LostInTurn Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I'm writing each of you, so I don't say something I'll regret due to overwhelming frustration. My BF found a job closer to me. Instead of being 2 hours away, he'll be 1 hour away. Previously, we spoke of moving in together. Turns out, he's not ready. He said he sees it happening, he's just not ready yet. I personally feel like he should move half way between his job and me. He claims he made this move solely for me, nothing else. I feel his statement is heavily contradictory though. If he were doing this solely for me, he would be closer. He wouldn't land himself in the middle of a city. He would be making every effort to be as close to me and his job as possible. I would do it for him. I'm upset and frustrated because he originally said he was ready to live together and then got frightened. I am confused because he says that he'll be ready and he wants to live with me, but he's not ready yet. If he's not ready yet, how on earth does he know he wants to live with me at all? I am taking it personally, very personally. I am taking it as a personal slam to my ego. I cannot even convey how terrible it makes me feel. He has asked me to please stop thinking about it so much and just let it happen. How can I? I want to take the next step in our relationship. I thought this was a good thing. I thought someone would be happy to have someone love them so much that they want these things. I'm beginning to feel as though I've made some really huge mistakes. I'm beginning to feel like I should just walk away and not even see the possible let down that could occur. I don't want to get hurt. I would go to the end of the earth for this man. I would do anything within my power to make him happy and make sure that everything was always perfect for him. I don't know how much more I can do. Daily, I feel badly that he won't live with me. Now I'm to the point of borderline depressed and I don't know what to do about it. Any thoughts, words of wisdom would be appreciated. Thanks.
aerogurl87 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I think you two are moving at two different paces. Moving in with someone is a BIG step. It's better that he was honest with you now, rather than move in with you and then start resenting you for making him do something he thought he wasn't ready to do.
D-Lish Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I personally feel like he should move half way between his job and me. He claims he made this move solely for me, nothing else. I feel his statement is heavily contradictory though. If he were doing this solely for me, he would be closer What are you doing to show your investment to him? Are you moving halfway?
Els Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 What are you doing to show your investment to him? Are you moving halfway? I echo this. Regardless of whether he's moving halfway or not, he IS the one moving from 2 hrs away to 1 hr away. Maybe if you want him to be 30 minutes away YOU can consider moving?
Rollercoasterr Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Lord have mercy. I live an hour away from my job and pretty much civilization. I don't see how one hour is enough to make you resent him or even get upset over. He was moving 2 hours away. Now he's moving 1. And you're upset because he isn't CLOSER? Seems to me like you resent him for reasons other than that. Most people on the board would jump for joy and do a spazzy dance at the chance of having their SO's live 3 hours away, let alone 1.
Arabella Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 how is living an hour away a LDR? Seriously. My SO and I are going to be living an hour away from each other next month and I couldn't be happier. That distance is so meaningless. The OP really should consider why her SO should be willing to make any more sacrifices than he already has when she's not even willing to drive an hour for him... Arabella
Els Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Lord have mercy. I live an hour away from my job and pretty much civilization. I don't see how one hour is enough to make you resent him or even get upset over. He was moving 2 hours away. Now he's moving 1. And you're upset because he isn't CLOSER? Seems to me like you resent him for reasons other than that. Most people on the board would jump for joy and do a spazzy dance at the chance of having their SO's live 3 hours away, let alone 1. I can't spazzy dance well, but I'd certainly try!
thisismystory Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Most people on the board would jump for joy and do a spazzy dance at the chance of having their SO's live 3 hours away, let alone 1. Yes. I would die (not literally) to live 1 hour...even two hours away from my SO. I think you're very lucky...whether he made the move for you or not. And yes...moving in together is a big deal, especially when you go from long distance to seeing each other every day. It's a scary idea. It's like plunging into a tub of hot water. If he's not ready...he's not ready. Doesn't make him love you less. I personally would not mind moving in with my SO and seeing him everyday. But when I see it from his point of view...he probably wants to be settled with his job, etc. before he makes the next big move.
Author LostInTurn Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 "I echo this. Regardless of whether he's moving halfway or not, he IS the one moving from 2 hrs away to 1 hr away. Maybe if you want him to be 30 minutes away YOU can consider moving?" -Each one of you are absolutely correct. I am happy he's moving closer, that's not what has me flustered. It's the living situation. To answer this response: I was driving 2 hours a day to see him after work and the next morning to see him. Meanwhile, he was not working at all. I have given my fair share. I would be more than happy to break my lease and move closer to where he'll be, but I'm afraid to do that because he won't live with me. I'd be making that change... For, a chance? I'm afraid of everything that's happening. Maybe I'm afraid someone actualy loves me enough to make this life decision for me (entirely possible) I don't know...
Els Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I honestly think that the optimal arrangement post-LDR is to live close enough together that you can see each other every day if you'd like... but not to move in together permanently. At least not at first. It's a huge, huge change... some people do well with it, some people don't. Your bf might fear that he will be one of those who will have trouble adapting. What's the rush to move in together? Can't you live near each other without that happening?
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