Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 (edited) So I've been taking the advice of some of the people here and making an effort to get to know some of the staff at some of the clubs and lounges I've been hanging out in. Bouncers are a bit of a tough shell to crack, but once you're in and if you're in on off nights enough times, it's easy to befriend bar-tenders, DJ's, etc. I've been making an effort to get to know a female bartender at a high-end lounge I've been frequenting on the weekends. She's cute, but significantly older and has a boyfriend, but "no biggie," I thought; I've been trying to apply some "social proof" theory I learned on dating sites (that women value men who have female friends and acquaintances) and she actually invited me to a party last night thrown by a DJ who rented a warehouse. It cost $30 to get in, but it was free drinks all night (including some pretty top-shelf stuff; Grey Goose, Johnny Walker Black, Petron, etc) so as long as you drank a lot, you did pretty well for your money. That and all the women there were really beautiful. I'm not exaggerating; these women were gorgeous; girls of every nationality and race with perfect hair and skin and face and bodies in little black and red dresses. The problem was that for every 1 of these girls there were 6 guys. I'm not joking; I checked out the facebook page and a little over 200 people attended, but only 30 were girls. Whereever I saw one of these girls I saw a whole bunch of other guys swarming around them trying to get her attention and make conversation. I really didn't see any opportunity to get to even try to introduce myself to any of these women (and if I did, what I could I possibly have said that they hadn't heard from a dozen other guys that night?) I thought if I stuck with the girl who attended I'd be good but she was working the open bar there, so unless I was getting drinks I really didn't get a chance to speak with her. After that, I really didn't feel like rubbing shoulders with a bunch of dudes. I even over heard a guy saying "Yo, this place is a sausage fest. Let's get out of here" to his friend (for you ladies, that's a party with a disproportionately high number of men.) What is a guy supposed to do? I mean, I came dressed well (a lot of guys came in baggy jeans and tacky polos button-ups, I came in with slim fitting dress pants and crisp, cuff-linked shirt with the top two buttons undone; I was drinking expensive whiskeys while most the guys were pounding down beers) What else could I have done? And what could I do if I'm ever caught in this situation again? Edited April 19, 2010 by Don'tWannabeAWannabe
USMCHokie Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Lesson 1: You don't go to those environments to meet women. You go there to have fun with your friends or the people you're there with.
ADF Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Welcome to the world of clubs. The male/female ratio in clubs is often horribly skewed, with men outnumbering women by a large margin. 6 to 1 is not even that bad. Worse, every one of those guys is after a hook up. The fact is clubs are terrible places to meet women. That sounds counter intuitive, but it's true. Clubs are not happy, go-lucky places where people get together to have fun. Not at all. Clubs are nasty, competitive, and occasionally violent places where drunken, aggressive guys go to try to impress women AND belittle and humiliate other men. The club scene in most cities is UGLY. Women know this. That is why so many of the women you meet in clubs have such an attitude. They know the place is crawling with creeps looking for a chance to grope them or, at best, get an easy hook up. This makes the women hyper-defensive and especially hard to talk to.
EricaH329 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Lesson 1: You don't go to those environments to meet women. You go there to have fun with your friends or the people you're there with. Lesson 2: Always, always, always refer back to Lesson 1.
TheBigQuestion Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Unless your game is absolutely top-notch, it's pointless to try to meet women at these types of events. You need to be able to engage an entire group, males and females, and then sort of "work your way" to the one that you want to get closer to. It's not easy to do and I certainly do not have the social skills to pull it off.
skydiveaddict Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 a good place to meet women is at a starbucks or similar coffee house
skydiveaddict Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I'm glad I don't go to clubs. heh This does nor apply to dj's of course
bananaboat11 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 a good place to meet women is at a starbucks or similar coffee house I've honestly never had the balls to approach a woman in a coffee shop.
skydiveaddict Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I've honestly never had the balls to approach a woman in a coffee shop. weren't you the one hitting on the girl that worked at a starbucks?
bananaboat11 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 weren't you the one hitting on the girl that worked at a starbucks? she hit on me. And yes, we went out.
