daddypop1 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 So my wife and I are trying to make our marriage work. We were about 2 weeks from the divorce being finalized and she realized that she still had strong feelings for me as I did for her. Problem is she was in a relationship for 6 months with a man that she was really close to and never had any problems with at all. I know she still thinks about him alot and I have been trying to be supportive. Thats one thing that our relationship lacked over 13 yrs was honesty and open communication. In the past I wouldve gotten mad at her for something like this but not anymore, Im just trying to be there for her. We have been back together for almost 2 weeks now and we havent fought at all but I can tell when she is feeling depressed. She feels like she has lost a good friend and I know she still wants to talk to him. Is there anyway I can help her get over this?
kyta Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 yeah u can get rid of her, and let the other man have the hassles of being with her.
hopesndreams Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Keep holding her hand and say, "There, there dear. In time, he will become a distant memory." All the while, you will be left wondering if they will hook up again. What did you expect to happen? You're only a few weeks in. This nonsense (her heartache) can go on for years. I am so glad I'm not in your shoes.
2yearsNC Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 i feel sorry for you. your wife is upset because you took away her lover. wow, you are truely a good guy. i pity you.
Author daddypop1 Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 I am truly an idiot....After being with her for two weeks, calling off the divorce and moving in with her, she doesnt want to be with me anymore. She doesnt want to walk around the house forcing herself to try and have feelings for me. She wants to be able to treat her husband the way a wife should and be able to give me more....But she cant. She feels trapped being around me. But she claims over and over this isnt about the other guy. This is about our relationship and she thinks that she has never really truly been in love with me. She wants all these things but it just isnt there.
hopesndreams Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 But she claims over and over this isnt about the other guy. You know that this is what it is really all about. Cheaters lie, big time. They even believe their own lies. She has never really truly been in love with you eh? Pull the other one. Let her go. Let her go find happiness with someone that cheats with her. What a pair. And even if she wasn't wanting to be with the OM, she wants the butterflies in the stomach feeling from some other man. She isn't capable of a deep, mature love. You are. Know when to stop fighting for something that can't be fought for. Now is a good time.
whichwayisup Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Divorce her. She's in a fog and has re-written her history with you, convincing herself that she never was in love with you. Duh, she obviously loved you, otherwise you two never would have gotten married to begin with. She has forgotten this.. I know you're hurting. Sorry for your pain.. But, kick her out. Talk to your lawyer and start up the paper work. She can't go back and forth anymore. I mean, who's to say in 3 weeks from now she may change her mind and want to come back???
2yearsNC Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 when they cheat... its over...... your relationship is going to be nothing but hurt from this point out. keep up with the divorce, your only enabling your wife to leave you even more by not doing what was originally intended. your giving her time to validate her decision its was YOU and HER, and now its HER and her lover Your not in the life picture anymore. you'll sort it out in in therapy.....
Author daddypop1 Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 U all dont even know how stupid I feel. I have taken her back and dealt with this **** for years. Always thought if we made it through all this it would be good and I thought she could change. In a way she said its my fault for enabling her. She has no regrets at all cuz it has made her who she is today. She seems so different. Honest and open, and very spiritual. I stopped the divorce so now I have to start it over again. Ugh.... She says some pretty harsh things to me. We never should of gotten married or had kids. She has never been in love with me, just thought she was. She learned to love me and the relationship. We were never friends. 9 times out of 10 she only had sex with me to make me happy. With this other guy, they started out as friends for six months before they started a relationship so everything is real. No problems at all, and they have alot of fun together. God I feel like complete ****....Feel like I was used the whole time. : (
whichwayisup Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I am so sorry. Your wife is piece of work and very cruel too. I nearly threw up reading what she said to you!! That's just plain mean to say those things to you! Focus on your kids, love them, make them feel secure and safe. Talk to your lawyer, try to get custody of them and allow HER visition (and OM isn't allowed near your kids) with them. Let her move out of the house.. She has rewritten history to justify her actions. And, one day this will come bite her in the butt. But by then it'll be too late.. Take care of you, your kids and keep posting..
ilovevictoria Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 My god, you poor man... Let me tell you now that it isn't true, she is just warping her memories to make herself feel better for destroying you. I don't even know how a person can say those things, after you were ready to take her back, forgive her for cheating and breaking you down. I think its cruel that she is doing this to you and your kids, I agree with whichway and that you should try to get custody and just focus on them because that woman... I just can't believe the cruelty!
2yearsNC Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 your wife is on a high. soon it will come crashing down carry fourth with the divorce, in a few years she'll regret it (maybe) either way, she 100% totally does not love you nor respect you. its over
mikeymad Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 dude, it's called gaslighting. She wants out, and by making you an insignificant blip on her radar, or even by turning you into a" bad guy", she is telling herself she is jusified in leaving you. That way she doesn't have to feel guilty for what she is doing to you. She doesn't want to "force" herself to have feelings for you, fine. Let her go. She's got her own crap to figure out. In the meantime, you got kids, and someone else out there who does respect you.
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