Should i be pissed

[femaletroubles]

Ok so basically we spend A LOT of time together, A LOT. probably too much (both in school together)

So today, she just starts packing up her stuff, without telling me what she's doing so i say"whats going on?" she says "i'm going home"

ok cool, her dad came to visit, that's great. but #1 she didn't even say anything, she just started packing up without saying anything. (i should have sat there and not moved until she told me what she was doing?)

so i put my stuff away and walk out of the room with her, i ask her if she wants a ride to her car (she parked farther away) she says "no, i'm good"

mistake #2 i should have said ok and left her, but being a nice guy, i start to walk towards her car, which is somewhat out of the way from mine

she asks "what are you doing?" i reply "walking out with you, i like a little walk with you" she says "you don't need to i'm good" (i hate it when she says "i'm good" it pisses me OFF SOOOOO MUCH)

I then ask "is everything ok?" she replies "yes" but in an agitated kind of way

i say have a nice night, she say you too, and then i walked off towards my car

 

Now should i be mad at the way she was? was it rude of her to pack up without saying first, i'm leaving? was it rude of her to say "I'm good" when i was going to walk her to her car?

 

if she calls tonight, should i ignore the call? turn off my phone?

i feel like i should act more distant, or maybe not have her know where i am/be unreachable a bit more. I feel like she just takes everything i do for grant-it.

 

what should i do?

[femaletroubles]

i think i should be less clingy, or more importantly i should care less?

looking back on past relationships, i tend to like the person more than they end up liking me, i think i need to care/love less that way stuff like this doesn't bother me

 

maybe i should have just said "ok, have a nice night" not gotten up, not have made an effort to be a good BF

 

if this is the type of girl she is, then i need to stop being so caring/thoughtful. but then she gets made at me if i go get something (food etc) for myself without asking her if she wants something??

 

too much of a princess?

[carhill]

what should i do?

 

Date a less immature young lady. BTW, I've met some ladies my age who are like that. It knows no age bracket.

 

The lesson is, at the first sign of this behavior, exit. Don't look back. Someone who behaves like that isn't even a friend, much less a girlfriend or romantic interest. Spend your valuable time and energy on more productive things and appreciative people

[sagetalk]

You sound like a girl. Tell her, "Enjoy yourself and I'll call you later". Why does it have to be dramatic? If you like living your life like this, great, but I think you are making a big deal out of nothing. Get some stuff in your life besides her (not other women) and have fun.

[123BeachFan]

Did you guys have any sort of argument that happened before all of this?

[carhill]

Wait... I thought this lady was his girlfriend....OP?

 

I mean, seriously, friend's wives treat me better than he's relating here, and I just keep their husbands out of trouble. The younger generation just baffles me...

[BlueeyedJonesy]

sounds like something is wrong and she doesn't want to talk about it. If I get furious with my H I would just rather not talk for about 4 hours then..I calm down and can think a little more clear..know what I'm saying? I could be wrong but it sounds like there is something she isn't saying...

[sagetalk]

The younger generation just baffles me...

 

I'm part of that generation and they baffle me as well .

[In-The-Wheat]

I'd watch out man... same thing happened to me. The girl I was dating just out of no where started acting cold/distant one day before walking to classes. I still don't know what exactly triggered it. I thought it had to do with her stress from classes/projects so I didn't think much of it and brushed it off. The rest of that week I just continued on as I normally would do (calling, texting, wanting to hang out, etc.) and she just continued to pull away until she eventually texted me saying "things aren't working out" & and now we have been split for a couple weeks with her ignoring my early attempts at trying to talk about it/work it out.

 

Don't make the same mistake I did by pressing the issue... Start to pull away as well & she'll probably start to miss you. When she comes back is when you need to talk & figure out what happened. Give her some time while going home... maybe something happened in her family and she's upset and doesn't trust you enough yet to open up about it. I wouldn't call/text her tonight. Let her contact you. You've already put yourself out there to try and help & she rejected it.

 

Believe me, you sound a lot like myself about getting close to someone quickly and then pressing issues. I'm working on it while away from this girl, maybe you should during this time as well. Don't mess it up by not giving her the space she needs.

 

Best of luck.

[femaletroubles]

You sound like a girl. Tell her, "Enjoy yourself and I'll call you later". Why does it have to be dramatic? If you like living your life like this, great, but I think you are making a big deal out of nothing. Get some stuff in your life besides her (not other women) and have fun.

