Gemmi Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Iv'e been going through mega hassle with my BF, and although I know Its wrong I met another guy for a drink the other day, the only thing is, he is married, iv'e felt attracted to him for a long time but never acted on this, but now he told me he feels the same and there are definitely sparks between us, I know it wouldn't really be anything more than a physical thing, which where I am at this time in my life suits me, the only thing is, I feel guilty about his wife......can anyone who has been here tell me if this is just a disaster waiting to happen or can it be a harmless casual affair???
norajane Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 (edited) Disaster waiting to happen. There's a whole forum here of men and women who have been the affair partner to a married man or woman (the OW/OM forum). http://www.loveshack.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=57 Read there, and you will see that an affair never turns out the way you think it will. Disaster after disaster after disaster, and heartbreak, low self-esteem, and people who thought it would be just a "casual" sex thing and fell in love with a man who will never leave his wife and now are so stuck in their emotions they can't leave the cheating bastard. There is NOTHING harmless about an affair, casual or otherwise! If you need entertainment, single men are a lot easier. And less morally and ethically questionable. Edited April 21, 2010 by norajane
reservoirdog1 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Well, if you're planning on trying to resolve the "mega hassle with your BF", fycking another guy is pretty low on the list of smart OR ethical things to do. And, since you already feel guilty about the married guy's wife and you haven't slobbered on his knob yet, try to imagine how much more guilty you feel once you HAVE done so. When either of you already has a significant other, "harmless" and "casual affair" can't exist in the same sentence. That should be bloody obvious.
jnd2009 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I agree with the others that have replied. I have done it (messed with MM, while with BF). It was only "fun sex only" no strings attached. We were friends to begin with, and I'm trying to keep it as only friends now. My BF and I have NOT had any problems, and I made sure that I didn't run to MM if bf and I got in a small arguement. Squeezing in another man, married or not, will only seperate you and your bf further. Even though it meant nothing, I still have some regrets about what I did, how my bf means so much to me yet I did that behind his back. And with his wife, that guilt will always be there, and once you start doing something with him it will become a bigger issue, bother you more, and it's yet another problem to worry about. Hope I helped. ps- having a drink is one thing. having sex is another. to have mm to talk to about problems may help, but don't seek out a relationship with him to fix it, only to talk to him. since you guys feel it may go further i suggest talk to someone else about your problems
carhill Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 If you compartmentalize and enjoy sport f*cking, it should be some harmless fun, for you and MM anyway. Do you want to string your BF along or break up with him first?
123BeachFan Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Gemmi, the only thing you'll get out of this is heartache, hassle, and frustration. This affair isn't harmless. It has great potential to do damage...you can get emotionally attached (resulting in your getting hurt), your BF can find out (hurting him), and/or the MM's wife can find out and also get hurt. And whether the wife or your BF discover the affair or they don't, they will suffer as a consequence of this affair. Call it quits now before you get naked with this man!
Author Gemmi Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 Thank you all for your advice, I know deep down its all wrong but I suppose I just convinced myself it would just be a bit of fun! I know I need to sort the issues out with BF but i'm just walking in circles at the moment
Lizzie60 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 If it's strictly for fun.. then yes.. but if you think you can fall for the MM.. then no... it's a dangerous slope..
Author Gemmi Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 If it's strictly for fun.. then yes.. but if you think you can fall for the MM.. then no... it's a dangerous slope.. No defo wont fall for him, I dont want that, I just want some fun and I suppose to be made to feel sexy blah blah blah!! Just dont know if my conscience will get the better of me!
Stung Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Everybody wants to have fun and feel sexy. Surely you can find a way to accomplish that which doesn't jeopardize somebody else's marriage. Try to deal with your problems with your boyfriend without selfishly dragging an entire other family into the fray. I'm sorry you're having so much trouble with your own relationship right now, but look to that first. Your conscience is already bugging you about this...listen to it.
Lizzie60 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 No defo wont fall for him, I dont want that, I just want some fun and I suppose to be made to feel sexy blah blah blah!! Just dont know if my conscience will get the better of me! I can,t wait to see who's going to win... Let us know..
D-Lish Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Honestly Gemmi, a whole host of guys can make you feel sexy- why does it need to be a married guy? You should use the guilty feelings to back off- it's the right thing to do.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Iv'e been going through mega hassle with my BF, and although I know Its wrong I met another guy for a drink the other day, the only thing is, he is married, iv'e felt attracted to him for a long time but never acted on this, but now he told me he feels the same and there are definitely sparks between us, I know it wouldn't really be anything more than a physical thing, which where I am at this time in my life suits me, the only thing is, I feel guilty about his wife......can anyone who has been here tell me if this is just a disaster waiting to happen or can it be a harmless casual affair??? break up with your boyfriend. set him free. then you can pursue whatever avenue you want.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 lizzie, you can't wait to see who wins? I seriously don't believe you are as old as you say you are... Gemmi, why would you become a homewrecker just to have some fun? find a single guy or buy a toy..don't lower yourself just because you are trying to get over your BF...seriously ureal!
seibert253 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Very disrespectful to your boyfriend and demeaning to you. Do the right thing and don't. But, if you don't want to listen, which to me sounds like you won't, then at least do ONE right thing and end your relationship with your BF. At least let him find someone who is honest and respectful. Even considering what you are, shows a lack of honesty and respect on your end. Not trying to be an azz here, but giving you an honest perspective from someone who was betrayed by someone like yourself, and gave in to temptation. She now regrets her decision everyday of her life, and continues to beat herself with what she did. Don't end up like that.
