shychica Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Well I finally I broke up with my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend have been problems for a minute. A lot of it stemmed from his one year of unemployment. I became emotionally, financially, and physically exhausted. I took care of rent and utilities at a place that was not mine and worked too jobs. He was not affectionate towards me (we had sex no more than 10 times during out 2 years together). His hygiene was kinda bad and he did not take care of himself. After a while the love died, and all I wanted for him was to find a job so he could stand on his own two feet. He would get very irritable towards me when I asked him about his job hunt. After threatening to move out, he found a job right away, but for some reason I did not have the heart to stay. When I dropped the bomb about breaking up, he made me feel for like crap. He said that right now I'm the worse person in the world. He called me a selfish golddigger (?) and said basically I was lucky he stayed. He said another girl was persuing him hard a few months ago, but he declined so he could stay with me. He made me feel guilty about his family and friends liking me. While money was issue, some many other things transpired. I just really need time to myself right now, because I have some figuring to do. I still wanted to be there for him as a friend because I love him, but I'm not in love with him (I hated to use that phrase). I'm not saying I'm perfect because I some issues with my health. Was I wrong in breaking up? Should I have toughed out. Right now I feel so terrible right now, because he claims he wanted things to work and I can't promise him I'm coming back. Please help me sort this out.
boogieboy Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Toughing it out depends on what you want in life. Do you want to stay with him just so you dont have to think that he thinks youre a bad person? You want to stay with him out of guilt? Do you feel like you could have married him with all his faults? If you feel like you dont want to be around him right now, rather than being in love with him, then you were right to break up. You fell out of love with him because he wasnt stimulating you emotionally, but is this how you will treat relationships in the future? Will you be letting things slide for months before bringing them up?
Author shychica Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 Toughing it out depends on what you want in life. Do you want to stay with him just so you dont have to think that he thinks youre a bad person? You want to stay with him out of guilt? Do you feel like you could have married him with all his faults? If you feel like you dont want to be around him right now, rather than being in love with him, then you were right to break up. You fell out of love with him because he wasnt stimulating you emotionally, but is this how you will treat relationships in the future? Will you be letting things slide for months before bringing them up? I never let things slide for months. I told him early on I was not happy with his actions. I just tried to be accepting of our differences.
Ilovecake Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Don't listen to a word this lazy bum says to you. He’s talking out of shame and anger and trying to pin all of this on you. There was no other girl pursuing him because he’s a smelly bum and no girl wants that. He did not stay for you, he stayed because you made it easy for him to mooch and do nothing. He got a job because you put your foot down and he felt cornered. If you stayed I bet you a million dollars he would still be out of work stinking up the couch. I have a guy friend just like that. As a matter of fact the last job he had he got fired from due to hygiene problems. He worked at a restaurant and his boss received a nasty letter from a customer saying the restaurant smells like BO because of one waiter. Because he was fired he has been collecting unemployment for year and a half and mooching off of girls that want to take care of him. You did the right thing no matter how bad it hurts. You did the right thing for your ex and especially for your self. I applaud you for having the smarts and the strength to kick the bum to the curb.
yume Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 He said another girl was persuing him hard a few months ago, but he declined so he could stay with me. That was probably a lie...wanted to make himself feel better by hurting you. Good to know you dumped his ass. He hardly sounds like a desirable person to be with. You're allowed to feel hurt because you were with him for a while but you've recognized your need to be happy and he isn't making you happy. You feel like crap because you're human. Breakups hurt, no matter what the reason. Ignore everything he says that is aimed to guilt you or hurt you...it shows he's immature and not worth your time. Stay strong and start focusing on yourself. Good luck
reservoirdog1 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I went through something with some similar features, though not with the hygiene issues. Odd that he'd call you a golddigger -- that would imply that you're with him for his money. And yet HE'S the unemployed one. In reality, he was pissed that you put your foot down and wouldn't allow him to sponge off you anymore. I don't blame you in the slightest for not wanting to stick it out with the irritable, shiftless, unclean, unaffectionate layabout. The fact that he got a job immediately after you threatened to move out shows conclusively that he was content to use you as long as you'd let him use you. Oh, and the fact that you have some health problems... bad, BAD girlfriend! You're better off without him. He completely took you for granted. He's no prize whatsoever. You have nothing to feel bad about. All the things that caused your love for him to die were things he could've fixed. However, he chose not to, until it was too late. Spread your wings, live your own life without the albatross around your neck, and enjoy your freedom. That's an order.
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