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oh how im in a pickle......


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Posted

Hi, someone please help.

 

Im 19 and my boyfriend is 26 and have been with him for 4 and a half months now. Its wonderful. He has the same interests and we do everything together. However, my mother wont meet him and when I try talking about him she changes the subject.

 

He makes me smile in way other people cant. We are both training to work in health care too.

 

Her excuses are that I have "plans" to travel. Which I havent, Ive mention id like to work abroad but wouldnt bother me if I didnt. As id rather move abroad and settle in one area. Also, "hes too old for you" is a common one. She became pregnant with me at a young age as she wanted to travel and then had to raise me alone.

 

I have no idea what to do, as it makes me angry that she wont even meet him to see how happy I am. And I dont want to choose between them both as I have a younger brother who I would miss.

 

He means the world to me. :love:

Posted

...why do you even care? Her approval isn't necessary.

Posted
Hi, someone please help.

 

Im 19 and my boyfriend is 26 and have been with him for 4 and a half months now. Its wonderful. He has the same interests and we do everything together. However, my mother wont meet him and when I try talking about him she changes the subject.

 

He makes me smile in way other people cant. We are both training to work in health care too.

 

Her excuses are that I have "plans" to travel. Which I havent, Ive mention id like to work abroad but wouldnt bother me if I didnt. As id rather move abroad and settle in one area. Also, "hes too old for you" is a common one. She became pregnant with me at a young age as she wanted to travel and then had to raise me alone.

 

I have no idea what to do, as it makes me angry that she wont even meet him to see how happy I am. And I dont want to choose between them both as I have a younger brother who I would miss.

 

He means the world to me. :love:

 

why would you have to choose between your mother... whom you've know since you were, well... born! :laugh: and your boyfriend of only 4 months? seems a little extreme to me... is she forbidding you to see him?

 

your post reminds me of the song called "I Want to be the Boy that Warms your Mothers Heart" by the White Stripes (my fav band.. obviously!) it's a sweet little song and maybe you should have him listen to it! ;)

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Posted

I know Ive not known him that long, but everything seem well "right." Im away at university and before I used to tell her everything.

 

But its seems that because of the age she doesnt even want to meet him.

 

I suppose its just an old fashioned thing of getting parents approval.

Posted
I know Ive not known him that long, but everything seem well "right." Im away at university and before I used to tell her everything.

 

But its seems that because of the age she doesnt even want to meet him.

 

I suppose its just an old fashioned thing of getting parents approval.

 

mother daughter relationships are tough sometimes and go through lots of changes... I know you want her "approval" but hopefully she will eventually come around when she sees how happy he makes you.

Posted

She wont want to meet him until you prove with time that this isnt just puppy love. She thinks you will be done with him in a few months, so theres no need to meet him.

Posted

Never underestimate the importance of your families and the person your datings family approval. They care about you way more than a "lover" ever will. Listen to what they have to say. Family can be a fantastic way to ground yourself and keep your head from staying in the clouds. Love screws up your head, family are there to make sure it doesn't screw up your life.

 

19 is very young, don't rush into anything. Listen to your mom. No guy will ever love you more than she does. If I knew a girls mom didn't want me to date her, I would have second thoughts about the relationship. I truly feel it's that important. Without your mom you wouldn't even exist.

Posted (edited)
She wont want to meet him until you prove with time that this isnt just puppy love. She thinks you will be done with him in a few months, so theres no need to meet him.

 

Actually BB, I think it's the other way around. I mean from stereotyping what are the chances that an older guy is merely with a younger girl just because of superficial means?

 

OP, I'm not trying to generalize your relationship, but from your mother's point of view I can understand why she's so obstinate about meeting your bf. From her background, sheprobably doesn't want you ending up like her, having a child at a young age without fully experiencing life. There's also the age difference. Normally parents does not tolerate their children dating people that are older than them. If your mom is traditional it could be a very taboo issue ( like dating a guy who's your parents age).

 

Your mom is being overprotective, hence she's using your " traveling in the future" as an excuse. If you really want to get your bf and mom to get along, you're going to have to convince your bf to warm up to her. Not only that, but communication is important, even though it seems like talking to her right now seems a horrendous task. You're going to have to do alot of convincing and prove to her why having a relationship with your bf isn't going to deter you from your dreams. Most importantly, you have to reassure her that you're grown up enough to make your own decisions.

 

PS. I'm 20 so I've been there done that. My mom is overprotective if not more especially since I come from a traditional family. I have to do my fair share of trying to prove to my parents that I'm capable of making adult decisions. Even if I do make mistakes, I have to assure them that I learned and will do better.

Edited by xpaperxcutx
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