JeSuisJoelle Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 He wants you, yes? A man wanting a woman feels very good. But, do not get caught. Some wives can be right bitches as if you are a piece of nonsense.
ADF Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Stop. Right. Now. Having an affair with a married man is a comtempible act. Don't go there. If you are having "hassles" with your BF, there are plenty of reasonable ways of dealing with that. Having an affair with a married man behind his back isn't one of them. Plus, what did this MMs poor wife ever do to you that she deserves to be betrayed by you? I'm sorry, but you seriously need to adjust your moral compass.
BB07 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I have tried to talk to him, but I think its partly because he's 14 years older and he just cant stop being so jealous, he knows its ruining us but he just cant help himself, i've done everything his way for 7 years, hardly gone out and changed my dress etc. Think your right though I am going to have a chat with him, its make or break. Thank you so much for your response, Just feel like i'm pulling my hair out Jealousy such as you describe is a sickness........a very bad sickness. It's not normal, it's not OK and you can't reason with or make it all right. Jealousy such as this is also a key sign of emotional or physically abusive behavior, either going on right now or in the future. (LOOK it UP) The sooner you realize that it's a big issue with him that you CAN NOT do anything about, you will see you need to get out. Don't do what he has been accusing you of doing.....it will just bring you lower than you already are. Being with someone like this.......damages you.
GaLwAyGiRL Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Don't do it..you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
stace79 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Iv'e been going through mega hassle with my BF, and although I know Its wrong I met another guy for a drink the other day, the only thing is, he is married, iv'e felt attracted to him for a long time but never acted on this, but now he told me he feels the same and there are definitely sparks between us, I know it wouldn't really be anything more than a physical thing, which where I am at this time in my life suits me, the only thing is, I feel guilty about his wife......can anyone who has been here tell me if this is just a disaster waiting to happen or can it be a harmless casual affair??? You have a boyfriend, and you're asking if it's okay to have an affair with a married man? Is this for real or just some troll post? IF you are for real (and I pray to God you're not serious), then NO, it is not okay. If you want to sleep around with other people, married or not, then why do you have a boyfriend?
Stung Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 He wants you, yes? A man wanting a woman feels very good. But, do not get caught. Some wives can be right bitches as if you are a piece of nonsense. Those ridiculous women, getting their panties in a twist just because their husbands/fathers of their children lie to and betray them with cold-hearted strangers. Must be hormonal
stace79 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Those ridiculous women, getting their panties in a twist just because their husbands/fathers of their children lie to and betray them with cold-hearted strangers. Must be hormonal In Biblical times, adulterers were stoned to death. I'm not sure I disagree with that punishment.
Mutant Debutante Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 In Biblical times, adulterers were stoned to death. I'm not sure I disagree with that punishment. Well, I can't agree with stoning anyone to death, as I'm sure you wouldn't IRL either. As a general rule I like to stay well clear of Biblical justice, which IMO got pretty wacky. I do know that life offers many shades of grey and sometimes adultery is a truly complex situation with heartbreak all around. However, I do obviously agree that adultery is wrong, on multiple levels, and I found the PP's callous remark about how 'bitchy' betrayed wives get extremely trivializing. When a couple have agreed to a monogamous commitment and pledged their lives and futures to each other, adultery is pure betrayal, a realm of heartbreak, extreme painful emotion. It can open doors to divorce, alter an adult's perception of his/her ability to read people and believe in love, change a child's world forever. Entering into this for fun, frivolity, to feel sexy---is selfish, and cold.
stace79 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Well, I can't agree with stoning anyone to death, as I'm sure you wouldn't IRL either. As a general rule I like to stay well clear of Biblical justice, which IMO got pretty wacky. I do know that life offers many shades of grey and sometimes adultery is a truly complex situation with heartbreak all around. However, I do obviously agree that adultery is wrong, on multiple levels, and I found the PP's callous remark about how 'bitchy' betrayed wives get extremely trivializing. When a couple have agreed to a monogamous commitment and pledged their lives and futures to each other, adultery is pure betrayal, a realm of heartbreak, extreme painful emotion. It can open doors to divorce, alter an adult's perception of his/her ability to read people and believe in love, change a child's world forever. Entering into this for fun, frivolity, to feel sexy---is selfish, and cold. Agreed. There is NO circumstance under which adultery is ever okay - and this falls on both the married person as well as the other man/woman.
