tavoludo Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 (edited) Ok we have been separated for 2 weeks already, and she said she wanted to divorce after a long week of fighting. We are both in our twenties and kind of immature. I left and have not contacted her to give her space because i know that i am at fault and pushed her to this decision. I asked her to reconsider that day but she didn't and hasn't mentioned anying to make be think she has changed her mind. I love her but i know is better to give her space and avoid over contacting her, so i havent since. Anyway, we didn't hear fon each other in more than a week and just the last few days she has sent me texts and emails asking me for small favors that easily she could've asked somebody else or even do it herself. My believe is that when you really want to get rid of somebody you avoid at all cost keeping in contact or even contacting the person you want to divorce seems like a bae idea. i mean is not like i have begged for keepinG in contact even though i love her so much. We have been married for 2 years and although we have had issues i can say we still love each other but we got to a breaking point where we both were so tired of the constant fighting. Could you help me to sort this thing out? Edited April 19, 2010 by tavoludo
Drummergirl_23 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Marriage is not something I personally take lightly and hopefully you and her don't either. Give her some time to cool off and then try to discuss things with her calmly without arguing and fighting. Divorce is not as simple as just breaking up with someone you aren't married to so I feel like the "No contact" rule may be a little too harsh. Don't pester her, don't fight, or be a jerk. Calmly tell her that you think the both of you need to sit down and talk things over before rushing to a decision out of anger and frustration.
Author tavoludo Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 (edited) I have given her space, no contact, every time we have contacted each other is because she has started it. I am not at all cold or disrespectful but nice and helpful. I just want to be calm and hope for the best, even her tone changed from being too business like to something more human and even wishing me a happy day. I know it's been 2 weeks and dont even know how i am managing to be so clear headed, i am going to counseling and reading self help books and i guess thats why i have become more patient. She loves me but she is really hurt, the counselor told me to write a letter to let her now how i feel and i'm taking it to him this week so he can check it before i send it. i guess 3 weeks is a good timing to start taking about future. The letter is to express my feelings not in any way beg or ask her for a decision anytime soon. I just get to hopeful when she reminds about me even if she is just asking for small favors Edited April 19, 2010 by tavoludo
Drummergirl_23 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 It sounds like you are doing everything that you can to show her that you know you need to make a change and are willing and able to make a change. Its up to her to accept this and be open to reconcile or not. All you can do it continue to improve yourself and maybe after a little more time suggest to her that ya'll sit down and talk about things and the direction of your relationship. I don't really know the whole story but it sounds like ya'll had a bunch of bad arguments and in a fit of rage she threw out the dreaded D word. Of course, I don't know the whole back story but it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Just let her come to you and in the mean time keep up the self-improvement.
Author tavoludo Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 Well we both threw the D word, the difference is that i took it back and she hasnt after 2 weeks. It's just too hard sometimes, i love her with all my heart
Drummergirl_23 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Keep your head up! You can't control her or her actions/what she wants. All you can do is give it your all, swallow your pride and put your heart on the line. I think its better to experience an instance of rejection than a lifetime of regret. At least you will know in your heart that you did everything you could to save the relationship. Have you told her how you feel, that you're sorry and all the steps you are taking to change the negative behavior?? Maybe she is just waiting to see if you are truly committed to changing and improving yourself vs. just SAYING you are changing and then when she gives in you revert back to past behavior. I don't mean to imply that you are the only party at fault for the break-up, I just sort of got the feeling from your posts that you did something to hurt her pretty bad. (i.e. you hurt her so bad that you need to write a letter).
GorillaTheater Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. Take your time, be patient. Very patient. I realize you're separated, but to the extent you can SHOW her you've changed. Never tell her you've changed, she has to see that for herself. And keep on working on you.
Author tavoludo Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 Hmmmm not really bad i mean we both have bad tempers and whenever we fight we explode. The letter was the idea of thr counselor because i told him how i felt and i didnt know if i needed to rush things or just let her have her peace to think things over and he said to write a letter, i guess it's better to send a letter than calling her because in that way she wont feel pressured to answer. Thats what i dont want, push her again like we have been doing to each other the last year. Our main problem is the bad temper and that's why i am going to counseling, i was too fulrstrated with everyhing in my life.
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