Is it over?

[Cantcope]

Long one here, but without history, you can't understand.

My ex and I met at work. Hung out a lot, slept together and really enjoyed our time together. He refused to call me his girlfriend, refused to say we were dating, but would say that we were "monogomous friends", meaning we're not a couple, but we aren't seeing anyone else. I decided that since he didn't want to be my boyfriend, I would date other men. Only went on 2-3 other dates but all I thought about was him. I hoped somehow that this would kickstart his emotions and make him realize he wanted to be with me. It was always a rocky relationship. I like to communicate via text, him...not so much. So I would text him, sometimes not get a reply for hours...or at all, and I would get mad. I thought it was common courtesy to respond, he felt otherwise. A year goes by and he finally decides to be my official "boyfriend". No one at work can no though, because dating here is prohibited. We had some good times and he was awesome with my son. We would go through periods of each saying we can't take the others crap anymore and we would stop talking for a few days, only to end it with one of us texting the other "hi". Fast forward again....here we are, 18 months into this, he's throwing in my face that I cheated on him by dating these other guys over a year ago when we weren't even together. We had a HUGE fight one night, he got really nasty with me and when I went to knock his hat off of his head, I accidentally hit him. He called me abusive, etc., and said he wanted to take a break. I could barely cope with that. I entered counseling. Here it is 8 weeks later, he's still throwing the other men in my face and the fact that I hit him. We never really sat down and discussed things. Last week he found out (from me, because I am totally honest) that I've been emailing another guy (a vendor of mine just split with his fiance of 4 years and is heartbroken). I told him that it was nothing but me offering words of advice to someone that was hurt. He says I was trying to start a relationship with another man. The next day a friend of mine passed away. He was so damn cold that he wouldn't even talk to me. Sent me a text saying "sorry for your loss, take care". That night I sent him a text that I was through (we've both done that before). Here it is now, 1 week later. I can do nothing but think about him. It consumes me!! I sent him a text yesterday, kind of groveling, and his reply was "I'm out of gas on this....I can't argue anymore. We don't see eye to eye on too many things, hope one day we can be friends". BOY did I grovel after that. Did the whole pathetic...."please give me one more chance" stuff. All ignored. Today he tells me "Leave me alone". Now I know that I should. And I know how retarded this probably all sounds! Why do I still want him? He was never emotionally supportive....he's never even told his family about me! I'm a 34 year old single mom, and for some reason, I'm desperate for love. Is it his love I seek, or any love? So...if you would....please tell me where to go from here. No contact? Grovel? Am I silly in hoping that with no contact, he'll come back? I'm all over the place. Help....please! The worst part....I have to see him at work everyday. Just reading your words will help. Thanks!