Author Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 Welcome to the world of clubs. The male/female ratio in clubs is often horribly skewed, with men outnumbering women by a large margin. 6 to 1 is not even that bad. Worse, every one of those guys is after a hook up. The fact is clubs are terrible places to meet women. That sounds counter intuitive, but it's true. Clubs are not happy, go-lucky places where people get together to have fun. Not at all. Clubs are nasty, competitive, and occasionally violent places where drunken, aggressive guys go to try to impress women AND belittle and humiliate other men. The club scene in most cities is UGLY. Women know this. That is why so many of the women you meet in clubs have such an attitude. They know the place is crawling with creeps looking for a chance to grope them or, at best, get an easy hook up. This makes the women hyper-defensive and especially hard to talk to. What about lounges? The more laid-back places without a dance floor or blaring music?
bananaboat11 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 What about lounges? The more laid-back places without a dance floor or blaring music? Pick up a hobby... get involved with your community. go to a local coffee shop on a regular basis / become a reg. you'll have better chances.
skydiveaddict Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 What about lounges? The more laid-back places without a dance floor or blaring music? not a bad choice either. much better than a club
USMCHokie Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 What about lounges? The more laid-back places without a dance floor or blaring music? Ironically, in today's society, social places seem to be the worst environments for meeting people for relationships... Social networking is your best bet...
Author Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 If clubs and parties are bad places, this is why I was hoping to have a "wing-woman" with this lounge-girl, but she was actually working at the party rather than partying. I guess it leads to another question; something I've noticed not only at this event but all through college as well; why is so hard to get girls to hang out? I'm not talking about going out with them, I mean just coming out to chat and hang out at a party or club or whatever? Like I said, there were only 30 girls at this event, but a lot more were invited.
ADF Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 What about lounges? The more laid-back places without a dance floor or blaring music? I am not sure what you mean by a "lounge." Do mean like a tavern--i.e. a neighborhood bar? That could work, except that few women frequent those. The basic rule is this: stay away from places where hordes of drunken, aggressive guys show up looking for hookups. It is not just a problem of the ratio. The whole dynamic in places like that is ugly. I can't say much more without knowing what a "lounge" is. I live in Chicago, and it is possible that is just not a term people use here.
USMCHokie Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 If clubs and parties are bad places' date=' this is why [b']I was hoping to have a "wing-woman"[/b] with this lounge-girl, but she was actually working at the party rather than partying. This helps. Last Sunday I went out with Erica for Sunday Funday in her town and I got a number with her help...and it was a Sunday...and it wasn't a major urban environment...so it definitely helps... But then again the woman who gave me the number thought I was gay...
EricaH329 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 But then again the woman who gave me the number thought I was gay... ...And when she found out you weren't, she was all over it!
Romance Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Really in places like that it's gonna come down to what you look like. Posting a pic would probably help. Personally, when guys compete over me and like are all showing each other up to get to me at a club I'm disgusted, I don't want that. No girl really does, unless she's a drunken attention whore. Sounds like you were dressed nice, i can appreciate a nice pair of dress pants and a button up.
skydiveaddict Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 ...And when she found out you weren't, she was all over it! I knew there was more to the story
Author Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 Ironically, in today's society, social places seem to be the worst environments for meeting people for relationships I know, it's really getting ridiculous. Was there EVER a time when bars and clubs were good places to meet people?
TheBigQuestion Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I know, it's really getting ridiculous. Was there EVER a time when bars and clubs were good places to meet people? It depends on what kind of people you're trying to meet.
Author Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 Just tell me, was there ANYTHING I could have done last night? Did I have a chance with ANY of these girls? How could I have weaved in to her? (and I really didn't notice any belligerency from other guys at the party)
boogieboy Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 and if I did, what I could I possibly have said that they hadn't heard from a dozen other guys that night? What else could I have done? And what could I do if I'm ever caught in this situation again? See this? I told you that you had NO clue what you were doing. This is exactly the situation that I told you about, but you dont want to do the work to get to know PUA techniques. This is the place where only the PUA techniques work, and you have no clue what to do because youre too proud to try something new. Youre going to continue to be stuck with these scenarios until you step up to the plate. You need game to make yourself different from the other 200 guys there, and unless you study up, you might as well quit going to the clubs. Its all about game, so I had to requote your boy..... Unless your game is absolutely top-notch, it's pointless to try to meet women at these types of events. You need to be able to engage an entire group, males and females, and then sort of "work your way" to the one that you want to get closer to. It's not easy to do and I certainly do not have the social skills to pull it off.
Recommended Posts