tell me you got a new job?" and then not picking up another time when I called her. The very least she could have done was respond to your letter. I don't think that saying, "I got your mail. That was really sweet," qualifies as a response. It sounds like to me (a complete and total outsider who doesn't know either you from Adam), like she is maybe avoiding the response. There could be a lot of reasons for it, but it is not very nice of her to just ignore it after you poured your heart out to her. I really hope that you can get the answers you want. If I were you, I would call her out on her evasiveness. You have been friends a long time; there should be more respect there than that. Even if it makes things awkward for a little while, at least you'll get your response, which is what I think you deserve. If it's not the response you are hoping for, maybe there will still be a friendship there at the very least. If it is the response you are hoping for, all the better. It doesn't. You've said the EXACT same thing my friends said. And it's why that after she graduates, I'm gonna talk to her more, and if she turns me down, I'm going to rip into her to no end. Because she knows how I feel, and she's shown in the past she cares, and she didn't break anything off with me, so it's all on her. I'm sitting here basically torturing myself because I care enough to not want to pressure her more than she already is.
Author xRJ85x Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 There's an old saying about how one treats people on the way up determines how they'll be treated on the way down. Hope the 'way down' time is long in coming to this 'friend', for I fear she will have an interesting life lesson coming when it does. Advice? Black hole her. Nothing else to say....she's not your friend. You're her friend, and more. That 'more' is what is driving this. Without it, there would be nothing. Sorry. Oh believe me, I have every intention to black hole her after I get an official answer from her. She's told me she's very caring for her close friends. The reason this hurts so much more than just another girl that isn't feeling me is that I trusted her for the whole time I've known her. Seeing her do this to me is starting to question my trust, and if she drops me, showing that she really didn't care about my feelings, then hopefully that'll teach her the life lesson you so speak about. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt right now because I love her, but that's expiring come her graduation.
carhill Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 It will only be when she actually cares that she'll learn her lesson. Caring less or not at all, as appears to be the case with you, is not the teacher. Class will be in session eventually and the curriculum will be painful. Your work is to accept her perspective and understand that it does not reflect upon the value and depth of the love and friendship you offered. Trust yourself to know that someone will see you with better, healthier eyes. Good luck
Kaplan Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I obviously have no wisdom when it comes to these things (If you remember my thread.) But I had a couple thoughts. First of all, it seems that if her feelings for you are going to change, they're likely to change gradually by means of her looking at you differently. Meaning that she won't feel different right away. Also, I wanted to ask, did you specifically ask for an answer from her? If not, she might not realize that you are waiting for her to give her one. Perhaps you just need to tell her that you really need to know how she feels. That being said, I would feel the same frustration you are feeling if I was in your position. If it's any consolation, I think the friend I fell in love with thinks I'm a pervert or something so you're doing better than me, man.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Well basically she gave you her non confrontational rejection. There's no point trying to figure her out, any person who feels the same will at least respond in a more enthusiastic way be that they are in the midst of a test or whatnot.
Author xRJ85x Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 I obviously have no wisdom when it comes to these things (If you remember my thread.) But I had a couple thoughts. First of all, it seems that if her feelings for you are going to change, they're likely to change gradually by means of her looking at you differently. Meaning that she won't feel different right away. Also, I wanted to ask, did you specifically ask for an answer from her? If not, she might not realize that you are waiting for her to give her one. Perhaps you just need to tell her that you really need to know how she feels. That being said, I would feel the same frustration you are feeling if I was in your position. If it's any consolation, I think the friend I fell in love with thinks I'm a pervert or something so you're doing better than me, man. I wouldn't say you don't have any wisdom basically because you have experience in this, so I value your input. That's what I was going for though, gradually changing. She hasn't seen me at all since she read the letter. Only talked to me. I didn't ask for an answer because A) I knew I wasn't going to get a positive one right then and there. B) I didn't wanna pressure her more while she was stressed with school. and C) Simply because I didn't think I needed to ask for one. As a close friend, if she really cares about how I feel she'd give me an answer, not give me nothing and string me along. Well basically she gave you her non confrontational rejection. There's no point trying to figure her out, any person who feels the same will at least respond in a more enthusiastic way be that they are in the midst of a test or whatnot. She can't do that though. I'm not just some random guy who asked her out and she doesn't wanna say no to in person. I told her how I felt, so she knows that I'm either gonna hurt or not. So if she really cares about how I feel, she'd let me know and not string me along. Not to mention it wasn't even a non-confrontational rejection. That would be her just not responding to me at all. Not only did she bring up the gift on her own, but she continued to keep in contact with me, calling me up and looking for help and comfort (which is a relationship-like move according to my stepsis who's been with her bf for 4 yrs). Last night, she treated me like an average friend, but I don't know if that means nothing because of how she told me way back that she doesn't like to show affection, or if its just her being an immature idiot and leading me on, or if she didn't even take the note seriously.