 

haha no, i am a guy

 

i think that's right i'm just going to let it roll off, w/e i guess

 

she did get mad at me earlier in the afternoon, she asked me why i had something she didn't, i said "i have an answer but i'm not sure if you'll like it. you're welcome to anything i have" bc her friend was in the room, and i didn't want to say it was bc we had split up and we weren't talking (she doesn't want to put the fact that we're dating on FB because she doesn't want the whole world knowing her business...her words exactly, which i don't like and always makes me feel like theres someone else. ) i told her why i said that on AIM, but she was still pissed off.

 

eventually she calmed down, but she was still annoyed. I told her she's welcome to anything i have, she replies her "I'm good i have amazon.com"

 

drama queen this one is

[carhill]

Oh, yeah, date someone else. I get just reading this stuff. Yikes...

[femaletroubles]

I'd watch out man... same thing happened to me. The girl I was dating just out of no where started acting cold/distant one day before walking to classes. I still don't know what exactly triggered it. I thought it had to do with her stress from classes/projects so I didn't think much of it and brushed it off. The rest of that week I just continued on as I normally would do (calling, texting, wanting to hang out, etc.) and she just continued to pull away until she eventually texted me saying "things aren't working out" & and now we have been split for a couple weeks with her ignoring my early attempts at trying to talk about it/work it out.

 

Don't make the same mistake I did by pressing the issue... Start to pull away as well & she'll probably start to miss you. When she comes back is when you need to talk & figure out what happened. Give her some time while going home... maybe something happened in her family and she's upset and doesn't trust you enough yet to open up about it. I wouldn't call/text her tonight. Let her contact you. You've already put yourself out there to try and help & she rejected it.

 

Believe me, you sound a lot like myself about getting close to someone quickly and then pressing issues. I'm working on it while away from this girl, maybe you should during this time as well. Don't mess it up by not giving her the space she needs.

 

Best of luck.

 

this is PERFECT advise, thanks

i have NOT texted her, or called her, and i don't think i'm going to pick up even if she calls

 

she said that the last time "i don't think we're working out" literally those same words. the first time i said, i don't know what you're talking about, tell me what's wrong.

 

The second time i said, cool enjoy your life, bye. Then a month later she comes back saying she missed me etc.. i didn't get back together with her right away, waited a few weeks.

 

I'm just going to leave her alone for a while. no calls, don't even know if i'll show up at school tomorrow (no classes, just studying tomorrow) maybe i should go unreachable?

 

You're right, she needs to miss me more. if she doesn't...ok cool enjoy life i guess

[femaletroubles]

Wait... I thought this lady was his girlfriend....OP?

 

I mean, seriously, friend's wives treat me better than he's relating here, and I just keep their husbands out of trouble. The younger generation just baffles me...

 

yes, GF

 

Oh, yeah, date someone else. I get just reading this stuff. Yikes...

 

yes, i think it might soon come to that. She doesn't appreciate me enough

i'll give some space for now.

 

Anyone,if she calls should i bother picking up? (don't think she will)

When she does call tomorrow, should i bother picking up or not? (we have an exam on thursday we're studying for) maybe i should just do my own thing?

[carhill]

When she does call tomorrow, should i bother picking up or not?

Up to you. I wouldn't, but I tend to sound like a 'girl' around here

 

Assuming her 'picking up her stuff' was part of the 'breakup' process, I can't think of one good reason to have any further contact with her. You're not married and she has her stuff. Clean. Next

[femaletroubles]

Up to you. I wouldn't, but I tend to sound like a 'girl' around here

 

Assuming her 'picking up her stuff' was part of the 'breakup' process, I can't think of one good reason to have any further contact with her. You're not married and she has her stuff. Clean. Next

 

wasn''t her things from my house, just her books and study stuff. but she just started packing it all up without looking at me, without saying a word etc until i asked what she's doing

 

this is 4-5 hours after she had gotten pissed, then we sat there and studied. she not saying a word to me really. passively pissed lol

[femaletroubles]

lol "Clean. Next" LMAO

[carhill]

You have to understand, I'm going through a divorce. In comparison, I'm envious of your situation

[femaletroubles]

You have to understand, I'm going through a divorce. In comparison, I'm envious of your situation

 

ouch sorry to hear that, i hope you come out with more than 50% of the stuff...because IMO that's who wins lol

 

seriously, hope it works out, there are PLENTY of (better) women in the world

[In-The-Wheat]

this is PERFECT advise, thanks

i have NOT texted her, or called her, and i don't think i'm going to pick up even if she calls

 

she said that the last time "i don't think we're working out" literally those same words. the first time i said, i don't know what you're talking about, tell me what's wrong.

