how do I get her back?

[mfa7]

A few weeks ago my gf broke up with me. We had been going out for a couple months and I truly loved her and, until the last few days, she loved me.. maybe even more than I loved her. I keep thinking about her, I keep looking at photos of her, I can't get her out of my mind. She still wanted to be my friend so I apologized and for her birthday a few days ago I got her a necklace. She hasn't yet taken it off. She told her friends she still has strong feelings for me but I asked her for a second chance and she said she really didn't want a relationship right now. But I also heard shed been messing around with other guys... what do I do?

[monkeymaid]

nothing. wait till she comes to you.

 

 

seriously. . ...do nothing.

 

 

if you do nothing, you cnt screw anything up.

 

she broke up with you, so its up to her to make amends.

 

 

 

everyone here will tell you to just do nothing and go nc. . ..shell come back

[EthanH]

Call me a cynic, but if you have been going out for a few months, a)how can you love her already and b)what she has done showed that she did not have such strong feelings. I don't buy the theory which some people put forward about it being crucial that both parties in the relationship have to love each other equally for it to work. I can't be bothered with that, what is the point? Some days with girls I know I loved them more than they loved me, and then the week later it would be turned on it's head. Feelings change hourly/weekly etc etc, they are impacted by the smallest things...talking to friends, actions of the other partner, etc etc... I think people read too much into it. So I do think that isn't important when you are together... but I do think that this has just proved that she wants different things to you.

 

I'm young too, and from your post, I'm guessing you both are...the fact she says she wants to 'play the field'...I think it is just that you are different...but you shouldn't take it personally...the way I try to look at it is this... when you look at a kid, they are far happier eating candy/playing with toys than they are drinking beer/dancing (maybe the wrong example to use, but I hope you get my drift!)... it is what they want at the time...they can't help it. The same is true between people who are just getting to know themselves, who just want to play the field and those who know what they want for whatever reason. But it cannot be changed, they have to learn and you just have to accept that, and no matter how much you like her, you have to realise that.

 

As for the necklace, don't read into it too much...she has no reason to hate you, she valued your time together, but she doesn't want to be in a relationship. My ex of a year broke up with me 2 months ago, and she still has my valentines card at the bottom of her bed...and when friends are surprised by it, she cannot understand why they would be. She also cannot understand why I would remove everything that reminds me of her from my room. She doesn't want to cast off the memory of you, as it is a negative feeling to do that, and in many ways she is hanging onto the memory of you guys, but it doesn't mean she wants to be back with you. At least... that is my reading of it. If I was you, I would concentrate on your studies (I don't know why but I'm assuming you are at college/school?)... put yourself first, don't let the first girl you like hurt you...if you were only with her for a few months, you shouldn't be that into her, and if you are, you have to ask yourself some serious questions about how needy you are for someone to be there for you. If you are that needy, in many ways, she must have picked up on it, which would have gone against what she thought, proved by what she is doing now. Make yourself into the guy who has girls in the situation you are in now.

[mfa7]

nothing. wait till she comes to you.

 

 

seriously. . ...do nothing.

 

 

if you do nothing, you cnt screw anything up.

 

she broke up with you, so its up to her to make amends.

 

 

 

everyone here will tell you to just do nothing and go nc. . ..shell come back

 

ok are you saying I should just completely avoid her or what?

[zebracolors]

Think they mean to hang back and let her miss you a little while? She may be trying to really decide what she wants, if she really wants you in her future again or not. If she does and you're willing to wait, great. If not, don't wait forever for her to decide.

[Green]

If you've been dating a girl for only a few months and she breaks up with you it is probably not going to work out. The first thing you can do is go see her and talk to her. If that doesn't work the best thing you can do to get her back is to move on with your life and get a new gf who you like better then ur old gf.

 

If you just keep wanting her back after giving it a good try to get her back you are only prolonging your pain and making yourself seem less attractive to her. The most attractive thing you could do is stop caring about a girl who dumped you and start flirting and asking out new girls. Then finaly I would sugest you never go out with this girl again.