Knittress Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I definitely haven't analyzed the situation with the same amount of depth as you and some of the other posters have... but I can totally see myself in the reactions of this girl so I thought I'd chime in. I've had friends decide to come on to me and it generally makes me feel confused and upset. The way I try and deal with things that make me feel this way by going all avoidant and/or playing dumb. You've redrawn the lines and maybe she resents you a little for that. In the very least expect her to be confused about how she ought to treat you, as all her natural inclinations towards you of closeness and caring have to be re-interpreted in light of this new frame you've put things in. It's not an out-and-out rejection but you've definitely got to expect some period of uncomfortable weirdness on her end - and depending on how decisive/assertive she is, she's gonna resolve this discomfort in any number of ways. I would personally freak and run, because that's how I handle uncertain situations - she may not.
make me believe Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I agree with papercut, it was a non-confrontational rejection. I doubt she will ever come right out and say "I don't want to date you." Instead, she's choosing to ignore your letter and pretend like it never happened. But bottom line is she isn't interested in you, and I'm not sure why you think you need an "official answer" when her answer is pretty obvious. She called you up & asked you for help because she knows you have feelings for her & will likely drop everything to help her with whatever she needs.
carhill Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 IMO, can the idea of getting an 'official answer' and/or 'ripping into her'. Unproductive. I had to handle a somewhat similar situation (someone surprising me with 'feelings') last year, a rarity for me, when someone let an online 'friendship' get a little out of hand. I offered to travel to her location and talk about it in person. She declined. The key was handling such an episode with sensitivity and caring, even if there was currently an imbalance in feelings. I'm not seeing that here, and the OP and his intended have a long 'friendship', even 'best friends' by his description, to boot. My advice to the OP is to not engage her at any level and maintain steadfast in the clarity of his expression of his feelings and heal and move on. Ignore words. An action which would gather my attention would be for her to show up on his doorstep, letter in hand, saying 'I want to talk about this'. Then, and only then, would I proceed with an open mind and accept the results. Otherwise, black hole.
tkgirl Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I was hoping you'd be the first one to post! Seriously though, it wouldn't be her not feeling the same that I would be getting mad at, it would be because she didn't give me one side or the other. She's given me nothing. It was her acknowledging that she liked the gift AND calling me to keep in touch after that showed me she wasn't freaked out and could possibly give it a shot. Since this was the last possible weekend I would try to see her before she graduates (on May 15th), I know I just have to keep my head straight. What really pisses me off is stuff like her saying "Why didn't you tell me you got a new job?" and then not picking up another time when I called her. thanks! I'm happy to try to help I've read all the response here and there's been really good advice... now it's up to you. We can offer our perspective but we don't know you or her... or how you really feel about her. It's obvious she means a lot to you... and I'm sure you mean a lot to her too... but some things just can't be forced. I think if you can be a little more patient she may just come around... or she may not... but demanding to know how she feels right now will most likely backfire. I know it's hard... but time is all you've got. So either you wait it out a bit or you risk losing her for good if you try to pressure her. Again... this is only my perspective on the situation.. so hang in there ok?
