cherubim Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 My wife had an abortion last yr after our stupid decison to try swinging. She hates me( we both agreed t it) and blames me. I can understand. Its been a year. She wants to move out as everytime she sees me she gets angry. I a have sought counselling andrehab therapy for the summer. She is doesnt want to go for counselling together and i respect that. I am not however into the idea of a trial separation. Half my family lives in Europe and i havent seen them in ten years. We were talking yesterday how things have gotten hard in the USA( I was born here) and maybe i should try a hand at business with my well to do releatives in Europe. I thought i may travel there in December to see how things are. She said why wait that long when you can go in June and she said i should get a one way ticket and spend time there and fine myself and establish some business and then by a return ticket to the states when im ready. She in the mean time will be busy with school. Any advice.
hardcandy Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 (edited) I'm assuming she got pregnant from another guy, while swinging. If that's the case, my guess would be your troubles revolve around that moreso than the swinging. I agree with you regarding the trial separation to me that's just a delay in divorce, however I'm not sure you have any other options. She doesn't wanna go to counciling, and she wants you to go to Europe. I can understand her wanting you to have an extended visit in Europe (she gets her separation), but to start a business. That seems a bit odd. She may be very confused, and not sure what she wants. Whatever you do don't be clingy or beg.. Even though she doesn't wanna go to counciling it might be a good idea for you to go yourself. I'm sorry this wasn't more helpful.. Good luck!! Edited April 20, 2010 by hardcandy
Author cherubim Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 Well she just applied for an apartment. Shes moving out. She says we will be seeing each other and calling and texting. But that I cant know where in this town she smoving to. Its a secret. She doesnt want me to know where she will be moving to. Its a secret. Im devastated. Why does she want to keep where she is moving to a secret.
JustJoe Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Even though both of you agreed to swinging, who's idea was it in the first place? And why didn't you use protection? An abortion is extremely hard on a woman, mentally. She is probably devestated and is trying to put the pieces of her self-esteem back together. Maybe this is for the best. She has left the marriage, emotionally, already, so I think that you should take care of yourself, and leave her alone. If she later, wants to re-connect, she will let you know. Sorry , but I think it's over between you, for now.
Ronni_W Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 cherubim, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Thing here is, as JustJoe says...it sounds like your wife is done. She told you that by suggesting that you go make a new life for yourself in Europe. She's telling it to you again by not wanting to give you her new address. Best guess as to why she does not want you to know where she lives is because she wants to make a new life for herself; a life that, unfortunately, does not include you. Best bet as to your next step: Make an appointment with a divorce lawyer, and let her know about it. She'll either welcome the news, or it may give her pause to reconsider her plans. Regardless, keep the appointment -- you may as well get informed about how to protect your rights and interests. It sucks, I know. Hugs.
stillafool Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Yes I have to agree with everyone else. I think after the swinging followed by the abortion your wife wants to get away from anything and anyone (you) who reminds her of these decisions. She is probably just as disgusted with herself right now. The best thing to do is leave her alone because chasing and begging her will make her resent you more.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 file for divorce, because seperation is just the precursor. I suggest you leave and go back to england. and i mean it's a relatively young marriage and you dont have any kids *snicker. But seriously what did she expect when swinging it could have went either way, you could have got some other female preggo. the condom could have broke. So the way i see it, she's dealing with her guilt by running away. So let her run. Take your ball and go home, make a decision about your life and move on. I would go back home and never contact her again, oh and file for divorce when your at it.
Author cherubim Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 Her school has 24 hour labs and people are always working in them all night till morning. I woke up at 5 am and she wasnt home. So i text her and after 30 minutes she text back saying that she went out with 2 guys from school and that she was now back at school and heading back home. That was 530 am but she didnt come in till 7 am. I asked her if she had fun and she said they just went out for two hours. Earlier in the day she said to work on my problems and she would return once i did that
stillafool Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Well she just applied for an apartment. Shes moving out. She says we will be seeing each other and calling and texting. But that I cant know where in this town she smoving to. Its a secret. She doesnt want me to know where she will be moving to. Its a secret. Im devastated. Why does she want to keep where she is moving to a secret. Because she doesn't want you to come over. Your wife may have another man.
Lizzie60 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I think she totally disrespect you.. and doesn't care if you stay or leave... don't be a doormat... if you're not comfortable in an open marriage.. then you have to leave... simple as that..
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