 

I've been dumped before I know how much it hurts. I got lucky the first time I got dumped, because a girl actualy asked me out. It was still really hard though even if you only dated her some months. I too felt like the girl had liked me more then I liked her... but I still got dumped. I even cried in front of my family like a baby. Moving on and dating other people and living your life is the only advice I can give you. If you already tried to talk to her and told her how much you cared and that didn't change it then nothing will. The girl who dumped me was messing around with other guys after she dumped me so I really didn't care much. I still ocasionaly txted her for months after being dumped... but really take my advice and just stop thinking about her or contacting her, and if she wants to get back with you hopefuly you have the strength to turn her down because its a bad idea.

[CaliGuy]

nothing. wait till she comes to you.

 

Nah.

 

seriously. . ...do nothing.

 

 

if you do nothing, you cnt screw anything up.

 

she broke up with you, so its up to her to make amends.

 

everyone here will tell you to just do nothing and go nc. . ..shell come back

 

This is better advice other than "Once someone walks away from you, you should let them go and move on with someone NEW".

 

See, spending time on people who don't want you is probably the biggest waste of time in anyone's life.

[mfa7]

If you've been dating a girl for only a few months and she breaks up with you it is probably not going to work out. The first thing you can do is go see her and talk to her. If that doesn't work the best thing you can do to get her back is to move on with your life and get a new gf who you like better then ur old gf.

 

If you just keep wanting her back after giving it a good try to get her back you are only prolonging your pain and making yourself seem less attractive to her. The most attractive thing you could do is stop caring about a girl who dumped you and start flirting and asking out new girls. Then finaly I would sugest you never go out with this girl again.

 

I've been dumped before I know how much it hurts. I got lucky the first time I got dumped, because a girl actualy asked me out. It was still really hard though even if you only dated her some months. I too felt like the girl had liked me more then I liked her... but I still got dumped. I even cried in front of my family like a baby. Moving on and dating other people and living your life is the only advice I can give you. If you already tried to talk to her and told her how much you cared and that didn't change it then nothing will. The girl who dumped me was messing around with other guys after she dumped me so I really didn't care much. I still ocasionaly txted her for months after being dumped... but really take my advice and just stop thinking about her or contacting her, and if she wants to get back with you hopefuly you have the strength to turn her down because its a bad idea.

 

Well its my fault we broke up I understand why she did. I don't want to go into details but I really did mess up (flirting with other girls ect) just stupid things I didn't even really notice I was doing. So its not like she did something wrong in breaking up with me, she even tried to tell me but I wasn't listening. I woulda broken up with me. In my opinion I juust don't know if she understands that Ik I messed up

[Green]

Well its my fault we broke up I understand why she did. I don't want to go into details but I really did mess up (flirting with other girls ect) just stupid things I didn't even really notice I was doing. So its not like she did something wrong in breaking up with me, she even tried to tell me but I wasn't listening. I woulda broken up with me. In my opinion I juust don't know if she understands that Ik I messed up

 

Same here, I had been acting like a real dck when I got dumped. If you gave it a good try to get her back thats all you can do. But giving up and moving on is the most attractive thing at this point.

 

Look here are things you can do to try to get her back. 1) write her a romantic letter apologizing and telling her you need her ... what ever sounds good. 2) calling her and meeting with her and having a heart to heart. 3) buying her dinner or a gift.

 

But if you've been trying these things and they don't work you should just move on because sometimes nothing will get a girl back. I know this is all you can think about but you have to try to watch movies, go to work, and chase other girls.... get over this girl. Live and learn, don't screw up with the next girl the same way. Things worked out for me even though at the time I thought they never would.

[In-The-Wheat]

If you've been dating a girl for only a few months and she breaks up with you it is probably not going to work out. The first thing you can do is go see her and talk to her. If that doesn't work the best thing you can do to get her back is to move on with your life and get a new gf who you like better then ur old gf.

 

If you just keep wanting her back after giving it a good try to get her back you are only prolonging your pain and making yourself seem less attractive to her. The most attractive thing you could do is stop caring about a girl who dumped you and start flirting and asking out new girls. Then finaly I would sugest you never go out with this girl again.