Author xRJ85x Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 I definitely haven't analyzed the situation with the same amount of depth as you and some of the other posters have... but I can totally see myself in the reactions of this girl so I thought I'd chime in. I've had friends decide to come on to me and it generally makes me feel confused and upset. The way I try and deal with things that make me feel this way by going all avoidant and/or playing dumb. You've redrawn the lines and maybe she resents you a little for that. In the very least expect her to be confused about how she ought to treat you, as all her natural inclinations towards you of closeness and caring have to be re-interpreted in light of this new frame you've put things in. It's not an out-and-out rejection but you've definitely got to expect some period of uncomfortable weirdness on her end - and depending on how decisive/assertive she is, she's gonna resolve this discomfort in any number of ways. I would personally freak and run, because that's how I handle uncertain situations - she may not. I would think if she resented any of this, she'd probably ignore me. I do expect her to be confused, which is why I told her after she said she liked the gift that I would talk to her after she graduates. I've been VERY patient (as you can see by me basically torturing myself to give her space and time). So I only see it fair that she eventually give me some kind of answer if she really cares and respects my feelings. I agree with papercut, it was a non-confrontational rejection. I doubt she will ever come right out and say "I don't want to date you." Instead, she's choosing to ignore your letter and pretend like it never happened. But bottom line is she isn't interested in you, and I'm not sure why you think you need an "official answer" when her answer is pretty obvious. She called you up & asked you for help because she knows you have feelings for her & will likely drop everything to help her with whatever she needs. It's not just me, others I've talked to, both girls and guys (including some on here as you can see) know that she owes me some kind of answer. Your view of this is assuming that she's cold and doesn't care at all, which I can tell you after being friends with her for 3 1/2 yrs is very far from the truth. I'm not doubting that she may be pretending that the letter never happened, but the fact is that's on her. I'm sitting here hurting, that's the most obvious thing out of any of this, so if she really cares, she'd tell me. It's one of the reasons people have told me not to worry as much because that's true, and she's kept in contact with me. thanks! I'm happy to try to help I've read all the response here and there's been really good advice... now it's up to you. We can offer our perspective but we don't know you or her... or how you really feel about her. It's obvious she means a lot to you... and I'm sure you mean a lot to her too... but some things just can't be forced. I think if you can be a little more patient she may just come around... or she may not... but demanding to know how she feels right now will most likely backfire. I know it's hard... but time is all you've got. So either you wait it out a bit or you risk losing her for good if you try to pressure her. Again... this is only my perspective on the situation.. so hang in there ok? I'm being as patient as I can. My plan was to give her space (which is another thing I'm confused about, I dunno how often I should initiate contact with her, like random, friendly texts. Do I do that as to avoid the falling out of touch with her as I was worried about, or do I stay as silent as possible and when she graduates and is happy she thinks "Wow...where did he go?" It's why I posted the thing about her saying "Why didn't you tell me you got a new job!?"). So as I said above, I'm basically torturing myself because I believe deep down somewhere she still cares and I have a chance. But I can't keep doing this forever, which is why she needs to eventually answer me. After she graduates, she's staying there for the next 2-3 months because she can only afford one apartment, so I plan on visiting her a lot, where I'll probably turn things up to as high as possible. I'm assuming at this point since she didn't reject me, I should only take it as her allowing me to be more aggressive in pursuing her, yes? But how so?
tkgirl Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I would think if she resented any of this, she'd probably ignore me. I do expect her to be confused, which is why I told her after she said she liked the gift that I would talk to her after she graduates. I've been VERY patient (as you can see by me basically torturing myself to give her space and time). So I only see it fair that she eventually give me some kind of answer if she really cares and respects my feelings. It's not just me, others I've talked to, both girls and guys (including some on here as you can see) know that she owes me some kind of answer. Your view of this is assuming that she's cold and doesn't care at all, which I can tell you after being friends with her for 3 1/2 yrs is very far from the truth. I'm not doubting that she may be pretending that the letter never happened, but the fact is that's on her. I'm sitting here hurting, that's the most obvious thing out of any of this, so if she really cares, she'd tell me. It's one of the reasons people have told me not to worry as much because that's true, and she's kept in contact with me. I'm being as patient as I can. My plan was to give her space (which is another thing I'm confused about, I dunno how often I should initiate contact with her, like random, friendly texts. Do I do that as to avoid the falling out of touch with her as I was worried about, or do I stay as silent as possible and when she graduates and is happy she thinks "Wow...where did he go?" It's why I posted the thing about her saying "Why didn't you tell me you got a new job!?"). So as I said above, I'm basically torturing myself because I believe deep down somewhere she still cares and I have a chance. But I can't keep doing this forever, which is why she needs to eventually answer me. After she graduates, she's staying there for the next 2-3 months because she can only afford one apartment, so I plan on visiting her a lot, where I'll probably turn things up to as high as possible. I'm assuming at this point since she didn't reject me, I should only take it as her allowing me to be more aggressive in pursuing her, yes? But how so? you've been friends with her for 3 1/2 years... when did your feelings change towards her? have you thought about it for a long time? maybe deciding whether or not you should say something to her.. and how you were going to say it? what I'm getting at is basically you are on a different timeline than her... as far as she knew, you guys were both happy with being friends.. until you poured your heart out to her. Sure, she isn't handling it the best but she's probably still in shock. At the same time, I think you have every right... in a NON-confrontational way... to ask her if you two could talk about it more. It's not fair to you to be in the dark any longer...
