Mutant Debutante Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 This has nothing to do with a woman's perception of a man's confidence...it has to do with a man's perception of himself and that perception's effect on his behavior and so-called "confidence." A staggering majority of people in modern society base their own worth on what others think of them. I doubt you can argue that attractive people generally get more attention and positive feedback from others. This attention and positive feedback will increase a man's self-worth and self-perception, thus making him feel more valuable, for lack of a better term, to others. This higher placed value will translate into more "confident" behavior, as the man has less fear of social rejection. So on a very basic, almost primal, level, looks can be a huge factor on a man's confidence. This is not to say that other factors may come into play...but the key to confidence is positive feedback from society...i.e., confidence breeds confidence... If you go back and read, Stung actually alludes to this, twice. You are talking at cross-purposes to her, not disagreeing with her.
donnamaybe Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 So on a very basic, almost primal, level, looks can be a huge factor on a man's confidence. This is not to say that other factors may come into play...but the key to confidence is positive feedback from society...i.e., confidence breeds confidence... While this is true to a degree, let me tell you a story: About a year ago I was at this bar with my guy and some friends. Now keep in mind I was nearly 50 at the time. There was this gal in her twenties there, very slender and cute, but she was the type who thought she could just flip her hair and guys would fall all over themselves to buy her drinks. So... I was at the bar to get a drink and observed her literally sidle up to this guy and flirt with him and then ASKED him to buy her a shot. He said, "Well, I was just getting ready to leave." She got SO pissed off! She stormed out of the place and we never saw her the rest of the night. Now, she is younger than I am by half and, though I feel just fine about my looks, am sure most guys would find her prettier than I am, considering my age. Did her behavior come across as confident? Not at all. It came across as spoiled and entitled and dependent on men's attention. NOT the traits of a confident person, IMO.
USMCHokie Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 If you go back and read, Stung actually alludes to this, twice. You are talking at cross-purposes to her, not disagreeing with her. Noted...I missed that post of hers.
Lizzie60 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I like a guy who is masculine.. a manly man... I like a confident guy... I like a guy with a 'smart' sense of humour (not an idiot who thinks he's funny) I like an intelligent guy... I like a man who puts his lady on a pedestal.. without being a wimp.. I like a man who is NOT a macho..
Disillusioned Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I am not necessarily talking "looks" but what is it that women notice about men that really stand out and make them say "I want that guy" Well now, do you really believe any woman is going to let the secret out? If they did, all of us guys would've paired off with them long ago. I'm not a woman, but I'm not too dumb to know how it works.
USMCHokie Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Now, she is younger than I am by half and, though I feel just fine about my looks, am sure most guys would find her prettier than I am, considering my age. Did her behavior come across as confident? Not at all. It came across as spoiled and entitled and dependent on men's attention. NOT the traits of a confident person, IMO. From your story, I would actually say yes, it was confidence. Confidence is one's assuredness of a particular outcome. In social terms, confidence is how sure one is that he/she will be positively regarded by others. In this case, the girl felt that she would get a positive reaction and a free drink from the guy. Regardless of the outcome, she approached the situation with the belief of success. Much like a confident guy will approach a woman with the true belief that he will be successful in getting a phone number. Now her particular behavior and reaction...that's just character there...like the female version of a douchebag...never said that there weren't confident douchebags out there...the guy rejecting her clearly affected her "confidence"...so much to the point that she left for the night...but I will bet the farm that if he had bought her the shot, she'd continue asking guys for drinks all night long...and I also bet my second farm that the next night, she'll be right back to trolling the bar for free shots... Confidence breeds confidence...
sagetalk Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I like a man who puts his lady on a pedestal.. without being a wimp.. Which is another way of saying that you like starring at the Sun in the middle of night . It sounds cool, but it's impossible (besides using atelescope ). I like women who have huge breasts, but they have no idea they do I like women who are virgins, but know more about sex then porn stars I like girly girls who play sports, race cars, wrestle, and ride dirt bikes All those things above would sound great to guys, but they are also contradictions. When a man puts a girl on a pedestal, it automatically makes him appear wimpier to the girl. Thats just how it works. Almost any guy can tell you that. You don't understand, because you aren't a guy and you've never experience it.