 

The second time i said, cool enjoy your life, bye. Then a month later she comes back saying she missed me etc.. i didn't get back together with her right away, waited a few weeks.

 

I'm just going to leave her alone for a while. no calls, don't even know if i'll show up at school tomorrow (no classes, just studying tomorrow) maybe i should go unreachable?

 

You're right, she needs to miss me more. if she doesn't...ok cool enjoy life i guess

 

Glad I could help.. I only dated this girl for a little over a month, but we fell for each other, it was obvious (maybe me a little more than her). And then I just handled it wrong when she was upset & continued to essentially suffocate her.

 

Don't do what I did - I should have handled it the same you you did the first time - just said peace out. But no, emotions blinded my logic and I basically emailed her after that text because she didn't want to talk. It contained stuff like I cared, wanted to work it out, its immature you can't talk to me, blah blah blah... Obviously nothing back. A few nights later I dropped off her stuff with a note saying "it was fun while it lasted. If you wanna call or get together for whatever reason, you know how to reach me". So I went NC for a week, saw her going to class and figured I handled it wrong. Tried to knock on her door (either not there or ignored), then just apologized through a PM on facebook and said "I should have gave you space no matter what the issue was" & "maybe we can reconnect someday" & to leave the door open I guess. Even tried to re-friend her on FB and she denied it.

 

Now I have found out she is already dating another guy (unsure of who - doesn't really matter i guess) and have been no contact for 2 weeks. Maybe she will come around - who knows. I was great to her, so she just might realize that, miss it, and return. Until then I am bettering myself and trying not to pine.

 

DON'T DO WHAT I DID!

 

I'm guessing you are both like juniors or sophomores?

Edited April 21, 2010 by In-The-Wheat

[femaletroubles]

Glad I could help.. I only dated this girl for a little over a month, but we fell for each other, it was obvious (maybe me a little more than her). And then I just handled it wrong when she was upset & continued to essentially suffocate her.

 

Don't do what I did - I should have handled it the same you you did the first time - just said peace out. But no, emotions blinded my logic and I basically emailed her after that text because she didn't want to talk. It contained stuff like I cared, wanted to work it out, its immature you can't talk to me, blah blah blah... Obviously nothing back. A few nights later I dropped off her stuff with a note saying "it was fun while it lasted. If you wanna call or get together for whatever reason, you know how to reach me". So I went NC for a week, saw her going to class and figured I handled it wrong. Tried to knock on her door (either not there or ignored), then just apologized through a PM on facebook and said "I should have gave you space no matter what the issue was" & "maybe we can reconnect someday" & to leave the door open I guess. Even tried to re-friend her on FB and she denied it.

 

Now I have found out she is already dating another guy (unsure of who - doesn't really matter i guess) and have been no contact for 2 weeks. Maybe she will come around - who knows. I was great to her, so she just might realize that, miss it, and return. Until then I am bettering myself and trying not to pine.

 

DON'T DO WHAT I DID!

 

I'm guessing you are both like juniors or sophomores?

 

yeah, i learned your lesson in one of my relationships in college. Women like real men, real men don't pine after women like that. So basically my philosophy now is "if you want to talk to me about it, and fix it then fine w/e" if we have a fight, i just say w/e and walk away and do what i want. eventually she'll say something along the lines of "hey i can't believe you did that blah blah and want to fix it" if not, cool, plenty of fish out there

 

i'm actually in grad school, going to be a doctor in a few years!!

[femaletroubles]

Glad I could help.. I only dated this girl for a little over a month, but we fell for each other, it was obvious (maybe me a little more than her). And then I just handled it wrong when she was upset & continued to essentially suffocate her.

 

Don't do what I did - I should have handled it the same you you did the first time - just said peace out. But no, emotions blinded my logic and I basically emailed her after that text because she didn't want to talk. It contained stuff like I cared, wanted to work it out, its immature you can't talk to me, blah blah blah... Obviously nothing back. A few nights later I dropped off her stuff with a note saying "it was fun while it lasted. If you wanna call or get together for whatever reason, you know how to reach me". So I went NC for a week, saw her going to class and figured I handled it wrong. Tried to knock on her door (either not there or ignored), then just apologized through a PM on facebook and said "I should have gave you space no matter what the issue was" & "maybe we can reconnect someday" & to leave the door open I guess. Even tried to re-friend her on FB and she denied it.

 

Now I have found out she is already dating another guy (unsure of who - doesn't really matter i guess) and have been no contact for 2 weeks. Maybe she will come around - who knows. I was great to her, so she just might realize that, miss it, and return. Until then I am bettering myself and trying not to pine.