 

I've been dumped before I know how much it hurts. I got lucky the first time I got dumped, because a girl actualy asked me out. It was still really hard though even if you only dated her some months. I too felt like the girl had liked me more then I liked her... but I still got dumped. I even cried in front of my family like a baby. Moving on and dating other people and living your life is the only advice I can give you. If you already tried to talk to her and told her how much you cared and that didn't change it then nothing will. The girl who dumped me was messing around with other guys after she dumped me so I really didn't care much. I still ocasionaly txted her for months after being dumped... but really take my advice and just stop thinking about her or contacting her, and if she wants to get back with you hopefuly you have the strength to turn her down because its a bad idea.

 

 

I like this advice man... Just wondering, did this particular girl ever come back? If so what happened?

[Green]

I like this advice man... Just wondering, did this particular girl ever come back? If so what happened?

 

That girl never came back. I have no idea what happened to her. Some times I try to see if I can find her profile on fb or something but I can't. I deleted her phone number and erased her address. Although even if I still knew her address it was a dorm so there is 0% chance she still lives ther. I don't know what happned to her. I don't care at all anymore.

 

One girl who dumped me though, she started msging me on facebook and stuff after she broke up with her bf she started dating after me. It was really flattering but I had moved on and had a new gf and I got the satisfaction of blocking her on fb after telling her we could never date again and we broke up for good reasons and that she had dumped me.

 

If I had not had a gf when she came back I would have probably fallen under her spell. The truth is things don't work for a reason. And especialy if a girl leaves you and starts dating another guy you should never go back.

 

I'm dating a girl now. I would be a mess if she dumped me. But after giving it a good try, maybe even begging I would move on and just start dating again because if you love some one you have to let them go. And most importantly if you love yourself you will look for the joy in life instead of focusing on the negative.

 

If you were being disrespectful to your gf apologize and try to change. but some times people just don't work out. You have to move on, not fall apart. You have to get out there and start living life, laughing at movies, working hard at your job/ school ect.

[In-The-Wheat]

That girl never came back. I have no idea what happened to her. Some times I try to see if I can find her profile on fb or something but I can't. I deleted her phone number and erased her address. Although even if I still knew her address it was a dorm so there is 0% chance she still lives ther. I don't know what happned to her. I don't care at all anymore.

 

One girl who dumped me though, she started msging me on facebook and stuff after she broke up with her bf she started dating after me. It was really flattering but I had moved on and had a new gf and I got the satisfaction of blocking her on fb after telling her we could never date again and we broke up for good reasons and that she had dumped me.

 

If I had not had a gf when she came back I would have probably fallen under her spell. The truth is things don't work for a reason. And especialy if a girl leaves you and starts dating another guy you should never go back.

 

I'm dating a girl now. I would be a mess if she dumped me. But after giving it a good try, maybe even begging I would move on and just start dating again because if you love some one you have to let them go. And most importantly if you love yourself you will look for the joy in life instead of focusing on the negative.

 

If you were being disrespectful to your gf apologize and try to change. but some times people just don't work out. You have to move on, not fall apart. You have to get out there and start living life, laughing at movies, working hard at your job/ school ect.

 

Thanks man for replying. You are so money with the advice. Yea, I have just been bettering myself in all areas, and trying to move on with activities/friends/meeting other girls so its working verrrry slowly.

 

I was not disrespectful though to her. I treated her great in every way. The only thing I said was after she texted me "things aren't working out" I sent an email with the first part saying it was "immature and disrespectful that you couldn't even talk about it" & "pathetic" or something close to that, but other than that - it was the only time I lashed out in any way. I even lated apologized in a PM on FB saying I should have handled better, given you space, etc.

 

I'm wondering though if her past relations (how she handled them when they ended) will effect me. Basically one guy cheated (she dumped him, never talked to him again) & another stole & I think never talked to him again. But I didn't do anything remotely close to that LOL. It was all love from me. So who knows... I can't care as much what has happened, just trying to avoid her.

 

 

And to MFA7 - sorry for taking over your thread.. My advice is like everyone else's. Go NC and let her make the "real" moves to come back...not breadcrumbs.

Edited April 21, 2010 by In-The-Wheat