Lizzie60 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Which is another way of saying that you like starring at the Sun in the middle of night . It sounds cool, but it's impossible (besides using atelescope ). I like women who have huge breasts, but they have no idea they do I like women who are virgins, but know more about sex then porn stars I like girly girls who play sports, race cars, wrestle, and ride dirt bikes All those things above would sound great to guys, but they are also contradictions. When a man puts a girl on a pedestal, it automatically makes him appear wimpier to the girl. Thats just how it works. Almost any guy can tell you that. You don't understand, because you aren't a guy and you've never experience it. tsk..tsk..tsk.. yes I did experienced it with my last ex... I was his queen... and he was a big, strong, manly guy... far from being a wimp... I stand by my post.. I think you're the one who doesn't understand .. I know.. I lived that situation..
sagetalk Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 (edited) tsk..tsk..tsk.. yes I did experienced it with my last ex... I was his queen... and he was a big, strong, manly guy... far from being a wimp... I stand by my post.. I think you're the one who doesn't understand .. I know.. I lived that situation.. I'm certain we have a different definition of "putting on a pedestal". Regardless, putting women on a pedestal gives a man a weaker appearance because he cares about her wants over his own. It's a weaker position. Edited April 21, 2010 by sagetalk
Rorschach Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Oh lordy lord I'm so crazy full of confidence by these definitions, but I'm not attractive. I'm going to be rolling in women when I lose all this weight... On a side note, what do women think of crappy dancers? I'll dance with you because I'm not likely to embarrass myself, so I'll give it a go. But I have literally never danced in public before so I'm sure I'd suck at it, what do women think of that?
allanworks Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 How he 'carries' himself. His posture... his walk... his ability to look an individual in the eyes... confidence in his voice and the ability to be articulate when relaxed or under fire... and a smile on his face. I used to be that guy. key word/s... used to be good,good,good,good, damn it i was close the last time i was shot at i pissed my self . but i still while i ran.5 out of 6 is that good.
Disillusioned Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Oh lordy lord I'm so crazy full of confidence by these definitions, but I'm not attractive. I'm going to be rolling in women when I lose all this weight... Go easy on the confidence... there's a very fine line between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance is still arrogance, even if you're a power-tie CEO who has plenty to be arrogant about. On a side note, what do women think of crappy dancers? OTOH what do women think of guys who can sing well? I can sing a very good bass, but unfortunately the late Michael Jackson and his squeaky voice made it unpopular to sing bass.
Rorschach Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Go easy on the confidence... there's a very fine line between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance is still arrogance, even if you're a power-tie CEO who has plenty to be arrogant about. OTOH what do women think of guys who can sing well? I can sing a very good bass, but unfortunately the late Michael Jackson and his squeaky voice made it unpopular to sing bass. Well, according to this thread what women percieve as confidence is little more than good people skills, and people skills are a large part of my job, something I've spent years getting good at. So I can't say that it's actually confidence in my own personage so much as it is I know how to deal with people and will have little difficulty acting the part of the nice confident guy. As far as singing goes in my experience even if you sing crappily women think it's sweet, I'm probably a 6/10 singer but I still get some good reactions occasionally
Yamaha Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Go easy on the confidence... there's a very fine line between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance is still arrogance, even if you're a power-tie CEO who has plenty to be arrogant about. I agree that a confident person is an attractive quality but I pose the question that with confidence breds control. I don't have any studies but could there be a corralation between confidence and control? And where do we draw the line on having a healthy self esteem and someone who takes assertiveness to the level of control of others?
SomewhatExperienced Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I think the concept of confidence is being thrown out of whack here, especially by men who aren't and are pinning it on a "truth" that what really want is looks. A poster mentioned that confidence and arrogance are two different things. They are. Arrogance is the belief that you are great. Confidence is the acknowledgment that you are great. The different lies in a confident man is not only aware, and proud of his strengths, but also is aware of and accepts his weaknesses. He is comfortable with himself as a whole and is willing to present this whole to the world in all its glory, strengths and weaknesses and all. He is comfortable in himself, will speak his mind and stand his ground while being polite but still displaying power, and be willing to make mistakes in front of people but not try to hide or be embarrassed of them.
ADF Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 simple... confidence! Can you explain this "confidence" thing to me? I am always hearing, from both women and men, about how important confidence is. Frankly, I think confidence is a little oversold. First of all, nobody feels confident all the time. Any who struts around acting confident 24/7 is a phony. Second, lots of guys overestimate how much being cionfidence can get them. When a woman says "no," they often won't accept it. They have this notion that is they just persist long enough--i.e. that is they display enough confidence--she'll change her mind. This is rarely the case. I just don't get it.