Romance Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Something I really respect is marriage. A guy with a girlfriend, I might go after. A guy with a wife, never. I couldn't. Marriage is such a huge huge deal to me.I t means so much
jnj express Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Hey gemmi----What are you a 15 yr. old----This is only fun---that's the way immature 15 yr olds sound. Do you think it will be FUN if your skanky slimy MM's wife and family find out----all of their lives will be wrecked. Try talking to kids who live in split homes----Also everytime you have a hassle with your BF, are you gonna go to a bar and look for men, or have a ONS. Grow Up-----Tell your BF, what you are about so he can run away from you as fast as he can-----You are a real peice of work.
Author Gemmi Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 Very disrespectful to your boyfriend and demeaning to you. Do the right thing and don't. But, if you don't want to listen, which to me sounds like you won't, then at least do ONE right thing and end your relationship with your BF. At least let him find someone who is honest and respectful. Even considering what you are, shows a lack of honesty and respect on your end. Not trying to be an azz here, but giving you an honest perspective from someone who was betrayed by someone like yourself, and gave in to temptation. She now regrets her decision everyday of her life, and continues to beat herself with what she did. Don't end up like that. I know what your saying, andIi have been honest and loyal for nearly 7 years, I love my BF so much but his jealousy and constant controlling has done my head in, its like I want to prove him right....I dont know why, how can twp people be so in love but fall apart with there being no way of fixing it
Author Gemmi Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 Hey gemmi----What are you a 15 yr. old----This is only fun---that's the way immature 15 yr olds sound. Do you think it will be FUN if your skanky slimy MM's wife and family find out----all of their lives will be wrecked. Try talking to kids who live in split homes----Also everytime you have a hassle with your BF, are you gonna go to a bar and look for men, or have a ONS. Grow Up-----Tell your BF, what you are about so he can run away from you as fast as he can-----You are a real peice of work. You dont even know me or anything about my life, fine your entitle to your opinion but I have never hurt anyone in my life and was looking for some sdvice, not criticism
seibert253 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I know what your saying, andIi have been honest and loyal for nearly 7 years, I love my BF so much but his jealousy and constant controlling has done my head in, its like I want to prove him right....I dont know why, how can twp people be so in love but fall apart with there being no way of fixing it Gem, Have you tried to talk with him and address these issues, as well as your own? I'm sure there are things that you do that drive him up the wall, but he says nothing. It's natural. Unhealthy, but natural. Listen, if you do love him, then be honest and tell him EXACTLY how you feel. If he choses to address the issues in your relationship then great. If he doesn't, then maybe it's time to call it a day, and move on. Whatever you choose, please, don't lower yourself by getting involved with someone whose married. I promise, it will not turn out well. Peace,
Author Gemmi Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 Gem, Have you tried to talk with him and address these issues, as well as your own? I'm sure there are things that you do that drive him up the wall, but he says nothing. It's natural. Unhealthy, but natural. Listen, if you do love him, then be honest and tell him EXACTLY how you feel. If he choses to address the issues in your relationship then great. If he doesn't, then maybe it's time to call it a day, and move on. Whatever you choose, please, don't lower yourself by getting involved with someone whose married. I promise, it will not turn out well. Peace, I have tried to talk to him, but I think its partly because he's 14 years older and he just cant stop being so jealous, he knows its ruining us but he just cant help himself, i've done everything his way for 7 years, hardly gone out and changed my dress etc. Think your right though I am going to have a chat with him, its make or break. Thank you so much for your response, Just feel like i'm pulling my hair out
Dexter Morgan Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I know what your saying, andIi have been honest and loyal for nearly 7 years, I love my BF so much but his jealousy and constant controlling has done my head in, its like I want to prove him right or he was simply right about you all along. when people have hunches, their gut is usually right.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 You dont even know me or anything about my life, fine your entitle to your opinion but I have never hurt anyone in my life and was looking for some sdvice, not criticism you don't think your laissez-faire attitude about having just a little fun with a married man wouldn't cause you to be cast in the light JJ did? If you are going to act all aloof about something as serious as hurting multiple people, that is the reaction you are going to get.
jnj express Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Hey gemma--- all I was doing was reacting to the statement of your FACTS. You want advice---leave married men ALONE. They have families, wives, kids, parents. If what you did with your slimeball buddy gets out, all of those people have had their lives ruined FOREVER. ESPECIALLY THE KIDS. You have your own demons to work on, you want more advice---why are you with a controlling man 14 yrs older than you, where you are together for 7 yrs, and are not married. Your own situation is a mess, why not work on that. You want some more advice GO OUT AND FIND A GOOD LOVING KIND NORMAL SINGLE MAN. There are lots of them out there.
Woman In Blue Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 (edited) ...I know it wouldn't really be anything more than a physical thing, which where I am at this time in my life suits me..... I don't know what the status is with your current boyfriend, but you should straighten that mess out FIRST before moving on. If an FWB relationship works better for you right now, why does it have to be with a married man? There are TONS of single guys who are more than happy to have no-strings-attached sex with a lady if she desires it. Everything we do in this life directly - and indirectly - affects others. Go ahead and have your FWB - that affects only YOU and your FWB partner. Have it with a married man, and now you're affecting other people who didn't want to be affected. This married guy is looking to get laid - if it's not you, it's going to be someone else. Hardly flattering, is it? Let it be someone else. Retain your dignity. Edited April 24, 2010 by Woman In Blue
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