dreamer0123 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Hi Everyone, So funny thing- I actually started off the Breaking up Forum- then moved to the Second Chance forum and am now in the coping forum I guess I've been around My ex and I broke up last Oct- and it took me 5 months to realize that it was over and he didn't want to be with me. We last spoke 3 weeks ago when it finally clicked in my head that it was really over (and I have a hunch that he seeing someone new but really that doesn't change anything...). Ironically after we spoke- I was fine with it- because I knew I did everything I possibly could but yesterday was his birthday and I was really really sad. I'm just tired of feeling sad and down so I thought I would start this blog to help me release some of those emotions. Also- the support on this site is awesome.. and really I could use it! So please join me in my roller-coaster ride to a new me!
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 So right now I feel a combination of things... part of me is just sad because it's over and part of me is so mad him for not wanting to try anymore. My ex was a great guy- I mean we've had our share of problems but the one thing that always bothered me is that I felt like I held our relationship together. I would make every effort to try and make him happy (don't get me wrong- he made me happy as well)- but I always felt like I was the one who tried harder.. who really wanted it to work.. When we broke up- he told me he was unhappy and had been unhappy for a while (due to some other issues)- but he never mentioned it to me until I had told him what I wanted (yes- 3 years and I never met his parents- can you believe it?)- and then he decides that since he is unhappy it must be due to the fact that I am unhappy (does that make sense?!) and when I told him that was never the case- it was too late.. mind made up.
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 Right now I'm' feeling down again.... I'm a 100% sure he is with someone else and it really hurts me that he is able to move on so quickly. I just wish I had the strength to do so...
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 Things I didn't like about my ex: 1. Poor communication.... it was hard to get him to open up to me and he never really expressed how unhappy he was until I had told him what I wanted 2. Lazy- he was so lazy at times... he had is family and myself to help him take care of him- but he was soo lazy. 3. Can't deal with change- another problem. 4. Can't express his feelings properly....
TLH Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Hey Dreamer, Your ex sounds a lot like mine. Did your breakup end in a respectful manner or was it a big mess? Also, how long have you been NC?
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 Hey Dreamer, Your ex sounds a lot like mine. Did your breakup end in a respectful manner or was it a big mess? Also, how long have you been NC? Hmm the actual breakup was respectful- he was upset and so was I- but his friends didn't support him at all whereas I had my support from family and friends. We had our share of issues- but it took me to ask him if this is what he really wants- only for him to tell me he was unhappy for a long time. After our breakup (oct)- I had family problems and actually went away for a while to deal with them- he heard about it from a mutual friend and tried to get in touch with me- but I didn't talk to him because I was away. We were on LC- about once every 3 weeks or so he would initiate contact (until the last couple of times where i began to realize there must be someone else)- finally the last time I contacted him was before my birthday- it was a big birthday (30) and I couldn't comprehend that he wasn't going to be a part of it. We spoke a few days before and I just needed to know if there was ever going to be a second chance- he said no and he said one day i'm going to find someone who will make me happy and will thank him for it. I didn't ask if he was seeing someone else because really I didn't want to know... but by the way he was speaking - I could tell.. (we dated for 3 years... so really i know). I was actually MUCH better after- I realized I did everything I could and have no regrets of what I did. I really do want to move on... Anyways- fastforward to now- it was his birthday on Sunday and now I'm sad again. He texted me for my birthday so I texted him on Sunday and that's it Maybe I'm sad because I know I won't speak to him again- unless I run into him- but even then- I am hoping it won't be for a while... Its hard.. honestly .. I mean I go through these mood swings where I'm ok to where i am down. I hate feeling down because I know I really want to move on but I'm so hurt by everything it's hard.
