mbf5482 Posted January 19, 2004 Posted January 19, 2004 HI this is my first post on here and its kind of long but please help OK my girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me over christmass. We lived together for 4 months and we were and still are very much in love. The last 2 months of our relationship we had a bunch of stupid fights because we were both dealing with a lot of personal things and i know we should of helped each other and i tryed to help her and tell her what was on my mind but i did not want to bring certain things up and put them on her mind. But anyway she was going to come home with me at christmass and go on a trip with me and my family but things happend and she could not go for money reasons. A few days after i left she called me crying and i was not really there for her but she did not tell me everything. I found out after i got back she was going through a lot and if i had known it all i would of never left. But she broke up with me because i was not there for her. sense i have been back she has moved out and back to her moms an hour away. I have seen her twice sene i got back and it went very good. She says she still loves me and wants us to be back together and have the life we always talked about together but she cant do it now. The last time i saw her we hung out all day we went to get something to eat then we came ack to my place and hung out we hugged and kissed and took a nap together it was perfect. A few days later she had to come here to pay some bills. At first she said she was going to come by and say hi but then i got a call back that said she was not going to have time. At the time i acted like it was no big deal even though it really hurt. The next day she called and i was stupid and told her that it really hurt that she could not come by. I was just trying to tell her how i felt but she got all up set and said she did not want to talk anymore normily she says i love you when we get off the phone but she did not this time. I called her today but she was still asleep but she said she was going to call me back. I love this girl so much and i want to spend the rest of my life with her and she says that she wants the same thing. How can i get her back soon i miss her so much how long do you think it will take. DO you think i messed up by telling her that it hurt she did not stop by the other day? What should i do i miss her so much and i only want for us to have the life we always talk about having. PLEASE HELP
Arabess Posted January 19, 2004 Posted January 19, 2004 Did she USED to say she wanted the same future you wanted....or is she still saying it now? There's a big difference. Sometimes people's feelings or priorities change and there isn't anything you can do about it. You have to accept it and continue thru life waiting for the next adventure.
Author mbf5482 Posted January 19, 2004 Author Posted January 19, 2004 she says she still wants the same future with me and she has always said she wants the same thing and still says it. she says she just needs time to fix her self and i respect that but how long could this take i love her so much
dlb311 Posted January 19, 2004 Posted January 19, 2004 I just went through a very similar situation. My ex and I were together for 2 years. We decided we were the ones for each other for the rest of our lives. We planned on moving in together and about a month before the actualy move in date he started getting weird. He broke up with me two weeks before he finished moving the rest of his things in. I was so hurt because I thought we were going to get married. I had never been with one person like him where I had no doubts. I didn't want to change anything about him. I loved him more than I could ever love someone else. He told me he would regret it and that he just doesn't know what else to do. He was unhappy. He said he would want me back but for now he needed to do his own thing. So I tried to stay his friend. But it hurt so much. I finally cut all ties with him and moved on. we were apart for 5 months. He just came back about three weeks ago. He said he made a mistake and couldn't imagine being without me. He said "what would I do without you"? Well whatever he was doing before. I love him so much I am giving him a second chance. Its real hard. Because I think he will leave. But I have to just take the chance and see what time brings us. He admitted he got way scared and bailed. Its nice that he can admit it, but scary that before he was so sure and then freaked out. He seems real sure of it now. I meet someone else when we were apart someone I really like and its way hard for me right now to let him go. I have to find closure. This guy I met isn't someone I want forever or at least he wasn't before. He is now being so nice to me knowing my ex is back. So who knows. Just take time and remember what you had if it was as good as you say it was then she can't just let go of it like that. unless there is someone else. If she wants to be apart to date and stuff then you should be careful. Just try to live your life and if its meant to be it will be. Don't worry about telling her how you feel. That just means how you are good and not someone that will play games. If she got upset its probably because she feels guilty for hurting you. Next time don't be so blunt. but if you feel you want her to know then tell her. I told me ex a month before he came back I called him and cried and said I love you and I don't know why we are not together. And he said he loved me too and just needed to do his own thing. Then I cutt it off I let him know how I felt and that was that. When he came back he said he was scared I had meet someone else and moved on.. I pretty much had. But since I love this guy so much I couldn't not see what could be. Good Luck to you. My advice is just to live your life she will come back she knows you want her.
Author mbf5482 Posted January 19, 2004 Author Posted January 19, 2004 thankyou so much that made me feel really good. She says shes not dating anyone else and that she dose not want to date anyone but me but she needs to get her life back together before we can be together again. I know what you are saying we are trying to do the friends thing and it is so hard for me because i just want to love her and hold her. WE have hooked up once sense then and it was a perfect day that that phone call happend. Do you think i should cut off contact and just wait for her to call me? I am afraid if i just stop calling her she will think i have moved on an i am afraid she might move on if she thinks i have. I told her i would wait for her and i plan to. What should i do thanks so much
lost_in_chgo Posted January 19, 2004 Posted January 19, 2004 Sometimes people's feelings or priorities change and it doesn't last forever. You can do something about it, you can give them space to think without pressure. You have to accept that they need some time and that they may or may not come back. But instantly giving up is not the best way to handle it unless you cannot deal with a bit of trouble in your relationship.
Prettyangel Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 You know this girl for 8 month and already you are so desperate? Please think about this ok. You sound codependent to me! How well do you really know each other? 8 month is not enough time to know someone. I go back to what I always say, if someone truly loves you and the relationship is healthy, one does not move out! There is something wrong here! I need space, I need time are all sorry a** excuses people make because they do not know how to communicate in a healthy way and say what really is. Everything else is just a stupid game. Look at what is and don't let someone have so much power over on you. Have some self love and some self respect and accept what is. Moveon, live your life and work on you. Find out what is going oninside of you that you allow someone to take your life over in such a dysfunctional way. There is true love out there I promisse you. When you have that, you don;t have to come on a board like this ! Love yourself first and clean up what is going on with you before you even remotely think about a relationship. Relationships are not about head games and that is what this is. LET GO AND LET GOD!
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