Yamaha Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I think the concept of confidence is being thrown out of whack here, especially by men who aren't and are pinning it on a "truth" that what really want is looks. A poster mentioned that confidence and arrogance are two different things. They are. Arrogance is the belief that you are great. Confidence is the acknowledgment that you are great. The different lies in a confident man is not only aware, and proud of his strengths, but also is aware of and accepts his weaknesses. He is comfortable with himself as a whole and is willing to present this whole to the world in all its glory, strengths and weaknesses and all. He is comfortable in himself, will speak his mind and stand his ground while being polite but still displaying power, and be willing to make mistakes in front of people but not try to hide or be embarrassed of them. And how many guys do you know that are this complete in healthy self esteem? I know very few. They usually are very insecure and shy or they're the opposite.
elysium23 Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I'm going to be the outlier here and say a few shallow things. When I first see a guy, the first thing I notice is his height. For a guy to be somewhat cute/attractive he has to be at least in my height range (no shorter than 1-2 inches shorter than me). For a guy to be really hot and turn my head, he usually has to be least a few inches taller than me (but extremely tall is a turn off) The second thing I notice is the hair. I definitely don't speak for all women when I mention hair. Most women seem to be fine with bald headed guys and turned off by really long hair. However for me this is a big priority, because I LOVE guys with long hair. Between ear length and shoulder length is ideal, but anything down to the waist is great. A shaved head is a big no-no for me. A guy with nice hair will get my attention even if he doesn't have much else going for him look-wise. Nice beards and mustaches are also head turners for me. The third thing I pay attention to is his overall body shape, especially his shoulders. I love broad shoulders. I do agree with the other poster who said that "confidence" is at least somewhat determined by looks. Broad, square shoulders do look more confident than sloping, small shoulders. Tallness looks more confident than extreme shortness. But obviously posture and attitude still play a large part and it's not all about looks. I agree with the above women who mentioned confidence as a priority. However, I think my definition of confidence is different than most. I dont' care if a guy can get the bartenders attention or be the life of the party. I actually prefer shy guys. I just like confidence to the extent that a guy is comfortable being himself, even if his personality is shy and awkward. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but there is NO bigger turn off to me than a guy who is shy and nervous but tries to hide it and look tough. I feel more at ease with guys who act natural and unforced. So a guy can be quiet and reserved while still displaying confidence in himself. Witty comments and a good sense of humor are the biggest indicators of confidence to me. They are a huge turn on. I have never been attracted to a guy who didn't have a sense of humor. That is a deal breaker.
iheartlavalamps Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 biggest thing I notice right off the bat is how they treat other people. Especially women, waitresses, and how they talk about their mom. If a man has no respect for a woman (any woman, within reason), that's a wrap right then. Oh, and how they are with kids. I mean, I'm not like rushing to have a kid, but if it's a guy who isn't really nice to kids, I won't consider it. Etc.
elysium23 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Imagine if we men started to make statements like "women with C's and D's look more confident than ones with A's and B's" or "women with pretty faces look more confident then homely girls". If you say that it's the first thing you notice about a person and attracts you (whether it's big breasts or a man who is tall) that's one thing, but to try and attribute numerous positive character qualities cheapens the definition of the word and makes guys like me kind of laugh when I hear "women just want confident men". The most confident people I know are not the tall guys, the prettiest girls, or the the guys with the broadest shoulders. In fact, in my experience, a lot of the tall and muscular guys and hot girls with big breasts are pipsqueaks with fragile egos, hiding behind their exterior and abusing their attractiveness to the opposite sex, and always looking for special treatment. If you want to see real confidence look at those guys who are constantly getting shot down because they are 5'5 but brush it off like it's nothing, or the guys who don't have the biggest biceps or broadest shoulders but still walk with their heads up high and fear nobody. You might not feel "chemistry" for them, but at the very least, don't redefine confidence to fit what you are sexually attracted to, that word is reserved especially for them. Well obviously i'm not saying that the tallest guys ARE the most confident, i'm just saying good straight posture portrays much more confidence than sloping shoulders and a hunched back. I'm not the only person to think that. There are tons of texts that say you should hold your head up high, keep your back straight, broaden your shoulders, etc., if you want to project confidence and authority. But obviously I recognize the difference between looking that way and actually being that way.
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