 

DON'T DO WHAT I DID!

 

I'm guessing you are both like juniors or sophomores?

 

if i could offer some advise (idk if i'm the best person to, but im going to anyways)

if i were you i would

1. spend more time studying (the time you spent with her)

2. go out partying with your male friends

 

Now if you want her back

3. DO NOT CALL HER, DO NOT TEXT HER, DO NOT TALK TO HER, ACT LIKE SHE DOESN'T EXIST. (basically like she's not worth your time and that you didn't skip a beat after she left)

4. meet and bed a few other women (she's doing it already, so you're loosing the breakup)

5. find a new GF (rebound) to make her jealous

6. make sure she sees/hears about you with girl X, and that girl X is hotter/better than her etc

 

trust me, when ex women see or hear about you with a new girl, they will want you just because they can no longer have you. it's not rational, they may not even like/love you but they want what they can't have anymore.

 

my current GF (former ex) made the comment "i hate the girl you were with" w/o even knowing who she was. she was MAD jealous. now that we're back together, she's loosing interest again.

[In-The-Wheat]

if i could offer some advise (idk if i'm the best person to, but im going to anyways)

if i were you i would

1. spend more time studying (the time you spent with her)

2. go out partying with your male friends

 

Now if you want her back

3. DO NOT CALL HER, DO NOT TEXT HER, DO NOT TALK TO HER, ACT LIKE SHE DOESN'T EXIST. (basically like she's not worth your time and that you didn't skip a beat after she left)

4. meet and bed a few other women (she's doing it already, so you're loosing the breakup)

5. find a new GF (rebound) to make her jealous

6. make sure she sees/hears about you with girl X, and that girl X is hotter/better than her etc

 

trust me, when ex women see or hear about you with a new girl, they will want you just because they can no longer have you. it's not rational, they may not even like/love you but they want what they can't have anymore.

 

my current GF (former ex) made the comment "i hate the girl you were with" w/o even knowing who she was. she was MAD jealous. now that we're back together, she's loosing interest again.

 

 

Great stuff man. Its nice to find someone who has been through the exact same sh*t practically. I've definitely been doing 1, 2, keeping strong on 3 and have done 4 (though not so great as I was thinking about the ex). Also will start trying to learn italian like i had planned on.

 

I also have a girl in mind that I met at the same time I met my ex. She's really cute and seems to be into me (I hadn't seen her in like 3 weeks since giving me her number, and one night out she sees me, waves and says hi). She also WORKS with my ex though - good or bad thing? I would like to ask her out, but I'll be outta town this weekend. Maybe lunch/coffee or something Friday after classes...?

 

If you want to keep in touch about our issues you can email me at my generic yahoo address. its [email protected]. from there i'll give you the address I use daily.

[carhill]

ouch sorry to hear that, i hope you come out with more than 50% of the stuff...because IMO that's who wins lol

 

seriously, hope it works out, there are PLENTY of (better) women in the world

Thanks, and this might be constructive.... I have my sanity, and that's far more than 50% to me. Hope things work out for you

[EthanH]

sheesh,

 

there seems to be a lot of people on here who are college students going through the same thing...

 

one thing that jumped out at me, is that you say you spend too much together, but you don't act on that. Look at how you acted, you literally followed her around (to her car) like a puppy. You need to stop that. It might seem now, but if you like this girl, STOP and remember what girls of her age want, yes they want comfort, they are away from home and everything they took for granted as comfort before, but they also want a MAN. Honestly, I cannot stress how much you need to remember this, it should be in your head every second you are with her... I wish I had felt this when I was dating my ex, if I had, I truly believe I would still be with her.

 

I would be willing to bet that she has done this 'shutting off' thing before, it is very immature if you ask me, but it is also a power thing, but I bet you acted the same way, and so she knows she can get away with it. Turn things round, make it so that if she is going away, she has to run around to be able to say goodbye to you...think about how she must see you now, she thinks you are walking around moping because she isn't there... that isn't healthy.

 

Also, if you are in halls together, make sure you do your own thing. Have your own group of friends. Spend a big chunk of time with other people. In essence, have your own life. If not, you will lose her, and yourself. Can I make a wild guess and make a prediction that when you go out for a night at college, most of the time you go out with her (on your own or in a group of friends) ?

[femaletroubles]

and now she calls me, and tells me to put stuff in the room next to her, to save it for her. She doesn't want to study with me in the study room i'm in??

seriously THAT PISSED me OFF

 

So after months of studying together, All of a sudden she wants to study by herself? I think i should just break it off with her, it's going to happen anyway?