Author xRJ85x Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 you've been friends with her for 3 1/2 years... when did your feelings change towards her? have you thought about it for a long time? maybe deciding whether or not you should say something to her.. and how you were going to say it? what I'm getting at is basically you are on a different timeline than her... as far as she knew, you guys were both happy with being friends.. until you poured your heart out to her. Sure, she isn't handling it the best but she's probably still in shock. At the same time, I think you have every right... in a NON-confrontational way... to ask her if you two could talk about it more. It's not fair to you to be in the dark any longer... We had gone off and on, like small sparks of chemistry for the first 2 1/2 years (basically through college) but nothing really manifested from it. I graduated, and she called me and told me she missed me and tried to keep in touch 2-3 times a month. It was when I went out to visit her a couple times last September that I realized how much I really missed her. I tried hard to keep going out and visiting and keeping in touch with her, but had little success. So everyone told me I had to let her know how I felt. Keep in mind that she started talking to me much less long before I told her how I felt. Here's actually a perfect example right here of why I've lost it: She's on Facebook right now trading wall posts and videos with a few friends. She was on Facebook talking to another friend last night. When I called her, she didn't pick up, but she text msg'd me back when I text'd her later on. Her status said "Doing job applications."
carhill Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 OP, here's something to think about. You know when you began to see her as a romantic and/or sexual prospect. You know when that happened for you. You may think you surprised her with this letter, but IMO you really didn't. If you've been friends like you say, she's likely known/sensed/felt your attraction for a good long while. Women have really accurate instincts about this stuff, IME. If I'm right, and I've experienced a lot of this with female 'friends', she's become used to your dynamic and friendship 'style' and, if current events are any example, is comfortable with a platonic status-quo relationship. You're unbalanced, but you know you've been unbalanced, attraction-wise, for a good long while now, right? I'd love to see you sail off together into the sunset, but somehow I don't see that happening. Call it instinct. Call it experience. Call it wrong. Happy to be wrong.
Author xRJ85x Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 OP, here's something to think about. You know when you began to see her as a romantic and/or sexual prospect. You know when that happened for you. You may think you surprised her with this letter, but IMO you really didn't. If you've been friends like you say, she's likely known/sensed/felt your attraction for a good long while. Women have really accurate instincts about this stuff, IME. If I'm right, and I've experienced a lot of this with female 'friends', she's become used to your dynamic and friendship 'style' and, if current events are any example, is comfortable with a platonic status-quo relationship. You're unbalanced, but you know you've been unbalanced, attraction-wise, for a good long while now, right? I'd love to see you sail off together into the sunset, but somehow I don't see that happening. Call it instinct. Call it experience. Call it wrong. Happy to be wrong. About a year, yes. But honestly I didn't do anything different than any other close friend would do. I thought I did, but then I talked to my stepsister, and she told me the things I did with her were things that she did, even while she was in a relationship with her current bf. So the way I see it, it really didn't give her any different indication.
tkgirl Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 OP, here's something to think about. You know when you began to see her as a romantic and/or sexual prospect. You know when that happened for you. You may think you surprised her with this letter, but IMO you really didn't. If you've been friends like you say, she's likely known/sensed/felt your attraction for a good long while. Women have really accurate instincts about this stuff, IME. If I'm right, and I've experienced a lot of this with female 'friends', she's become used to your dynamic and friendship 'style' and, if current events are any example, is comfortable with a platonic status-quo relationship. You're unbalanced, but you know you've been unbalanced, attraction-wise, for a good long while now, right? I'd love to see you sail off together into the sunset, but somehow I don't see that happening. Call it instinct. Call it experience. Call it wrong. Happy to be wrong. Carhill is probably right... he's a pretty smart dude! she probably did know you had stronger feelings for her.. but until you actually said something, she didn't know for sure... But now everythings changed.. she can't keep pretending it hasn't. I understand your frustrated... that's why you have to talk to her! Or else you're just going to keep reading too much into everything... what she's doing on facebook, wondering why she does or doesn't text you back... all that stuff is only going to drive you more and more crazy... TALK TO HER!!!
