Owl Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Hmmm...but what if he (like the majority of people out there) actually wants a spouse who is faithful to him, and isn't interested in an open marriage himself? If that's what he wanted, I would have thought he would have come to that option already.
Lizzie60 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Hmmm...but what if he (like the majority of people out there) actually wants a spouse who is faithful to him, and isn't interested in an open marriage himself? If that's what he wanted, I would have thought he would have come to that option already. I know.. but in this case.. she just isn't interested in him sexually... she won't be faithful to him... she knows she can wipe her feet on him... what are his options... he won't leave her..
Owl Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I see your reasoning, Lizzie. As I've said in another thread to someone else...if you're not willing to do something to change the situation, you're tacitly accepting it. And it applies to this situation as well...he needs to either do something about it...or accept it and embrace it. To the OP...this begs the questions: 1. What ARE your boundaries about what's acceptable and not acceptable in your marriage? 2. What are you truly willing to do about actions/behaviors that cross those boundaries? If you've not considered them before, I'd say that you need to figure these out now, in a hurry, so that you can pick out your next steps.
seibert253 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 (edited) Thank you all ever so much for your advice, you don't know how great it is to be able to share this with someone else. I cant say I know what I'm going to do right now, I think I need to let the feelings subside and not do anything stupid. Unfortunately I have no way of contacting the OM's partner, I only know her by name but I do have the OM's email address from the chat transcripts. Maybe I should just send him an email and request that he breaks all contact unless he wants his partner to find out... There I go again, protecting the feelings of my wife first and foremost. Randolf, Here comes a 2X4, get ready 'cause I send this with love: WTF are you doing? Your head is stuck in a hole, pretending this will all go away. No it will not. Your wife will continue to use and disrespect you for as long as you let her. Come on dude, enough is enough. Stand up for yourself and your kids. There, enough of that. Really man, we all care and want this to work out for you, but we can't do this for you, you gotta do the leg work. Maybe it's time to play your cards and propose this to her: "I know what your doing, I know about the emails and chats with OM, and I know about your meetings when his wife is out of town." "IMO you are having an affair with him, and nothing you say will convince me otherwise". "You have two options here, you can end all contact with OM and work or repairing our marriage, or you can continue your present activities and I will D you". Edited April 19, 2010 by seibert253
hopesndreams Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 She has been having an affair with this man for years. For years, you have been lied to, deceived, betrayed and she's been off having fun, physically, meeting up for a drink, OH PLEASE, C'MON!! and emotionally with emails, chats, phone calls and texts. Do you deserve any of this? H*ll, no! By what you have written, you have a good heart, a niceness about you and you have wasted years of your life with someone that does not appreciate those qualities. She is abusing and making a fool of you. Why are you afraid of losing a cheater? Your self-esteem must be in the toilet. It's time to put you first. Think with your brain now, not with your heart. Don't waste anymore of the years you have left on this earth for someone so undeserving.
Mary3 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 If you don't mind her pretending your penis is his penis.... If you don't mind her using this affair to make her sex life hotter... Grow a Backbone ! You don't want to be Alone. That is the Crux of this whole mess. Get right . Get whole and start a New Life ! Get out ! Otherwise her boinkin you and pretending its him is just going to continue...
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