BTLC23 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I have been through about half a dozen of those "How to get your ex back," bull**** guides and I am sure many of have you have too. Something I found interesting was in one of them, the guy says "You will get your ex back the moment you care less about losing them than they do." Obviously its a more long term process, but I feel that is a strong statement. Although I have changed myself back to the person I was when I met my ex, a lot of damage has been done, and it is not possible for her to see these changes in me. I was very emotional at the time but when I started to frequent this site I heard about no contact. Up until a few months ago I was friends with my ex on facebook and one day I wrote going to the bronx zoo, and she never updates her status or used to not and she wrote going to a halloween party tonight. A few weeks later I sent her a letter that I feel was excellent and well written and its on here if u click my name. She did not respond but put up pics of facebook showing her in some guys apartment but no pic of him. Then after I didn't respond to that she became facebook official. I do not know if these is a coincidence or evidence of the above. My ex my have thought I moved on faster but not talking to her than a powerful letter. But since then I ****ed it up by contacting her and telling her everything I felt and she is still ignoring me. So please don't make the same mistake and also no contact is good but now I feel that limited contact with a positive vibe would have been better because she just went to someone else. Can't say it would of not have happened anyway but who knows.
Author BTLC23 Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 Also, I am sure some of you can relate. I broke up with her in nov of 2008 for two months because I was unsure because we both lost our virginities to each other and I wanted to have sex with other girls but I had a fear of not finding anybody else so after two months we got back together and it was great. But the same problems came back and I started to feel guilty about not having the same feelings for her, one time I teared up after we had sex because I had to think about other girls to get it up for her and I am only 20. I think she sensed that and at the time I was hanging out with people who act like victims, and I became the same way and it brought up old feelings from my childhood and it was extremely unattractive to her, because I was very emotional and negative and talked about my problems and such. That all caused me to focus my energy on her and put her on a pedestal like she was some great thing which further drove her away. Point is I lost my attraction to her way before she did to me yet she broke up with me and I still want her back almost a year later. I have yet to meet anyone else I really liked and its more of you want what you cant have thing. Also its mostly about power I want my power back that I gave to her, like to get back with her and break up with her but I have learned thats wrong and I have to get my power back my own way. But easier said than done.
D-Lish Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 "You will get your ex back the moment you care less about losing them than they do." Limited contact and heartfelt letters only show her that you care more about losing her than she does losing you. The bottom line is that all the hope and strategies in the world won't bring back someone if they don't want to come back. Those are the things those little dating books don't tell you.
In-The-Wheat Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 (edited) I agree with d-lish (she gives great advice from what I've read btw)... I did the same thing with the girl that broke up with me (sent a heart felt email asking what happened, i cared about her, wanted to work it out, etc. etc.) but that was like the next day after she said things weren't working out - not months or a year down the road. Personally, I just wanted her to know exactly what I was feeling and thinking at the time and it made me feel better to just get it out. I figured at least she knows and I wont regret holding anything back... Since that happened its been zero contact for a few weeks now. Idk, I figure at least she really knows now & maybe, maybe one day she will realize what she passed up & will start to miss it. Until then though, you just gotta keep on keepin' on and do your thing. Its tough doing the exact opposite of what your heart/mind/soul is craving. Also when thinking about this stuff I always refer back to the opening scene in Swingers. If you're a little more torn up about it, this scene is awesome. Edited April 20, 2010 by In-The-Wheat
Bolts Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I did it!!!! I DROVE HER AWAY 100% with a breaking NC emotionally angry letter... which although full of truth, also proved I have no control over my emotions still.... DO NOT WATCH "The Notebook", "500 days of Summer"... etc... WATCH "SWINGERS"... takes notes... "the only thing you will do is give her reasons for NOT coming back..." awesome...
Author BTLC23 Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 Yea we were friends on facebook which I could used to my advantage but after the kid hacked her email which she thought was me. She defriended and blocked me. A friend of ours talked to her and she said that ignores all my attempts and watever. Ughhh
wavylocks Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I feel your pain. I was with a girl for 7 years, and 24 days after our break up she was "in a relationship" on facebook. I dont know how you could move on to someone new in 24 days after 7 years, but i think its just to cope. But it does hurt. But you need to start thinking about other things. If you want the power back, you have to be free from her.
Author BTLC23 Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 (edited) I am an idiot over the last two months I have been emailing her and texting her exactly what I am thinking. Although truth, some have been angry of emotional. I just can't stop contacting her, it is like I do not want to forget about her. In two months its gonna be a year that I have not seen her. I know it is probably bad but I just wanna make a quick vid showing I am back. I think it mostly for me, and although it might be a bad idea. Maybe my ego will let me move on because that is the closest I will get to seeing her in person. AHhhhhh I wish I could erase anything I sent her but that letter after I went no contact for two months mentioned above which was much more powerful and showed so much. I have said prob 20 times that this will be my last letter. I look desperate and pathetic, is there anyway to erase those mistakes, other than just to move on or will any attempt look the same. Edited April 22, 2010 by BTLC23
Bolts Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Easier said than done, but dont contact her (video or otherwise.) Coming from one who also recently just did the contacting her for 2 months and driving her away for good thing... dude... we know better. Here is a better one.... stop wishing she will come back becasue if she did... right now... are you in the shape to be in a relationship? You say you are ready to make a video to show the world how healthy you are... bu the audience is her? It sounds like if she came back she would have all the control over you... and that is not a healthy relationship. Go watch Swingers
Author BTLC23 Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 Yea Bolts, I just filmed myself talking and objectively I just look pathetic. Nothing about me personally just the fact I am sending a video of myself talking about stuff she did not care to talk about almost a year ago. Yes, she still knows that I want her even know though I said I don't, because I why would I contact her. Even though she has a new boyfriend, I am sure she still thinks of me as in case she don't find anybody else, back burner type. She has not had the time to actually miss me because I have never really disappeared. I think the longest I went NC was about two months over the last ten months. I really wish I have not said anything except that first letter. I also feel I pushed her away more. When her email got hacked she defriended me on facebook and xbox, which was probably a blessing so I could not look at it, that was still a push. Then when I messaged her something about our past, she blocked me. Five months doing ok, then one thing that was not even me screwed it up. From what the reasons are why do you think she won't talk to me. I think I mentioned that I went up there to see her after I saw the email (the kid sent me screens) and it really seemed like she wanted to make it work. I went up there after sending her a message at 6 am say I am coming to get you. I went to her job about two hours away walk around and see her. I am about ten feet away and say her name. She gets up with an angry/sad face and runs away. My boss calls me and I tell him what I am doing, he says to leave and plant the seed. I go to walk out after talking to him for 15 mins and I see her brother walking in. I turn around when he walks out and call his name like a idiot. Hes like I am gonna beat the **** outta you then a cop rolls up. He goes and talks to her, she is like yelling at the cop about me with some much anger I was blown away. She is still pissed at me. I don't know if this makes her feel guilty, she is annoyed, or she is mad at me because she thinks I ****ed up her plan. I feel like I got to get outta the picture for the real her to come up, the controlling jealous manipulating person she is so her relationship fails. I know that sounds crazy because any normal because knowing the above would not stand for that but I love the girl anyway. I think her being crazy is cute, I know its weird. I know I have seem the scenes from Swingers. I pushed it to far I just have to do the best I can so if we meet again she can see what she missed.
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