Beagle Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Hello everybody. I am a 46 year old man that has been happily married for almost 22 years. My wife and I have a single male friend from Europe that we have known for a long time. Recently however I get the feeling that my wife has developed an emotional attachment to him. The communicate via text quite often, and my wife acts hurt when he does not come to visit. Recently he visited us during an extended US vacation he left a bit earlier than my wife wanted. My wife was visibly hurt by this. She insists to me that he is just a friend but it looks the world to me that he has a place in her heart that I have never seen any other friend take. It hurts me, and I must admit it has made me feel incredibly insecure. My question out there is this: Should this bother me? Would it bother you? My wife has given me no other reason to feel insecure and has even physically reassure me while he was here, but I can't help from feeling that he is a bit more (emotionally) that a normal friend. I can't read her mind or her heart and am totally confused at how I should feel. I feel threatened by this but don't want to. Do I need to 'be a better man' and get over this, or tell her that it is just so hard for me to handle the level of emotional attachment she seems to have with him?
GorillaTheater Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Tough one. If they email regularly, I'd be tempted to install a keylogger just so you could see what you're dealing with. I don't know about intercepting texts, though you can at least check the frequency of the texting and perhaps you already have. Of course, the most obvious answer is to talk with her, but you don't want to come across as overly insecure AND, if your worst fears are true, chances are that she won't tell you the truth. This probably doesn't seem very helpful. The doubts and turmoil are very difficult to deal with, I know.
2sunny Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Hello everybody. I am a 46 year old man that has been happily married for almost 22 years. My wife and I have a single male friend from Europe that we have known for a long time. Recently however I get the feeling that my wife has developed an emotional attachment to him. The communicate via text quite often, and my wife acts hurt when he does not come to visit. Recently he visited us during an extended US vacation he left a bit earlier than my wife wanted. My wife was visibly hurt by this. She insists to me that he is just a friend but it looks the world to me that he has a place in her heart that I have never seen any other friend take. It hurts me, and I must admit it has made me feel incredibly insecure. My question out there is this: Should this bother me? Would it bother you? My wife has given me no other reason to feel insecure and has even physically reassure me while he was here, but I can't help from feeling that he is a bit more (emotionally) that a normal friend. I can't read her mind or her heart and am totally confused at how I should feel. I feel threatened by this but don't want to. Do I need to 'be a better man' and get over this, or tell her that it is just so hard for me to handle the level of emotional attachment she seems to have with him? be a husband who expects that his wife will respect him and hold him in high regard. the behavior your wife exhibits show that she is too attached to him for it to be healthy for your marriage. your gut is tugging at you that something is "off" and you need to pay attention to that signal. it means you need to be doing something about this. ask your wife if she's ever slept with him, or if she's been intimate or inappropriate with him. i'd bet money she has been. have you ever left them alone together? why did he leave early? is he married? what was the reason for him visiting? there are reasons for these changes and you need answers from your wife. her attachment to him is unhealthy for your M. she may need to cut any communication with him if she's put your M at risk. only approach her if you have a plan for change no matter which answer she is likely to give you. bottom line needs to be that since she is allowing her feelings of priority for another man to take precedence over you, things need to change. if she's unwilling to cut contact with him - you have your answer, she's in way deeper than you ever figured.
eraser Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Should this bother me? Yes. Would it bother you? Yes. Even if there is nothing physical going on right now, there are such things as emotional affairs. They can do as much damage as physical affairs. If you are sensing that she is pulling away from you and the two of them are becoming closer, this is probably what is happening. Lay down the law.
Bryanp Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 How do you think you wife would be acting if the roles were reversed and you had an emotional attachment to one of you and your wife's female friends?
reservoirdog1 Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Tough one. If they email regularly, I'd be tempted to install a keylogger just so you could see what you're dealing with. Totally agree with this. What you've described certainly sounds troubling. But you need more evidence.
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Do I need to 'be a better man' and get over this, or tell her that it is just so hard for me to handle the level of emotional attachment she seems to have with him? How is your marriage at the moment? What would your wife say about you as a husband? I ask these questions because if your marriage is in a good place, then this should not be happening. You need to do two things. 1. Talk to her openly about this guy, tell her that you have a bad gut feeling and that you want communication to end for a while. If she says no, then you know for sure there is an issue. 2. Before you have that talk... step it up as a husband. Communicate better, romance her, apply affection... ect.
jnj express Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 You need to put a stop to her behavior---sit her down, and let her know how you feel----she doesn't get to play the 'HE IS JUST A FRIEND CARD' Married women don't get to have heavy associations with single men---plain and simple. TELL HER, it stops now, and do not let her put you off in any way shape or form. Then be prepared for her to try to sneak around you to stay in contact-----Play hardball and see where she goes---but do tell her it stops now---she needs to know this is bothering you, and she is disrespecting you and her mge.----Remember she doesn't get to play he is just a friend card.
Recommended Posts