Author xRJ85x Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 Carhill is probably right... he's a pretty smart dude! she probably did know you had stronger feelings for her.. but until you actually said something, she didn't know for sure... But now everythings changed.. she can't keep pretending it hasn't. I understand your frustrated... that's why you have to talk to her! Or else you're just going to keep reading too much into everything... what she's doing on facebook, wondering why she does or doesn't text you back... all that stuff is only going to drive you more and more crazy... TALK TO HER!!! Am I overreacting or do I have a right to be pissed? Because this whole time the thing I've been telling myself the most is "Don't jump the gun because you honestly have no idea if she's being honest or just playing you."
tkgirl Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 (edited) Am I overreacting or do I have a right to be pissed? Because this whole time the thing I've been telling myself the most is "Don't jump the gun because you honestly have no idea if she's being honest or just playing you." whether or not you should be pissed is irrelevant... you ARE pissed! I've learned you can't question your feelings... feelings are the real truth... there's a good reason for them. Now all you just have to figure out what to do with them. I think if you can talk to her and not get mad, well, that would be the best... but if you do you do. But you need to have an honest open conversation with her.. and really listen to what she has to say. Make her talk to you! Edited April 22, 2010 by tkgirl
Author xRJ85x Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 whether or not you should be pissed is irrelevant... you ARE pissed! I've learned you can't question your feelings... feelings are the real truth... there's a good reason for them. Now all you just have to figure out what to do with them. I think if you can talk to her and not get mad, well, that would be the best... but if you do you do. But you need to have an honest open conversation with her.. and really listen to what she has to say. Make her talk to you! Yea, but that's why I wanna know from an objective point of view. I've been known to be too possessive in the past, and while I've tried really hard to stop that, I think this is the reason I'm pissed: because I'm not getting as much attention. But I wanna know if that's true or not. A couple friends said I should stop looking at her Facebook because if I flip out now, and confront her, it'll screw me over. I intended to talk to her in person too, so I need to see her.
tkgirl Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Yea, but that's why I wanna know from an objective point of view. I've been known to be too possessive in the past, and while I've tried really hard to stop that, I think this is the reason I'm pissed: because I'm not getting as much attention. But I wanna know if that's true or not. A couple friends said I should stop looking at her Facebook because if I flip out now, and confront her, it'll screw me over. I intended to talk to her in person too, so I need to see her. hmmm.. yeah, I can get like that to.. when things don't the way I think they should I get frustrated. Then I think it's up to me to make things happen the way I want... I try to control too much. Thing is, you can't control everything and you can't control anybody else... you can only control yourself and how you react to stuff. I know this is all basic knowledge but sometimes we need to be reminded of that fact.. I know I have to still remind myself now and then! anyho... can you call her tonight? if not, call her tomorrow... set up a time you two can talk.. seriously, you won't get anywhere unless you can get this ALL out in the open once and for all... like the old Nike commercials... JUST DO IT! good luck!
Author xRJ85x Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 hmmm.. yeah, I can get like that to.. when things don't the way I think they should I get frustrated. Then I think it's up to me to make things happen the way I want... I try to control too much. Thing is, you can't control everything and you can't control anybody else... you can only control yourself and how you react to stuff. I know this is all basic knowledge but sometimes we need to be reminded of that fact.. I know I have to still remind myself now and then! anyho... can you call her tonight? if not, call her tomorrow... set up a time you two can talk.. seriously, you won't get anywhere unless you can get this ALL out in the open once and for all... like the old Nike commercials... JUST DO IT! good luck! Thanks tk, you've been just as supportive as my best friends have tonight. I won't get to talk to her for the next few days. I work at night, and she goes to sleep at 10 because she has to wake up at 5 to student teach. Then she has her Praxis exam (teacher cert exam) and then work on Saturday. Sunday she may be up at her school moving things for renovations. I told her to let me know how it goes (in other words !@#$ CALL ME!!!) So I guess I'll base things off that. Who knows, that one little phone call from her may change the opinion on things just like last week's call did. Plus I'm going out with another girl I just met on Saturday, so I'm praying that will ease me down if anything. But I think I'm gonna start off by reminding her about all the times she called me and looked to me for support and simply asking her "What did that all mean to you?" I'll hand her the deck and let her lay all the cards on the table. Obviously my job here is to make her think about and see what I really mean to her before she makes her decision.
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