MadMission Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Gemmi, I am just curious. How would you feel if your bf was having drinks with and flirting with some cute girl...then couldn't stop thinking about her...desired her...wanted to have sex with her...you know, just a little fun. Then, next time they have drinks, they get a room or climb into the back of her van, he puts his hands all over her, she sucks his d**k, he goes down on her, he f**ks her. Lays in her arms. He cleans himself up...maybe they shower together. Then he comes home to you...kisses you...touches you...and gives you your sloppy seconds that night. How would YOU feel? Put yourself in your bf's shoes. Don't do this to him. And, trust me, that is NOTHING compared to how this MM's wife would feel.
Lovelybird Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 No defo wont fall for him, I dont want that, I just want some fun and I suppose to be made to feel sexy blah blah blah!! Just dont know if my conscience will get the better of me! everything you get comes with a price. The fun you mentioned here comes with a BIG PRICE. Fun = guilt, low self-esteem, possibly mentally be messed up by the married man Usually person with low self-esteem has hard time to have a good romantic relationship. But low self-esteem will not be cured by men's attentions. Seeking another man's attention might temporarily make you feel good (and always with a price you have to pay), but do you plan to seek another man's attention whenever you feel bad about yourself and your relationship? what havoc would that be ! Concentrate on your relationship and self may be painful right now, but it will reward you later and in your whole life.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Those ridiculous women, getting their panties in a twist just because their husbands/fathers of their children lie to and betray them with cold-hearted strangers. Must be hormonal Good one. Lets call this post like it is. "Me, me me". OP, you *know* this isn't just a harmless causual affair. Or you wouldn't have asked. Please don't do this. The world is not about you and what your feeling and your needs. There are other people invovled.
seibert253 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 everything you get comes with a price. The fun you mentioned here comes with a BIG PRICE. Fun = guilt, low self-esteem, possibly mentally be messed up by the married man Usually person with low self-esteem has hard time to have a good romantic relationship. But low self-esteem will not be cured by men's attentions. Seeking another man's attention might temporarily make you feel good (and always with a price you have to pay), but do you plan to seek another man's attention whenever you feel bad about yourself and your relationship? what havoc would that be ! Concentrate on your relationship and self may be painful right now, but it will reward you later and in your whole life. Well said. A fleating moment of sinful pleasure usually results in a lifetime of pain and regret.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I know what your saying, andIi have been honest and loyal for nearly 7 years, I love my BF so much but his jealousy and constant controlling has done my head in, its like I want to prove him right....I dont know why, how can twp people be so in love but fall apart with there being no way of fixing it Well, for starters there are ways of fixing it. First you have to take responsibility for your end of the relationship. If cheating is your way at fuelling some passive-agressive stance towards him you seriously need to look at that. Are you with someone controlling and jealous because it is what has been modelled to you? What are your parents like? Are they both honest in their feelings with each other. I suspect not. By messing around with a married guy you are choosing not to respect yourself. If you want to have fun, go have it. If you want to screen and have some NSA fun then try out a few different venues instead of the married guy. I understand the rush it might give, but often people get carried away by that and forget the real consequences. And in this case, there are many. The relationship that you are trying to re-establish control of, will be bankrupt of some of the things you bring to it (i.e. loyalty and respect). You also will feel a bit of a rush of fun, it may become risky and consuming. You will also feel on-edge and uneasy with yourself and your choice if you have any kind of conscience. If you are too immature to have a conscience about it now, you may develop feelings of remorse later when you find someone cheats on you or you get married later on.
