Zapbasket Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I've got a similar situation to yours, Beachfan, and I'm also torn between pulling back (which is what I've chosen for now) and outright asking about what we've got going between us. It's a challenge for me as the other men I've ended up in a serious relationship with all came on very strong in the beginning, so there was no ambiguity. This guy calls me nearly every day and we've been getting together about twice a week, but I can't gauge how into me he really is. Like you, we've been seeing each other for about a month and a half. It seems like most people think that you shouldn't have to ask, that the actions over time spell out what kind of relationship you have. But when *is* it right to have a conversation about where things are going...and can you expect the other person to answer honestly? For example, if you're the one who wants an FWB situation, and the other person asks you where the liaison is headed, would you outright say you see it headed nowhere? ANd how can you tell the difference between "taking it slow" and being cautious...and not really being interested?
stillafool Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Hi Guys, Okay, I'm curious on your opinions. What constitutes a FWB versus a relationship? Especially in the first few months two people are seeing each other. You should never settle for a FWB relationship if you know you want this person to be a bf. It is the same thing as a guy being "friendzoned" by a girl. Once you get there it is hard to move up. I know people who start out FWB and the next thing you know your FWB has a gf/bf. Of course it doesn't make sense to get angry about it.
Author 123BeachFan Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 I've got a similar situation to yours, Beachfan, and I'm also torn between pulling back (which is what I've chosen for now) and outright asking about what we've got going between us. It's a challenge for me as the other men I've ended up in a serious relationship with all came on very strong in the beginning, so there was no ambiguity. This guy calls me nearly every day and we've been getting together about twice a week, but I can't gauge how into me he really is. Like you, we've been seeing each other for about a month and a half. It seems like most people think that you shouldn't have to ask, that the actions over time spell out what kind of relationship you have. But when *is* it right to have a conversation about where things are going...and can you expect the other person to answer honestly? For example, if you're the one who wants an FWB situation, and the other person asks you where the liaison is headed, would you outright say you see it headed nowhere? ANd how can you tell the difference between "taking it slow" and being cautious...and not really being interested? Hi GreenCove, yes your situation sounds very similar to mine. I decided to chill out and bite the tongue for at least two weeks, and just see what develops. Last night we got together, but I just choked when it came to bringing up the subject on any level. I think I'll just wait and see
Zapbasket Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Good luck, Beachfan! I suppose as in all things, time is our friend and will reveal where things stand.
Author 123BeachFan Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Update: He's wanting a picnic next weekend where we both bring our kids . He says this is the first time his kids have met anyone he's dating, and wants them them to meet me "as his friend," for right now. The picnic with kids was completely his idea, and not anything I suggested. Though I'm very happy he suggested it. So, I'm taking all that to mean we're in a relationship, and definitely beyond the FWB thing.
tkgirl Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I must have missed the part about you both having kids.... I can kind of get why he doesn't like the "girlfriend" label now.... kids can have a big impact on how relationships can go... have fun on your picnic... with your "friend"!
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