TLH Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I woke up this morning in a really somber mood. I have been sleeping on the couch because I'm not ready to sleep in the bedroom. Too many memories. And I have been getting no sleep which is awful with finals approaching. I wake up at night in a panic and don't know what to do with myself. Does anyone have any suggestions for this? So I got out of bed and forced myself to take a walk. I started thinking about the relationship and I'm having a really hard time throwing my ex off the pedestal. I know that there are things I didn't like about him and that really bothered me, but I seem to forget about the bad things and just concentrate on all the good. I know that he is going out and meeting new people. I don't think that he is hooking up with any other women, but I don't know. And I know that who/what he is doing should not be any of my business, but it's so hard to NOT think about those things. I feel like a wreck. I know that I deserve so much more than him. But I'm not very social and have a hard time meeting and approaching people. All of my close friends are in a relationship and I don't really have any single friends. I'm really having a rough morning today and all of your support and suggestions would be helpful. Thanks guys!
dreamer0123 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Hey... I know how exactly what you are going through. I hate this feeling... It's hard... one thing that I was told is to make a list of everything that you didn't like about the person... everything. I am going to do that and you should too.. it is supposed to make you realize that he isn't as perfect as you think he is... Try it- try it on here... I'll do the same.
Author TLH Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 I've been wanting to make a list, but I keep thinking that there's not really anything wrong with him. I KNOW that this isn't true. Maybe I will write the things I can think of now, and then keep adding as the days pass. 1. He is lazy. If he could sit inside playing video games all day he would. Every time I would ask him to go for a walk with me he would always claim that he didn't have "his walking shoes" and plop down in front of the TV. 2. He is unmotivated. He really doesn't do well in his classes because he never wants to get up in the morning to go to them. 3. He is a procrastinator. He postponed his college graduation to winter time because he is scared of the future and he doesn't want to think about it (he told me this during our breakup conversation). He also procrastinates with things such as parking tickets, paying bills, etc. I think that's all I can do for now. It's weird because as I'm writing all of these bad things, I am also thinking of the good things. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. Thanks for the support Dreamer! I will keep adding to this list as the thoughts pop into my head.
dreamer0123 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I know- I did the same and good things pops into my head as well... relationships are full of ups and downs...
Author TLH Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 4. On Valentine's Day, my ex had to work and we weren't celebrating anyways because he doesn't believe in "Hallmark holidays". After he went to work, I had awful stomach pains. I texted him and he told me it was probably because of all the beers I had the night before (I had 3). After it got really bad I DROVE MYSELF to the emergency room where they told me it was my appendix. He knew all of this as I was keeping him updated, but didn't leave work to be by my side. I called my mother who drove 2 hours to be with me. When my ex got off work and drove the 5 mins it takes to get to the hospital, he just kind of sat there and made fun of me because I was so out of it due to all the morphine in my system. When my roommate found out (I didn't want to bother her on VDay since she was out with her bf), she dropped all of her plans and her and her bf came to be by my side. They sat with me and talked to me while my ex was reading a book. The day after my surgery my ex was MAD AT ME for talking to my roommate more than I talked to him. WTF??!!! It was after this day that I knew deep down he was not "my one". But I still tried to work through it with him. However it is a good self-esteem builder knowing that I got through it without him.
dreamer0123 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 My ex didn't like Valentine's day either--so we never really celebrated it. But the more I think about it- if it was something that meant something to him I would do it for him to make him smile. My ex and I were from different cultures... and he loved celebrating his new year with his family (I was often so envious because I really wanted to be a part of it)- but anyways I learned to say Happy New Year in Farsi- something small but I thought was sweet. I'm not saying Valentine's day is the thing to do or a breaker in a relationship but a text would have been nice
Author TLH Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 I'm not upset with him for not celebrating VDay. I'm upset with him because I had to go through a lot of pain followed by surgery by myself, without his support, and then he got mad at me because I didn't give him enough attention while I was under the influence of morphine.
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