SavannahSmiles Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 lizzie, you can't wait to see who wins? I seriously don't believe you are as old as you say you are... Sorry I'm late on seeing this, but blueeyedjonesy, I totally agree. Sounds like a teenager having fun on ls.
dazzle22 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 It sounds like you are in an emotionally abusive relationship that you are not ready to psychologically face up to, or to outright leave, so you are thinking of 'sabataging' it with an affair. Rather have the courage to possibly leave the relationship you are in, and don't link the two situations as 'problem' and 'cure'...
stillafool Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) Gemmi, another poster asked you why does your affair have to be with a married man? You didn't answer. I'm curious about that answer as well. You say you just want to sleep with someone to get back at your bf but why do you have to screw up another person's life to do this? There are plenty of single guys you could sleep with for revenge. Or, a better way to get revenge is to break up with your bf and find a new unmarried one who is secure. You might be happier with a man closer to your age. Edited April 30, 2010 by stillafool
Author Gemmi Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 It sounds like you are in an emotionally abusive relationship that you are not ready to psychologically face up to, or to outright leave, so you are thinking of 'sabataging' it with an affair. Rather have the courage to possibly leave the relationship you are in, and don't link the two situations as 'problem' and 'cure'... Well, I broke up with my bf on Monday after another jealous outburst, I knew it was now or never..I feel so alone and kinda strange not having someone to answer to but in my heart I think that I made the right decision, well I hope I have. I'm scared of the feelings that i'm about to face but know I have to face them.
Author Gemmi Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 Gemmi, another poster asked you why does your affair have to be with a married man? You didn't answer. I'm curious about that answer as well. You say you just want to sleep with someone to get back at your bf but why do you have to screw up another person's life to do this? There are plenty of single guys you could sleep with for revenge. Or, a better way to get revenge is to break up with your bf and find a new unmarried one who is secure. You might be happier with a man closer to your age. I didn't go out of my way to find a married man, I work with this guy and we became friendly etc and there was attraction there, I wasn't looking at at as revenge against my bf, I just didn't know what I was thinking really anyway its all over with us now, a 7 year relationship has finally ended, hope I made the right decision but I know jealousy is destructive. Thanks to all advice
dreamingoftigers Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Well hopefully you find someone new who does not have a ton of baggage they are hauling with them.
Lizzie60 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I didn't go out of my way to find a married man, I work with this guy and we became friendly etc and there was attraction there, I wasn't looking at at as revenge against my bf, I just didn't know what I was thinking really anyway its all over with us now, a 7 year relationship has finally ended, hope I made the right decision but I know jealousy is destructive. Thanks to all advice Good for you... you made the right decision.. trust me, jealousy is NOT good... only immature, selfish, controlling people with low self-esteem have jealousy issues... move on.. he's not right for you. Good luck !
Author Gemmi Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 Good for you... you made the right decision.. trust me, jealousy is NOT good... only immature, selfish, controlling people with low self-esteem have jealousy issues... move on.. he's not right for you. Good luck ! Hi Lizzie, Thank you, I have to keep reminding myself of all this everytime I start to miss him and feel down, I cant actually believe I let myself be controlled for so long, wake up time I think!!!
Author Gemmi Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 In Biblical times, adulterers were stoned to death. I'm not sure I disagree with that punishment. Are you for real??!!!!!
dazzle22 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Well, I broke up with my bf on Monday after another jealous outburst, I knew it was now or never..I feel so alone and kinda strange not having someone to answer to but in my heart I think that I made the right decision, well I hope I have. I'm scared of the feelings that i'm about to face but know I have to face them. Good for you. Stay strong, and don't buckle and go back. It was obvious to an outsider that this relationship was not good for you.
Author Gemmi Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 Good for you. Stay strong, and don't buckle and go back. It was obvious to an outsider that this relationship was not good for you. He called me last night after NC since Monday, he said that he missed me and that he would do whatever it takes to mnake our relationship work, I know he wants to mean it but I think in my heart he is unable to let go of his jealousy, anyway I said no, that I couldn't keep going round in circles, he was understanding which made it hurt even more, why do I feel like i've made the wrong decision? I hope I haven't.....this is so hard :-(
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