tigressA Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I put "single" in quotes because officially, I wasn't in a relationship. But I was dating the guy I ended things with the other day for over 4 months. Why did I end it? Something I saw that was at once inconsequential and monumental. I was on my IM service and saw the "Away" message of my old high school friend, who is getting married next summer. It simply said, "With my love for the day!" I had seen this same status message from her countless times, but there was something about it that really hit home this last time. I realized that I didn't see myself ever calling the guy I was seeing my love...and did I really want to be with him if that was the case? I told myself, "No." I'm glad I gave it the old college try with him; he is a great guy and we did have a lot of fun together. But he deserves more than what I've found I can give him as far as depth of feeling and commitment. I want to find someone who I would love to call my love, who would love to call me his love. It hasn't happened yet, but I know it will. In the meantime, I'm not going to pretend to be perfectly happy with less than that.
alphamale Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 you haven;t found the right bad boy yet tigressA
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I put "single" in quotes because officially, I wasn't in a relationship. But I was dating the guy I ended things with the other day for over 4 months. Why did I end it? Something I saw that was at once inconsequential and monumental. I was on my IM service and saw the "Away" message of my old high school friend, who is getting married next summer. It simply said, "With my love for the day!" I had seen this same status message from her countless times, but there was something about it that really hit home this last time. I realized that I didn't see myself ever calling the guy I was seeing my love...and did I really want to be with him if that was the case? I told myself, "No." I'm glad I gave it the old college try with him; he is a great guy and we did have a lot of fun together. But he deserves more than what I've found I can give him as far as depth of feeling and commitment. I want to find someone who I would love to call my love, who would love to call me his love. It hasn't happened yet, but I know it will. In the meantime, I'm not going to pretend to be perfectly happy with less than that. The world is far too full of people who love only "for the day", and do so "countless times".
Author tigressA Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 The world is far too full of people who love only "for the day", and do so "countless times". I'm not sure how this is relevant to what I wrote... Kinda wondering if you misinterpreted something.
Kaplan Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 This is how people should be. Everyone thinks it's so bad to be single, but it's better to be single than to be with someone you don't really want. That way you're available in case someone you really want comes along.
Author tigressA Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 This is how people should be. Everyone thinks it's so bad to be single, but it's better to be single than to be with someone you don't really want. That way you're available in case someone you really want comes along. Yeah, it's not that I didn't want him, period--I did, quite a bit. I just realized that I didn't "really" want him--as in want him at the level I am capable of wanting someone.
JustJoe Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 TA, I think you've made a very wise decision. You are a very beautiful and talented Lady and one day you will find the man you are searching for. Good Luck!!
Crazy Magnet Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I wondered where you had been! I like your dating updates. It sounds like you know what you want and you're going after it. Good for you! You can't find Mr. Right if you're with Mr. Wrong. Ha! I'll be interested to see how you're dating life goes now that you're back on the market. In other words, keep us updated.
Author tigressA Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 Thank you, JJ and CM. I haven't been around a whole lot lately; I was really busy rehearsing for my show that took place over the weekend (a great success, BTW). I had ended things with him on Monday. He looked kind of battered by it...but better now than later. I still have my online profile up--this was never a problem when we were dating because he's had his up the entire time too. I've gotten some messages this week. I've decided to focus on just one at a time, haha. One person in particular looks promising; we've talked a couple of times...I'm sure I'll have some material to post fairly soon...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I'm not sure how this is relevant to what I wrote... Kinda wondering if you misinterpreted something. I thought you said your "old high school friend" wrote "with my love for the day".
Ruby Slippers Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 This is how people should be. Everyone thinks it's so bad to be single, but it's better to be single than to be with someone you don't really want. That way you're available in case someone you really want comes along. Agreed. I'm single right now, and lately it sucks and I'm lonely and I really want to have sex. But I would much rather wallow a bit on my own than be lame and halfhearted with someone I'm not really into.
123BeachFan Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Tigress, I commend you on being able to recognize that the spark just isn't there with your efBF, and that you were able to move on. Good luck in your search
EasyHeart Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Yeah, it's not that I didn't want him, period--I did, quite a bit. I just realized that I didn't "really" want him--as in want him at the level I am capable of wanting someone.I wish more people were like you. I think most people are afraid to be alone or afraid of the social stigma attached to not having a BF/GF. It's not fair to the other person if you know that you are never going to have true loving feelings for them, but you still continue to date them, just waiting for something 'better' to come along. Or if you just go through the motions of dating. I think most of the heartbreak caused in dating is caused by people being selfish. You've shown that real maturity and empathy by moving on when you realized this relationship was not the right one for you. Congrats!
123BeachFan Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I think most of the heartbreak caused in dating is caused by people being selfish. Boy, isn't that the truth!
EthanH Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Tigress, You sound to be in exactly the same position as my ex... and i'm still in a mess about it... do you have skype or msn? could we speak about it? I just want an impartial opinion and I'm not sure no matter how much i write on here, i can get much understanding...
gypsy_nicky Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I wish more people were like you. I think most people are afraid to be alone or afraid of the social stigma attached to not having a BF/GF. It's not fair to the other person if you know that you are never going to have true loving feelings for them, but you still continue to date them, just waiting for something 'better' to come along. Or if you just go through the motions of dating. I think most of the heartbreak caused in dating is caused by people being selfish. You've shown that real maturity and empathy by moving on when you realized this relationship was not the right one for you. Congrats! I agree. Finding and waiting for the "one" is worth it.
Author tigressA Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 I thought you said your "old high school friend" wrote "with my love for the day". Well yeah, but what you wrote sounded like you were being cynical. Perhaps I misunderstood; I don't know. She was out spending the day with her fiance, the guy she's been dating for over 3 years. She calls him "my love". And as I said before, seeing that made me realize that the guy I was seeing just isn't right for me. Thanks everyone who posted, for your encouragement. It makes me feel even better about the choice I've made. Ethan, I would PM you, but I don't think you have enough posts yet to gain that privilege, and I don't want to post any of my contact information here where others can see it. Once you're able to PM members, I would be happy to talk to you.
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