SummerLady Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I know I addressed this before. I am with a man who gives me zero reason to think he has ever or will ever cheat on me but still my mind wonders. For no reason. He recently went on a business trip and I was upset thinking about it. Again for no reason. My ex husband I found out cheated on me mostly on business trips. So that is the only reason. Not fair that I suspect this behavior due to my past experience. I keep it to myself, I do not bring it up or discuss. I know I have to work through this just hard to. It does not happen all the time but when it happens its like a kick in the gut. Make sense? Anyone have this happen. I think my SO would be disappointed if he knew I thought this as he is very decdicated to the relationship. But I am sure he would understand. Just don' t want to make an issue. Thoughts?
Woggle Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I would seek counseling. My trust issues constantly pop up with my current wife and I know that is unfair to her. Try to remember that him and your ex are two different men.
2sunny Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 the feeling is there for a reason - yet you deny it. the truth is there for a reason "he cheated" yet you deny it. a discussion needs to happen for many reasons - yet you will not allow it. your husband acts ok for a reason - yet you deny the true reason. does this look backwards enough to you yet? what are YOU going to do about it? keep your head in the sand without saying a word? or face reality and address it head on?
Author SummerLady Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 the feeling is there for a reason - yet you deny it. the truth is there for a reason "he cheated" yet you deny it. a discussion needs to happen for many reasons - yet you will not allow it. your husband acts ok for a reason - yet you deny the true reason. does this look backwards enough to you yet? what are YOU going to do about it? keep your head in the sand without saying a word? or face reality and address it head on? My ex cheated on me not my present SO. Not sure what you are talking about. I do not suspect he is cheating, I wonder if he will as this is my experience. This is all me, I am just wondering if others have gone through this. It is true paranoia and it bothers me.
2sunny Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 My ex cheated on me not my present SO. Not sure what you are talking about. I do not suspect he is cheating, I wonder if he will as this is my experience. This is all me, I am just wondering if others have gone through this. It is true paranoia and it bothers me. sorry for misinterpreting your situation. counseling could help. have you done extensive counseling?
lonelyandfrustrated Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 You seem to be under the impression that you should be okay with business trips. You don't have to be. That is a part of your life that you have some level of control over: ":I will not be married to someone who takes overnight business trips." You can go with him, or he can not go, but the very worst thing you can do is tie yourself in knots about it and not tell him why you're in a knot. I'm 'bout sick and dang tired of people trying to conform themselves to this perceived 'norm' that doesn't suit them. If business trips are a sensitivity to you, work around them! What would be your perfect world when it comes to business trips? Share this with your husband! Find a way to get as close to perfect as possible.
carhill Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Your past experiences have affected your perception and feelings wrt the present. Accept that. Does your SO know your past marital history and understand that your exH cheated on you while on business trips? Does he know how you feel? Like in a marriage, approach this as a team. Sure, counseling could help, and that's a great idea; make it a team approach, to build intimacy and your bond with each other.
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