Drummergirl_23 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I just wanted to update everyone on my situation. Almost 2 months ago, my girlfriend (I am also a woman) dumped me saying we weren't getting along, needed space, blah blah. Well, we kept in contact and it hasn't been easy at all. We've had lots of arguments and b*tching matchs but I finally went to visit her this weekend (it is also an LDR). When I got there we started talking about things. Lately she's been talking down to me alot (I sorta see this as her own way of exerting the power she KNOWS she has over me and generally making me feel like crap). One of the things that I've tried to work on for myself is my patience/temper/etc. so I've been relatively passive when she wants to resort to her verbal assaults. Well, we started talking about things and she once again blew up over something and I tried with everything inside me not to react and just let it roll off my shoulders, but finally I snapped. I screamed at her at the top of my lungs "Why do you do this, why do you make me act like a raging b*tch and then make me out to be the bad guy. This is the reaction you want so I'm giving it to you, are you happy now?" and she just sat there kinda quiet (for once) and I was like "f this, I'm leaving". I started loading my car and when I turned the car on she stopped me and apologized and said I was right and that she just gets frustrated. Strangely, it was like her whole attitude changed after that and after seeing me FINALLY stand up for myself, she may have gained a little respect for me. Why are women like that? I mean its like I've been trying to be a sweet, nice, understanding person (aka: I've been walking on eggshells) and its like finally when I lose it and cuss her out like a douche bag she suddenly has a little more respect. wtf?? I know this probably sounds completely unhealthy and disfunctional but after that, we had a nice weekend. There was a little further bickering but she did not speak to me the way she normally does. After a fun and drama free Sunday, I'm happy to say we are giving it another try. I know its gonna be hard, I'll probably get some comments about how we shouldn't be together but the fact of the matter is we are both stubborn, hard-headed people and that's ok. I think we both just need to learn how to compromise and respect one another and put the relationship above ego, pride, being "right" all the time. Thanks for the support I got from everyone and who knows, this all may blow up in my face in a week and I'll be back on here spilling my guts, lol.
northstar1 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I just wanted to update everyone on my situation. Almost 2 months ago, my girlfriend (I am also a woman) dumped me saying we weren't getting along, needed space, blah blah. Well, we kept in contact and it hasn't been easy at all. We've had lots of arguments and b*tching matchs but I finally went to visit her this weekend (it is also an LDR). When I got there we started talking about things. Lately she's been talking down to me alot (I sorta see this as her own way of exerting the power she KNOWS she has over me and generally making me feel like crap). One of the things that I've tried to work on for myself is my patience/temper/etc. so I've been relatively passive when she wants to resort to her verbal assaults. Well, we started talking about things and she once again blew up over something and I tried with everything inside me not to react and just let it roll off my shoulders, but finally I snapped. I screamed at her at the top of my lungs "Why do you do this, why do you make me act like a raging b*tch and then make me out to be the bad guy. This is the reaction you want so I'm giving it to you, are you happy now?" and she just sat there kinda quiet (for once) and I was like "f this, I'm leaving". I started loading my car and when I turned the car on she stopped me and apologized and said I was right and that she just gets frustrated. Strangely, it was like her whole attitude changed after that and after seeing me FINALLY stand up for myself, she may have gained a little respect for me. Why are women like that? I mean its like I've been trying to be a sweet, nice, understanding person (aka: I've been walking on eggshells) and its like finally when I lose it and cuss her out like a douche bag she suddenly has a little more respect. wtf?? I know this probably sounds completely unhealthy and disfunctional but after that, we had a nice weekend. There was a little further bickering but she did not speak to me the way she normally does. After a fun and drama free Sunday, I'm happy to say we are giving it another try. I know its gonna be hard, I'll probably get some comments about how we shouldn't be together but the fact of the matter is we are both stubborn, hard-headed people and that's ok. I think we both just need to learn how to compromise and respect one another and put the relationship above ego, pride, being "right" all the time. Thanks for the support I got from everyone and who knows, this all may blow up in my face in a week and I'll be back on here spilling my guts, lol. This is troubling, when there is a mismatch in the relationship and one exerts power over the other. I wish you luck, but until there is a recognition of this and how it affects the relationship, it will continue to happen.
Author Drummergirl_23 Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 (edited) This is troubling, when there is a mismatch in the relationship and one exerts power over the other. I know what you mean buts its almost like she is sorta acting out so I will stand up for myself a little and be more independent. Everyone knows when someone asks for a "break" or outright dumps you, you sorta become EXTRA needy and try to bend yourself into what you THINK they want so they will take you back. Our "break" didn't happen overnight and I saw the writing on the wall in advance, so I admit, I became needy. I think over time, she sort of lost respect for me because she knew she could step all over me and push every one of my buttons and I would still be there basically asking for more please! So her talking to me like she has been, I think its maybe her subconsciencely trying to make me snap so I'll stand up for myself. I may be totally over-analysing but women are... Let's just say it would TOTALLY be in a woman's capacity to do something so conveluted and ridiculous. Women can be total mind-f***s. And I can say this because a) I am a woman and b) I date them. All I can do is hope that the power scale shifts back to a more equal balance so we both respect eachother but maintain our own self-respect and independence. If it continues, I am prepared to walk away. She saw that and so now she knows the stakes. Edited April 19, 2010 by Drummergirl_23
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