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 Today is another day- another LONNNG day. I thought about him a lot today- I thought about the fun things we used to do together- I was trying to print some pictures and came across some old ones of us together. As soon as I saw them I just took out the memory key and decided to print the pictures I wanted another time. I really miss him today and wonder if I even cross his mind? At least I feel a little better then yesterday
cp3_panda Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 dreamer.. i read your post before the last one.. and I feel that you are a really good person and probably a very great girlfriend. That being said, I feel that LC may not be the best option cuz I see that you are relapsing a bit with the memories and the emotional connections to that. Have you considered truly going NC and sticking with it? I know its hard but that is what i am doing with my ex of 4 years. Although it did not end well, I could not imagine not going NC even if it did. Too much emotional connection and too much want to get back with her just by seeing her or talking to her. I feel that NC is for the best in my case and a month later.. I am rarely getting those relapses and thoughts about her. To show you my progress.. I used to check her fb profile,etc almost every hour. Then a few weeks later.. i felt a need to see it.. then decided not to.. and now.. I dont even desire to see it at all. I believe that Human emotions and the mind are truly an amazing thing.. No matter how strong your connection is to someone.. the ability to detach and the idea of "out of sight is out of mind" is great. NC has now not only allowed me to stop using her as an emotional crutch but also for me to clearly see what I(myself) need to work on as well as reinstate my own purpose in life! :]
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 Hi cp3_panda: Thanks for the comments - I was feeling a little down when I read your comments and it made me feel a bit better. About NC vs LC- We last spoke 3 weeks ago and minus the text from him and one from myself (for birthdays)- I have been going complete NC. I do check his facebook once in a while but I"m thinking that's not the way to go for now. There is no point. I"m still really hurt and the thought of him with someone else still hurts me although I realize that he is trying to move on with his life as well (and he should). This morning I woke up and felt a little scared. I find myself "forgetting" him a little bit- forgetting his touch - which is a good sign in the sense I'm working to get over him but at the same time- I'm a little sad. It's a lot of mixed feelings... I should stop thinking!
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 So now I feel angry... I'm so mad at my ex at being a coward and not dealing with our issues upfront. He claimed he was unhappy and doesn't want to try again (this was last time we spoke).. and I just feel like if he was sooo unhappy or didn't think that I made him unhappy- why didn't he end it then? I mean why wait until I brought up what was bothering me... I understand that he might feel guilty or can't comfort his feelings upfront- but really- we've been together 3 years- I was completely honest- why can't he be?
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 I really wish I didn't care as much for him as I do... I also wish I can get the good memories out of my head (for now) to help me heal... sometimes I feel thats what's holding me back. I don't even want him back anymore- I just want to get better so I can move on to better things....
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 So I wanted to write about my progress from last night to today... First off- I want to say that I didn't look at his profile using facebook yesterday. I made a conscious effort not to.. and I'm really proud of it.. I know it's only one day- but it helps (I don't know why I look at it- it's not like we both update our facebook regulary!) Yesterday I met with a mutual friend of ours (well there was a mutual couple but the girl and I have gotten super close) and I haven't seen her in a while. We chatted over dinner and she was asking how I was doing and stuff... then she said something which made me feel a little better... She said that my ex didn't deserve me (coming from someone who knows my ex well)- and she said that he wasn't at the same level as me and both her and her husband (who is also close to my ex) think he made a terrible mistake letting me go. Also- apparently my ex had told her husband that he is never going to find anyone who loved him as much as I did. I know it wasn't much but to be honest the fact that he realized how much I love him meant something to me... I feel a bit better (still think he's stupid) but a bit better... nanobits right??!
LK30 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 hey dreamer - i know how you feel! I think my ex has met someone knew and I bet she is with him right now doing all the things we used to. But I've realised that it's not a bad thing to feel in pain as you have to do so to move forward. I'm sure if you met someone then it'd really help you forget him but altho that is probably the quickest healing technique it is probably the worst as you need time to heal. your ex has almost certainly rebounded, and you're probably imagining he is in a perfect relationship now, but it's almost certainly not as great as your mind is making you imagine it, and it doesn't mean he doesn't miss you or that he regrets your relationship. at the end of the day you're breathing and your heart is beating. it won't stop because of him
thebear08 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 sounds similar to what im going through, only my best friend still hangs out with my ex. It sucks and i want this feeling to go away so bad
Author dreamer0123 Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 It's tough... I need to figure out a way to move past this....
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